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Sally's Update Archive

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Update #65.25

The cancer that has so invaded Sally's body is finally starting to shut her already fragile system down. She didn't really sleep at all last night and neither did Andy. This morning when Mom got to the Lakes, she and Andy decided that it would be best for Sal to go back to Trillium Woods. Her nurse's aide, Judy, came and they called the nurse also. The nurse was barely able to get a pulse or any blood pressure. It was then decided that she was too weak to be transported and that it was only a matter of time. They called for AirLink to come and get Sal hooked up to oxygen to help her to be more comfortable.

Andy went and got Shannon from school and Mom called the rest of the family to come and rally around Sally. As of this writing, she is still holding on. Sally has always vowed to "Keep Fighting" and her spirit is never going to give up. We know though that no matter how strong and determined she remains, God is in control. Andy is absolutely exhausted, yet he continues to be her rock. Shannon is hanging in there and being the very loving son that he is. Our family plans to "tag team" and be with the Lakes around the clock for as long as we are needed.

We were able to read her messages to her today and she seemed to be listening to them and we all felt surrounded by your love and prayers. My husband, Tom, was reading his devotions this morning and he read this passage which seems very fitting for today.  2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 and 5: 1 (NLT) "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands." We take great comfort in knowing that God holds Sally in his hands and she holds Him in her heart.

Candy

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Update #65.24

Sally had a rough day today. She was quite restless and didn't sleep well at all last night. Andy made the Pillsbury Orange Rolls that we always considered such a treat this morning, but Sal wasn't able to eat more than a couple of bites. Their friend, Ellen, who is a Eucharist minister, came and brought them communion and a roast for them to have for Sunday dinner. Mom joined Andy, Sal and Shannon for the meal, but again Sally couldn't really eat much.

Andy is doing a wonderful job of taking care of Sally and we are so proud of him and can truly see how deep his love for her is. Shannon and Mom are right there by his side helping in any way that they can. Sal's voice is getting quite weak and she was struggling to get comfortable today. She laid down for a nap but sleep does not come quickly for her. Andy said that tonight he and Shannon would join Sal in the master bedroom and watch TV in there, so they could all be together. I believe they will be channel flipping between the Grammy's and the Pro-Bowl.

Thank you to all of you for your prayers for Sally and her family during this difficult time. We know that God hears your prayers and ours and is watching over Sal every minute. Romans 5: 1-2 (NLT) "Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory."

Candy

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Update #65.23

Sally had a long day today. She has been a little bit off of her schedule and will hopefully be able to get back to a more structured day tomorrow. Shannon had a great time at the Caledonia High Varsity Basketball game last night, except for the final score. He said it was a really exciting game and went right down to the wire, just not in our favor. He had his games this morning and they won one and lost one. The games were videotaped for Sally and Andy to see and that is on their agenda for tomorrow.

Andy took a well-deserved break tonight and went to a 40th birthday party for one of their friends. The party had a 1980's theme and you were supposed to dress accordingly. I didn't witness this myself, but my spies tell me that Andy left wearing black leather pants, an AC/DC t-shirt, and shoes with buckles on them. I also heard that music from the 80's was playing at the Lake household today and that when Bon Jovi came on Sally was even seen "chair dancing." Sal was happy that Andy was able to go to the party and she will enjoy hearing about it tomorrow.

Sally wasn't able to eat quite as well today and she didn't get her nap in. Mom, Shannon, my sisters, niece, myself and our husbands had dinner with Sal tonight and she looked really nice in her new leopard print PJ's.  It is hard for her when her schedule is off and she was really tired by this evening. We read her messages together and are so thankful for all of your prayers, kind words and support of Sally, Andy and Shannon. Psalm 117 (NLT) Praise the Lord, all you nations. Praise him, all you people of the earth. For he loves us with unfailing love; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever. Praise the Lord!

Candy

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Update #65.22

Sally had another really full day today. Linda came in from Chicago and went over early and spent most of the day with Sal. She made scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast and then Sal's nurse's aide came and helped her take a nice shower and wash her hair. Sally's good friend and hairdresser, Brenda, came and cut and styled her hair, waxed her eyebrows and really got her all spruced up. She looked beautiful and it really perked her up. Andy's brother, Greg, made some homemade soup and Brenda brought some pistachio bread so that made Linda's lunch preparations pretty easy. Sally was eating good again today.

Last night Sally and Andy's friend, Kristin, who is also a Eucharist minister came and gave them communion and brought them a nice dinner. Linda and her husband Jerry had just arrived in from Chicago and they stayed and enjoyed the meal with the Lakes. Shannon is going to the Caledonia Varsity basketball game tonight with some friends and is spending the night with them. Tomorrow morning brings two games for Shannon himself and Mom and Jerry will be there to cheer him on. Sally didn't have time in her busy schedule today for a nap, so she and Andy are going to have a quiet evening relaxing together. She slept a little better last night and hopefully that will continue to improve for her.

Mom came over for our "reading of the messages" time and we all enjoyed some of your reminders of days gone by. Your support and prayers mean so much to Sally, Andy, Shannon and Mom, as well as the rest of our family. On the top of the home page of her website is a quote of Sal's - "In life there is love or fear; I choose love." .   On my way over to see Sal today, I heard a song on the radio that just grabbed me and reminded me of how Sally has been living the last five years. The name of the song is "Fearless Heart" by Point of Grace and the chorus goes "I wanna live with a fearless heart.  Courage that's coming from trust in God.  It's constantly guiding me though the road is dark. I wanna live, wanna live with a fearless heart." God continues to bless our family.

Candy

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Update #65.21

Sally had another full day today. Her Faith Hospice doctor, along with Mel, her nurse, came to see her. The doctor told her she was just amazed at how well Sally was doing in light of her diagnosis and length of time she has had pancreatic cancer. Judy, her aide, also came and helped her get cleaned up and ready for the day. Mom made her biscuits and gravy and bacon for breakfast and Andy fixed her some soup for lunch, so she was eating well today. 

The report on last night's crock pot chicken is that it was really quite good. Sally said she ate more than Andy did, he said no way, he ate more. It was good to hear their playful banter back and forth again. Shannon had his dinner at his friend's house last night as they were playing "Rock Band" and he was invited to eat with them. Shannon said that today they had to have indoor recess at school due to the wind chill factor.  Some of you have been asking about his teacher's daughter, Maddison, who he had asked us to pray for. Shannon said she is doing better and doesn't need surgery. We want to thank you all for your prayers on their behalf.

Sal said that her pain level is actually much better than it has been and her mouth sores are slowly improving. A big thing that she is having trouble with is restlessness at night which prevents her from getting a good night's sleep. They are going to try and adjust her schedule a little to see if they can help correct that. Sally needs to have someone with her at all times as she can't get up and walk anywhere on her own with her IV and being so weak, she is at great risk of falling. Her bell is working out well and Andy (aka Jeeves), Mom and Shannon are lovingly tending to her needs. James 3:17 (NLT) But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.

Candy

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Update #65.20

Sally had a big day today. She saw her oncologist who has been treating her for the past 5 years and his nurse, Pat, who is really special to Sal. They were happy to see Sally and she was very happy to see them. He gave her some fluids that she needed and they went over her blood work. Sally has trusted and respected this doctor throughout her journey and is very relieved to know that he is still going to be involved in her care. Her liver is basically full of cancer and there is nothing that she or the doctor can do to change that. Sally accepts that and is instead focusing on the things that she can do something about, such as eating and letting her body have the rest it now requires. Mom made her a three egg omelet for lunch and she ate it all. Sally will continue to fight and do everything in her power to gain strength and have some quality time with her family.

Now for the low down on last night's TV situation. The guys wanted to watch the U of M vs State game more than they wanted to watch American Idol. Sal wanted to see a little of both. Andy "drove" the remote and it being as good of a game as it was, I think that the American Idol coverage was minimal. Their Wolverines didn't win, but I hear that it was a good Family Fun night anyway. Today, Judy, Sal's nurse's aide helped her take a nice shower and wash her hair and she said it felt great. Andy had some chicken and rice in the crockpot for their dinner tonight; he seemed pretty confident it was going to be good. Sal looked a little unsure -  I'll have to report on it tomorrow.

Sally always tries hard to be kind, considerate and caring, and has her whole life. In thinking about that today, I was reminded of Jesus's words found in Matthew 22: 37-40 (NIV) " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:  'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Candy

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Update #65.19

Sally was quite tired today after her busy yesterday, but was doing well.  She slept really good (for her) last night and Andy said he did too. Shannon had basketball practice last evening, so I think all of the Lakes were ready for their beds. Judy, her aide, came today and helped Sal fix up and she got her nap in this afternoon which really helps her. Her new "modified casual" wardrobe that Mom has been altering to adapt to her needs looks really nice. Even when she isn't feeling very well, Sal likes to look good. Imagine that!

Tonight should be a challenging night at the Lake household as they are going to be torn between the Michigan vs Michigan State Game and American Idol. Andy assured us that they are very good at channel flipping and will barely miss a thing on either program. Shannon had his Faith Formation Class after school and a friend was bringing him home so he won't miss out on Family Fun Time. Being together, at home and having this special time together is such a blessing for them. Sally is doing pretty well eating and Andy has her medicine schedule down to a science.

We are continuing to enjoy hearing from all of you. Sally adds many comments to the messages that you are leaving; she has always had a "steel trap" mind and it still amazes me how many special memories from the past (both recent and long ago) your messages remind her of. Thank you all for letting her know that you remember her too. John 10:14-15 (NLT) "I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me. Just as my Father knows me and I know the Father. So I sacrifice my life for the sheep." reminds us that God knows Sally and she knows God too.

Candy

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Update #65.18

Sally had a very busy day today. She met her new nurse's aide, Judy, who is going to come every day (M-F) for an hour or so to check on her and help her do some things.  She took a nice shower and Judy said they can do that every day if she would like.  We all know how much Sal likes to spruce up, and her aide is very friendly and trained to assist her with things that are a little more difficult for us to help her with. Sal had a problem with her drain tube and her nurse, Mel, came to fix that and adjust her IV feed. That was quite painful for her, but she handled it with her usual strength. While the family is responsible for Sally's care, it is comforting to know that Faith Hospice is available to help and train us to better take care of her. Her "team" also consists of a doctor and a chaplain.

Last night the Lakes had a quiet (ok, maybe not so quiet!) evening at home watching the football game. Shannon was rooting for the Saints all along, while Andy and Sal were wavering and cheering for the Vikings at times. Shan-man's loyalty proved to be a winner and he even managed to get to stay up a little late to watch the game. Andy's Mom had made them some Chicken Alfredo Fettuccine and they all had seconds, so I would say it was a hit. Sally slept even better last night than she did the night before. She doesn't sleep through the night, but that isn't anything new for her. This morning Mom made her scrambled eggs and toast, so she is doing quite well with her eating at home.

Sally gets very tired and needs a lot of rest. We are hoping now that we know what to expect from the hospice "team" that Sally will be able to get back on more of a schedule. We are very appreciative of your understanding in not calling or stopping by the house. Sal loves to hear your messages and we are astonished at the number of people whose lives she has touched. Romans 8: 38-39 (NLT) And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Candy

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Update #65.17

Sally had a good day today. She slept quite well last night and really liked waking up in her own house. She doesn't sleep through the night and hasn't for quite some time, but knowing that Andy was in the bed right next to her and Shannon in the other room was special to her. Sally said a really comforting part of being there are the "sounds of home." Her word to describe the feeling is "happy." Andy has been doing great taking care of her needs, in fact now we can just refer to him as "Jeeves." Sally has a small bell that she can ring for service. Priceless.

This morning they had Pillsbury Orange Rolls, one of Sal's favorites, for breakfast. Sal and Andy's friend Ellen, who is a Eucharist Minister, brought them communion and afterwards Sally got a chance to see the video from Shannon's game. Mom is fixing up some nightgowns to accommodate her IV and drain tube, making them comfortable for Sal to wear. They are working on getting a schedule for meal time, naps and "together time" right now. Tomorrow the Hospice nurse will come and that should help add some clarity as to how things will fall into place.

Sally is fighting very hard to be as strong as she can. Andy, Shannon and Mom are doing everything they can to make her comfortable and safe at home and we are so proud of them all.  God's holy word and steadfast presence continue to guide us.  Psalm 121:1,2 (NLT) I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!

Candy

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Update #65.16

Sally had a big day today. She moved out of Trillium Woods and is now at home.  Andy and Sal had a nice "last night" at Trillium Friday evening. They took a walk and stopped in the chapel and knelt there to pray for a while. Sally has been hoping that she would eventually be able to go home, but the doctors, Andy and Mom had to be sure that she could do this safely. We rejoice for them that they are at home and together under one roof as a family again. She is still under Trillium Woods Faith Hospice Care, just at her home now rather than at their facility. Hospice has brought in a hospital bed and some other necessary equipment for her and they will be coming in to monitor her care every day.

Shannon's team lost the first game and won the second game this morning. Sally is going to have to wait to see the video as they were strongly advised against any visitors today as just the physical move from one location to another was a tiring process for Sal. Shannon seemed very happy to be home and able to play his games and both he and Sal love being with Smokey (the cat). The Lakes were looking forward to a quiet evening at home tonight.

This move is a big step for Sally. We don't want to mislead anyone into believing that she has gone home because the cancer is any better. She is still very much under Faith Hospice's care and is on the same medications that she was on while at Trillium. They will need to find a routine and get used to not having a nurse available at the push of a button. Andy, Mom and the rest of the family are committed to doing all that we can to make Sally comfortable and safe in her own home where she wants to be.

We ask that you please do not call them or try and visit at this time. She needs to rest and concentrate on not "losing ground" after leaving Trillium, and the rest of us need to concentrate on keeping her safe. We implore you to give the Lakes time to adjust to this new situation. Please continue to post and email any messages that you have for Sally; we are reading her every one and she is so happy to hear from you.  Your prayers have been wonderful, felt by us and heard by our heavenly Father. Psalm 136:1 (NLT) Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Candy

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Update #65.15

Sally had a rougher day today. She had a very restless night's sleep and needed to take more medication than she is used to in order to try and ease her pain. The morning was difficult and she had to deal with some nausea but was able to take a morning nap and then have some lunch. Andy convinced her to take her afternoon nap that has become part of her schedule and when she woke up from that she felt quite a bit better. 

Shannon has basketball practice tonight and he has two games tomorrow morning.  Karla is taking him to practice, so Andy and Sally were planning on having a quiet evening at Trillium tonight, just the two of them. Tomorrow Andy is going to take Shannon to his games and root him on and Mom is going to stay with Sal.  I understand that the videographers will be in place to tape the game so that Sally can watch him play, even though she can't be there in person.

Sally has been enjoying all of your cards and messages. It means a lot to her to know how many of you are praying for her. We have been awed by how caring you all have been and appreciate all of your kind words and actions. It is obvious to us how deeply Sally has touched many of your lives. The cancer that has so taken over Sal's body cannot take her spirit or rob her of salvation. Philippians 4: 6,7 (NLT) "Don't worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Candy

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Update #65.14

Sally had a pretty good day today. She said that her mouth sores seem to be improving slowly and that it is getting easier to brush her teeth. Since we all love to see her special "Sal smile", that seems like really good news to me. The food at Trillium continues to be working out well for her; she mentioned that she had a chicken pot pie and reminded me that those were always one of Dad's favorites. Brenda joined them for lunch and Sally really enjoyed that. Mom was able to go to her volunteer job at Breton Ridge this afternoon and we are glad that she felt comfortable doing that.

Last night the Lake's took their walk and went to the Family Center at the end of the hall and watched TV for a while and then back to Sal's room for some dinner and another round of American Idol. Hopefully they kept their laughter in check as I believe the show is in the early rounds where the talent may be slightly questionable. Shannon has a special request for all of you: Shannon's teacher and his wife had a premature baby girl a few weeks ago. He would like all of us to pray for her and her parents as well as continue to pray for his Mom. Shannon is coming to Trillium tonight for dinner again and hopefully some nice family time with his Mom and Dad.

Sally's attitude remains upbeat despite the pain and difficulties she faces. This song written by Thomas Chisholm has powerful words that ring so true to our family not just today, but always:
 

Candy

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Update #65.13

Sally was blessed with yet another good day. She is really liking the new "Energy Drinks" and they come in several flavors which she seems to enjoy. They are packaged in a juice box type container and this afternoon she was drinking an orange one that looked pretty good. In typical Sal fashion, she was reading the nutrition information to determine just how good this concoction really is for her. Sally is trying to eat as much as possible and is doing a good job at "shoveling it in" as our Grandpa Hank used to say. She is very thin and would really like to be adding some pounds and is doing everything in her power to do so.

Last night some of Andy's family came for a visit and Shannon really enjoyed spending some time with his cousin Brennan. He didn't see him at Christmas time as they left for Florida on Christmas Day and missed the Lake family party. After the family had gone home, the three of them went on a nice walk and then came back and watched American Idol and just relaxed and had quiet time together. It seems to be their favorite time of day as a family. Shannon is coming again tonight and the guys will grab dinner from the grill and eat with Sal in her room.

Sally was admitted to Spectrum on January 6 in an extremely weakened condition.  The progress that she has made in these past two weeks is nothing less than miraculous to our family.  We have been hoping and praying for a better quality of life for Sally. Hebrews 11:1 (NLT) "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." God is hearing your prayers and ours and we are assured that His plans for Sally are better than we could ever imagine.

Candy

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Update #65.12

Two new summer pictures shared by a friend are posted here.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Sally had a good day today.  Her mouth sores seem to be a little better and the staff got her a new "Energy Drink" that doesn't have a lot of Calcium in it and she was sipping away. Dr. Mulder (her chief doctor at Trillium Woods) came to see her this afternoon. Since you all know Sal, it won't surprise you to hear that she immediately offered him homemade cookies in an attempt to make sure that she is on his good side. Typical of Sal to try and work any angle available to her. He was pleased with her progress so far and how much more alert she is getting. And he liked the cookies too. Andy and Mom have been encouraging her to take an early afternoon nap and it really seems to help.

Shannon had a great day yesterday with his friends and he even conned a die-hard Spartan fan into buying him a U of M book. Where did he learn such tricks? He has his faith formation class tonight and Karla is going to bring him to Trillium afterwards so the Lakes can have dinner together. They really enjoy being able to spend that time as a family, eating together and watching some TV. I was remiss yesterday in not reporting that Smokey (the cat) came for another visit. He loved seeing Sal and she him. Sal said he made himself much more at home this time. She received a stuffed gray cat as a gift that she is keeping on her bedside tray to get her Smokey fix when he can't be around.

Trillium Woods is such a nice place, this afternoon right outside her window was a mini-flock of wild turkeys walking in the woods. Sally got right up and watched them and we feel so blessed that she is surrounded by such beauty and nature. Your prayers and kind words are dear to Sally and her family. This poem seems fitting today, it was written by Helen Steiner Rice: "If we put our problems in God's hand, There is nothing we need understand... It is enough to just believe, That what we need we will receive."

Candy

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Update #65.11

Sally had another decent day today. She did some more walking, spent some time in the "fireplace" room and visited with family. Sally is really doing a good job of eating considering the mouth sores that she has to deal with. Her nurse during the day is an extra special person and really takes good care of Sal and her needs. She took an afternoon nap again today and it really does seem to bolster her energy for the evening. Sally is trying to deal with her pain rather than take so much medicine that she can't think clearly and they are working on finding a good balance.

Mom reported that she beat Shannon in the first game of pool. He insisted on best two out of three, and he took the next two games. He spent his school day off with some good friends from Caledonia and Andy and Sally are so grateful for the help they are receiving with entertaining Shannon. We are having so much fun reading through all of your messages that you are leaving for Sal. She is very up to speed now on who is who and sometimes her smile tells me there is way more to the story than what is shared in your message. 

Today marks one week that Sally has been at Trillium Woods. She has come a long way towards her goal of getting stronger mentally and physically. We can't thank you enough for your prayers, kind words and support as Sal continues on in her journey. Sally's family feels that it is by the Grace of God that she is able to fight with such determination. These words taken from Hebrews 4:16 (NLT) "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." give us great comfort and peace.

Candy

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1.17.10    

Update #65.10

Today was an important milestone for Sally. It was five years ago today, on January 17, 2005, she was told she had pancreatic cancer. The doctor told her that her prognosis was "not good," challenging words for a girl like Sal. This afternoon we raised our glasses (filled with sparkling juice) and toasted the strongest, bravest, most stubborn girl I have ever met.  It was a good day for Sally and for her family. While Dad is no longer with us on earth, we know he was toasting with us from heaven.

Sally is working on walking farther and with less help. She went a pretty good distance today just holding Andy's hand while he held her IV bag. She received some new lounge type pants as a gift from a friend and was "styling" as she walked the halls at Trillium. She is still wearing the hospital type gown on top as she still has the drainage tube in, but the ones that they provide for her are really quite nice. Shannon has the day off school tomorrow for MLK day and he is spending the night with Grandma Barb. They were going to shoot some pool tonight and watch a movie and tomorrow he is going to spend the day with some friends in Caledonia. Sally took a nice long nap this afternoon and that seemed to really help her energy level for the evening hours. 

The last five years have not been easy on Sally, Andy, Shannon or our family, but we are so grateful to have the opportunity to continue to have her a part of  our earthly lives. The bible is full of words far wiser than any that we can scribe and the truth told in Ephesians 5:20 (NLT) "And give thanks for everything to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" says it all.

Candy

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1.16.10    

Update #65.9

Sally and Andy had a nice evening together last night and enjoyed waking up in the same room after all of these days. Shannon had a good time at his friend's house too. The report on the basketball games is that they won one and lost one. Sal loved seeing the video of them as she so likes to be there cheering him on and this was the next best thing. No armed guards were there when we got to Trillium to escort the Lakes out, so it sounds like Andy and Shannon kept her sideline cheering to a minimum. 

Sal's mouth sores remain troublesome to her but she is managing to eat quite well.  She has to be very careful of anything even remotely spicy and even the spices that are normally put in soups sting her mouth terribly. Trillium's staff is wonderful about accommodating her mouth situation and she had a big lunch, ate some candy this afternoon, had a grilled cheese for supper and devoured some cut up fresh fruit that Mom brought her. Niece Karla's husband, Cory made a banana cake that the rest of the family enjoyed while the Lake's had their dinner. Shannon is loving that he can get breakfast for dinner and omelets have become his favorite. Linda arrived from Chicago, so we were all together once again.

We want to extend a special thank-you to all of you who have sent messages and emails for us to bring to read to Sal. She has received some cards too that we have posted up on her bulletin board and she likes to look at them as well. The drugs that are managing her pain still make her fade in and out, but she is becoming more cognizant every day of what is going on around her. Mom spent some time today and made her a nice calendar so she can have some things written down to help her remember what is planned for the next day.  I think she has become her own occupational, speech, and physical therapist all wrapped up in one.

Andy, Shannon and Mom are holding up well and we all feel so blessed at the time that God has given to us with Sally. While she has come a long way, we still know how very frail this cancer has made her. The peace and rest that she is getting at Trillium is allowing her to have the quality time with her family that she so needs at this point in her journey. These past 10 days have shown us the truth found in Galatians 5:22 (NLT) "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.There is no law against these things!"

Candy

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1.15.10    

Update  #65.8

Sally had yet another relatively good day today.  She has been doing quite a bit more walking and spent some time in the common area today sitting by the fireplace.  She is able to walk a fairly good distance if she pushes her wheelchair, using it as a cart to hold her IV and help her with her balance. Believe it or not, she enjoys a little bit of independence. She had a better night's sleep last night, not perfect, but an improvement over the past several nights. She is sure she will sleep great tonight as Andy is going to spend the night with her and they are looking forward to that. Shannon is going to stay with some dear friends in Caledonia and I am sure that will be a treat for him as well.

Andy was making (ok heating up) dinner for some of our family tonight at Trillium in the lovely kitchen facility that is available to the resident's families. Sally warned him not to bring too much, but I suspect in true Lake style, there will be plenty of food. Tomorrow brings two basketball games for Shannon, which are going to be videotaped and brought to Trillium for Sally to view. Hope her cheering doesn't get her kicked out as it is such a great place. Maybe Andy and Shannon will be able to keep her from getting too wound up.

Sally continues to amaze us with her determined spirit and faith. Your messages have been a bright spot to her daily, and her "steel trap" mind is really kicking in with remembering people who say they aren't sure that she will know who they are. With pushing herself so much physically and mentally, she does get tired, and needs to nap frequently. The staff has been better than you could ask for and we are so impressed with their level of friendliness and desire to make Sal is as comfortable as possible. Thank you so much for respecting her wishes that she just visit with family at this time. Sally is living by the words of Micah 6:8 which tells us what the Lord requires of us: to act justly, love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Thanks for your prayers, God is hearing them and Sally and her family feel surrounded by them.

Candy

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1.14.10    

 Update #65.7

Sally had another really good day. She is adjusting well to the schedule and staff at Trillium and is enjoying the time she is able to spend with her family. She was able to take a shower today with the help of the nurse's aide, and Sally said it felt wonderful. She looked nice and refreshed and was really happy to have had her hair washed "shower style". She isn't going to be able to make use of the whirlpool bathtub right away, as she isn't able to have her drain tube soaking in water, but she is ok with that.

Sal did some more walking today with Andy or Mom's help and spent a lot of time sitting in the comfortable reclining chair in her room. The Doctor, who is ultimately responsible for her care while she is there, came and saw her today and that went well. She has not had to go back on the oxygen at all and is really thankful for that. Nights are somewhat difficult for her as she is really restless and has a hard time sleeping. Hopefully the doctor will be able to help regulate her medications some in order to help her get a better night's sleep.

Andy, Shannon and Sal had another nice family dinner together last evening and were planning on doing the same again today. It means a lot to them to spend that quality time together. She really looks forward to hearing the messages you all have sent her way and I love being able to read them to her. Our prayers for a better quality of life for Sally are being answered abundantly. While she is gaining strength, she also needs a lot of rest and it is still best that her visitors are limited to family at this time. Jesus left us with the Holy Spirit to comfort us and give us peace and we praise Him for being with us always.

Candy

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1.13.10    

 Update #65.6

Two new holiday pictures here, courtesy of Linda.

Sally Jane Lake is absolutely amazing; she was as a child, a teenager and is as an adult.  Today was a really good day for her. They were able to take her off of the oxygen and as they monitored her levels, they got better and better. The nurse helped her walk (yes - walk) to the bathroom and they even walked over to the window to look outside at the beautiful scenery surrounding Trillium Woods.

Last night Andy, Shannon and Sally were able to eat together as a family. As for those of you who were waiting to hear - the food meets with Shan-man's approval.  In fact when my Mom mentioned some things that were on the menu to Andy today he said Shannon already has it memorized and would know what he wanted to eat tonight. They watched American Idol, just like they like to at home and I have little doubt they had quite a bit to say about the skill (or lack of skill) of some of the competitors.  It was such a blessing to them to be able to spend an evening together.

Sally is fighting very hard to continue to get stronger, mentally and physically. Sometimes the words come hard to her with the medication, but they are there and her voice is getting stronger every day. She was eating very good today and I think the staff is starting to catch on to how friendly and pleasant she is. Andy and my Mom are right there by her side to help her, encourage her and keep her from trying to get up and run the Boston Marathon. The fluid is still draining from around her lungs, albeit at a slower rate now and she is still on the medication to lower her ammonia levels. She tires quickly and still needs a lot of rest. 

Sally is really enjoying hearing your messages. She has so many supporters and friends as well as her family and she feels very blessed. As much as we know how badly some of you want to see her, we are still asking that you give her a little more time. God is answering our prayers, she has made great strides since she was admitted to the hospital one week ago today. The time that Andy, Shannon and Sal have to spend together is so precious to her and to them.  Psalm 23 (NLT) begins "The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.  He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.  He renews my strength". God is, indeed, holding Sally in the hollow of His hand.

Candy

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1.12.10    

Update #65.5

Sally's first full day at Trillium Woods went quite well for her. She was eating a lot better today and seems to like the food at the new place.  It is really nice as she can order whatever she wants, whenever she wants (prior to 7:00 PM) and they will make it for her.  They also have a very nice grill that Andy and Shannon were going to get food from tonight.  I won't know until tomorrow whether the food gets Shan-man's stamp of approval, but I have a feeling it will. 

Mom and Andy helped Sal into a wheelchair and took her on a tour of the facility at Trillium.  There is a really nice whirlpool type bath area that we are hoping she will be able to make use of. Her room is very spacious and much more comfortable than the hospital room. 

Sal still needs a lot of rest as she tires very easily and the medication just intensifies that.  I brought her the emails and postings that you all have sent and read them to her. She really enjoys hearing from her friends. While she is still very sick, it is nice to see her gaining some strength. Sally is trying very hard to eat, sit up, and be aware of what is going on around her. We don't think she is quite ready for visitors, but please know that she is doing everything in her power to get stronger. Andy brought Smokey to see her for an hour or so and she was really happy to see her "other" boy. The chaplain came by and saw her and your prayers have been felt by all of us. We trust in God who can do immeasurably more than we can ever imagine to hold Sally close to Him and comfort her night and day. 

Candy

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1.11.10    

Update #65.4

Sally had an eventful day today. She sat in her chair at the hospital for a while and was able to eat quite a bit more than she has been.  In fact we got to see some good old "Sally humor" when she asked Andy if he got the room cheaper for always feeding her peaches.  We have really been pushing them on her as they seem to be easier for her to eat.  Never could get one over on Sal. 

This afternoon she moved by ambulance to Trillium Woods in Byron Center. She has a very nice room and Andy has promised that he will bring Smokey (her precious cat) over to see her very soon. That got a great big Sal smile. Sally is somewhat sad about having to move to Trillium but is doing her best to adjust and understands that it is the right move for all involved. The family is hoping that if she is able to keep eating, she will gain some strength and be able to converse without so much difficulty. We know many of you would like to see Sally, but would appreciate you giving her a little time to adjust to her new room and schedule at Trillium.  I will continue to update the website to let you know how she is doing. 

Her priest and a sister came by to see her and pray with her and Andy, and they were grateful for their prayers on her behalf. If you post to this site or send me an email, I will bring them to Sally and read them to her so she will get your messages. God is good and is watching over Sally, Andy and Shannon and your prayers are a great blessing to our entire family.

Candy

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1.10.10    

Update #65.3

Sally had a relatively good day today. The doctors are still working to regulate some of her blood levels that are not quite right. Her ammonia level is still way too high and the medication that they are giving her to lower it seems to be starting to work. Her hemoglobins were better than they were, and several of her levels are just borderline off now. She is still very sedated and often drifts in and out. Fluid is still draining from the area around her lungs and she is quite weak. She is doing her best to try and eat some, but it is very difficult for her with the mouth sores and the medications that she is on. Andy, Shannon and the rest of our family are grateful for your prayers.  It is still best for Sally at this time that she not have visitors other than immediate family. We put our faith in the Lord that Sally is in His hands.

Candy

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1.9.10    

Update #65.2

Sally has had a difficult last couple of days. She received 2 units of plasma and had a procedure done to drain fluid from around her lungs. They inserted a drain tube to enable the fluid to continue draining from that area and it is. Some of her blood levels are out of balance, ammonia being one of them, and they are trying to treat that with some medication to aid her digestive system. The doctors have her on an IV that feeds pain medication directly into her body and so she is very groggy and drifts in and out. The hospital staff wishes for visitors to be limited to immediate family. Sally feels all of your prayers and kind thoughts and is very appreciative of them. God has been with her every step of the way on this five year journey and He remains at her side and in her heart. Andy and Shannon are holding up well and are spending as much time with her as possible. My sister Linda has come from Chicago and so Sally has all of her immediate family with her and is aware that we are here. Thanks for your prayers, God hears every one of them.

Candy

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Update #65.1

Sally, Andy, Shannon and Brenda have returned safely from their Florida Vacation.  Wednesday, January 6, Sally’s Mom took her to her Doctor appointment and it was decided that she should be admitted to the hospital.  Sally is dehydrated, has some difficulty breathing due to fluid buildup, and is in a great deal of pain.  They are running some tests, doing some procedures and working to lessen her pain.  Sally’s faith and spirit remain strong and she really appreciates all of your prayers.  Please, please, please don’t try and go up and see her as it is really hard for her to talk, she is heavily sedated and she needs to concentrate all her efforts on regaining some strength.  I will try to get a message to Sue every couple of days to post to keep everyone up to date on how she is doing. 

Feel free to contact me here if you have any questions.

Candy

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Update #65

Shut your eyes.  Take a moment to gather your thoughts on what inspires you the most and the least about the Christmas season.  Feel free to open your eyes when you’ve grasped onto your thoughts for both.  I did this little mental exercise, and determined celebrating the birth of Jesus, who gave us the opportunity for everlasting life, sparkled clearly as my inspirational choice, radiating energy like a crystal ornament on the tree.  The latter part of the question was not near as fun, as what does not inspire me is to see stress takeover the season (shopping and road rage included), where the ‘spirit of giving’ shrinks into a tiny time-compressed window. 

Would you believe I personally fell prey to holiday fever (oh, yes) and broke down at the drive thru window of Wendy’s for being out of baked potatoes?  It wasn’t pretty, and I was embarrassed afterwards.  It reminded me of a saying, “My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.”  Shannon said from the back seat as we left, “Mom, wasn’t that a big deal you made over a potato?"  I turned to Shannon, and replied, “Yes, it was.  Sometimes we cannot control things, big or small, and we just have to let it go.”

Let me share a top 10 list of new experiences the Lake’s added to the memory bank.  The pure essence of the memory bank is it strictly requires our presence:  100% in mind, spirit, and body, to make memories and hold them in our hearts. 

1. In early November, we vacationed to Florida.  Friends visited. Laughs were many.
2. Celebrated Thanksgiving at Andy’s parents. Incredible meal and total relaxation.  Shannon & Andy won ‘cheese’ family cook-off with macaroni & cheese w/bacon.
3. Birthday party on my side of the family.  ‘Liefbroer’ style, Chinese lunch out at restaurant.  Candy’s favorite milk dud cake; gifts at Mom’s new condominium.
4. Andy, Shannon, and I talking and story telling in our hot tub this cold season.
5. Shannon’s 11th birthday celebration marked his 5th since my cancer on-set (what a huge smile on his face).  The 10 boys went in a karaoke-installed limousine around town and to Craig’s Cruiser’s, w/Andy and another dad supervising.  Can you say loud?  Although I hate to give men an excuse for poor hearing. :-)
6. Opening a small, decorative box with the ornament inside that reads, “Sorry I will miss you.  I will be celebrating Christmas in Heaven this Year.”  I bought this for Andy and Shannon a few years back.  Every year I am blessed again to carefully re-pack that ornament back in the box, creates a melt down of tears, as rapid as an ice cycle melts on a sunny day.  What a gift to the giver too it’s been!
7. It’s fun decorating the tree as a family.  I have marveled at the tree admiring the ornaments, remembering who and where- both close and far- they came from over the decades.  Time made for a weak holiday spirit to turn warm, and to gaze once more at the angel on top, holding the ornament which reads ‘hope’
8. My friend, Ellen, took her birthday off to spend the morning helping me go to the doctor’s office and make a holiday spread of cookies, candies, and other goodies that afternoon.  As I told the nurses of Ellen’s help, they all said how nice that was for her to bake for me given my illness. I told them a tiny secret that long before the cancer, my kitchen didn’t know the concept of baking, and this would be an ‘inaugural’ experience for Shannon to help as well.  In about 2 hours that afternoon, it looked like Martha Stewart had stopped by and turned my kitchen into a cover for a magazine. It was baking extraordonaire.  A great quote from Mary Jo Koch’s book (recently received from friends for Christmas) called The Nature of Friendship, relates “Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.”  Mission accomplished that day!
9. Basketball season has been in full action.  Shannon is finishing up soon with a Courthouse team with many friends.  They are having a win some/lose some season, but the coaches are really developing the kids’ skills.  Shannon also joined a second team on the Caledonia 5th and 6th grade league, where this team will begin playing games in mid January.  As for the ‘mom’ sideline behavior report, it’s not to the level of the Wendy’s baked potato incident, but I have been noted with some ‘high pitch’ cheers in a few close games.  I guess what’s so great about it, is that Shannon wants me there as much as I work to be there.  Love runs deep.
10. Speaking of love, when Andy’s working, my mom has become my right and left hand.  She has dedicated caring for me as her life’s lead priority.  She drives me all over the place, helps do laundry, won’t let me carry anything (She did get scolded once, for would you believe she lifted a 45 lb. bag of cat food from our driveway way into the house) She’s a 77 year old living in 44 year old body (hey, we switched, as I’m 44 living in a 77 year old body J).  Seriously, it’s not about weight lifting, it’s about the weight she lifts off my shoulders, often unto hers.  From the same book noted earlier, there is another quote I want to share.  For me, I could change out the words ‘a friend’ and replace it with ‘my mom’: “A friend is someone you want to be around when you feel like being alone.”

There’s something I haven’t shared yet in the message, that being a health update.  Some of you have not heard anything in awhile and once again are going stir crazy.  Most are getting tid bits from other mutual friends or my family.  Few, and not necessarily a chosen few, more like those who have talked with me recently, are more up to date.  My last scan was in early November.  Results as compared to late July were difficult at best, as we learned that my right lobe of the liver is now 100% full of cancer.  Within that lobe, the largest cyst grew from the size of 6 cm to 8 cm (let’s just say, big).  The left lobe of the liver still has an abundance of cancer, but through the grace of God, is operating as the little engine that could, powering to keep the liver going at this point.  There is a new development of a ring of fluid around the liver (typically not a good sign and creates discomfort and a state of constant ‘fullness’ inside).  My right ovary where the cyst is located moved deeper into the mid region of the pelvis, meaning given the liver priority status and new more menacing location of the ovary, no surgery will be considered on the ovary.  My calcium levels stay stable, above normal around 12 but not alarming, and my blood counts, hemoglobin, platelets; liver enzymes, etc. are at good levels right now.

After much discussion with my local doctor and also prior input from Mayo Clinic, I have returned back on the chemotherapy pill regime (28 days on/14 days off/at highest dose level).  Three reasons presently fuel this decision: 1) the majority of time between July 24th and my November ct scan, I had been off the chemotherapy pill treatment, when condition worsened.  Recall, I started the pill in February with good results in early months. 2) This type of chemotherapy has been successful in many recent research reports as a treatment and more doctors are using this solution. 3) Other options carry high risks due to my present state.

What comes with all of this?  Well from a physical and body perspective, I am in pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, except when sleeping.  Do I sleep?  Yes, but it is common for me to wake up an average of 6-8 times per night.  I don’t get to sleep in long increments, but the majority of the time, I do manage to fall back to sleep.  While awake, I balance pain patches and pain relievers, trying to minimize back, abdomen, shoulder, and headache pain as much as possible; all the while, attempting to keep a sound mind and soul, to stay on course with the joy of the journey.  Personal victory for me is to go back and read that list of 10 shared earlier in the message.  Not one event or good time was free from pain, nor was one without gain.

 My boss shared an excellent sermon with me from Reverend Dr. Sam Wells, which he had the privilege to hear due to Dr. Wells travels to the Holland, MI area.  He spoke in an eloquent, yet soft-spoken voice about two kinds of healing in the church; a loud healing and a quiet healing.  Loud healing often accompanies itself with large crowds, shouting, and expansive hand gestures, where quiet healing is generally more of a small group of gatherers, referring to terms such as ‘wholeness’ and ‘journey’.  I guess one could say this site fits the quiet healing mode, as has my path to believe and know God prepared me to accept and live each moment.  A simple equation but one to remember:  There is forgiveness, there is eternal life, and in between, filling up any space that may linger between forgiveness and everlasting life, there’s healing.  For me, it’s easier to think about healing as being wrapped together with knowledge of salvation.  Dr. Wells had titled his sermon, Does God Heal?  His conclusion:  Does God heal me? Sometimes.  Does God save me?  Always, Always, Always

One closing thought after a message so long, it was giving battle to the term bedtime reading.  The other day Andy, Shannon, and I were riding in the car listening to Christmas music (Shannon loves Christmas music, especially when shared by stories).  I mentioned Santa in the conversation, and Shannon called me out on the fact, he knew I didn’t believe in Santa. I told Shannon that he might not believe in Santa any more, but even I “hear the bell” sometimes.  Shannon seemed intrigued by that and then drifted back into a Christmas song.  Andy just gave me a funny, almost ‘what are you talking about’ look.  I feel the pain, but I also “hear the bell” that reminds me of life ahead and to never stop believing.

My love goes out to all of you.  Andy, Shannon, and I wish each of you who celebrate, a very Merry Christmas.  May the New Year ahead also be filled with special and simple times with family and friends.  Your thoughts and prayers are true inspiration.

Sally

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Update #64

Days became weeks, and weeks became months, before I could find the courage to share another on-line piece of my journey with my friends, from close and afar.  Two days ago the ultimate trigger point hit me when I thought back to the Catholic Forum television interview I participated in earlier this year.  One thing I talked about was how much it hurt to have friends or acquaintances walk away and distance themselves from me due to the cancer battle.  Fortunately, an incredible majority of you have written me; touched me; hugged me; or expressed through gentle eyes, the journey may be bumpy, but carries on by a tight loving circle of support. 

I joke with Andy the fastest way to get strangers to move on quickly is to drop the verbal bomb, and share you have pancreatic cancer.  It’s not contagious, but in general it does a good job clearing a room, due to its typical terrible diagnosis.  Thinking back to the television interview, I shared my concept, it was better to have friends say something uncomfortable, than to walk away completely in fear.  Then, it hit me; I had gone too long and became too afraid to put the “correct”, “most inspiring” words on paper.  I needed to share to allow for continued growth through this journey that holds a higher purpose, and one I am honored to fulfill.  As Helen Keller puts it, “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  The fearful are caught as often as the bold.”

So, it is time to free my soul and share with all of you what happened and what is happening.  How many times a day do you find yourself mentioning, “Health comes first”?  It seems like a breezy, easy statement to make but often there is more complexity to it.  In August, I began to face the biggest fight of my life in pursuit of living out this conviction.  Once I heard there was a possibility to have surgery to remove my ovaries as agreed upon by the ob gyn oncologist specialist, my intensity for getting on this surgery bed, removing high potential cancerous organs and prolonging my life became an all-systems-go mission for me.  With surgery scheduled for August 31st, from mid-August on, I began going through the necessary pre-tests, some coming in with questionable results.  Unfortunately, at the same time, I tried to keep racing at 100%, making sure to attend Shannon’s football practices (Monday through Thursday evenings), fulfill schedules, not disappoint family and friends, and only casually noted a loss in my energy, physical strength and appearance, and basic functional abilities.  A birdie kept trying to remind me, eyes need to be wide open to the truth, and well rested for the body to heal.    

I don’t know if you ever have done this before, but I asked God for guidance on this surgery, but my pre-conceived answers were so strong, I’m afraid his ultimate wishes could only be heard through my oncologist’s decision to cancel surgery.  My local, long term oncologist called Saturday morning on the way to vacation, as his words were, I need to know you are clear to be at our office Monday and not try surgery.  He had informed the surgeon the same.  With Monday’s blood counts coming in at dreadfully low levels, platelets and hemoglobin, white and red count, I immediately entered the hospital for that full week leading to Labor Day.  God once again saved my life. It’s not like you prepare for the biggest fight of your life.  All we can remember is to enter that ring with Him at our side and loved ones circling.  I was unable to take visitors at my wishes, but you were all there, more than you could imagine.  I needed time for peace with God and my family.

Since I’ve been home (early September), my expectations have become more realistic than originally.  I’ve accepted this is not like healing from a flu or virus.  My blood levels are back strong in terms of hemoglobin levels, white and red blood counts, calcium, and many other tests.  My platelets, however, are causing issues, as they keep patterning downwards (i.e. 3 weeks ago normal at 356, with last week down very low to 85).  There is no statistically correct or scientific way to explain this, as those patients on the same chemotherapy pills which I have been on since February have not experience platelet variances like this. Weekly blood levels are being followed, and I would appreciate your prayers that the doctors may discover the root cause to this problem.  We need this issue solved to determine ongoing treatments including any consideration to the possibility of future surgery.  Other challenges I face, let’s call modern day inconveniences, include random sickness, mouth/tongue sores, and inability to drive a car very far/often due to medication limitations (which puts work commutes to Holland on delay).  Let’s just say that keeping weight on is also high on my competitive fight list.

One last health story, I promise (at least for today’s update).  My back pain gets so intense at times, it basically wraps to my front as well, and is so excruciating it reminds me of the expression a ‘bear hug’, but this time, the hugger is really a bear who just won’t let go.  I started crying in bed the other night, (for those of you who might wonder about how bearable (no pun intended) this really could be), and Andy was consoling me, as his heart shows he would let go of the world to be able to heal me.  I screamed out something that in 4 years, 9 months, I have never said.  “God, why do I deserve this?  Please free me from my pain.”  I felt so ashamed at first for these words, as in no way do I believe God isn’t with purpose and provided me many unique gifts, nor am I ready to let go of my life on earth.  I think ultimately the scream escaped because, as an English writer, Anna Sewell, wrote, “I am never afraid of what I know.” 

It was that night; I became re-focused on the joy of the moment.  Where did August go, or September, and where was October going?  I am not letting two to three months pass going forward without seeking happy moments, as there are many 4 leaf clovers amongst the green path, and some beautiful roses beyond those thorns.  To that topic, I thought you might enjoy this poem called “Introversion” received on-line from Marcella:

Introversion

The ability to enjoy one’s own company is one of the greatest gifts life has to offer.

Learning to turn my thoughts away from all my responsibilities at the day’s end, and take my mind into a state of peace and benevolence enables me to carry greater and greater loads, without feeling the burden.

When my inner landscape is full of beautiful thoughts, everything I do is a pleasure.

Gently, I calm down chaotic situations and offer solace to troubled minds.

On the Shannon front, he continues to make Andy and I very proud.  His early grades have come back strong, as he shows much academic commitment and enjoys learning.  He has a phenomenal teacher who expresses sincere caring and gives us much relief in knowing Shannon has a strong mentor to lean upon in need. 

As you may have imagined, despite physical obstacles, I have attended all of Shannon’s football games, and his team presently has a record of 2-2.  Shannon plays offensively on the line or as quarterback.  On defense, Shannon plays in the end position most of the time.  I bring my not so discreet purple painted cow bell with Caledonia logo to the games, and garner a football jersey with Shannon #12, which wonderful friends gave me, that reads on the back, ‘Shannon’s Mom’.  The jersey gives me a totally awesome feeling inside, regardless of what happens with the game day results, as I am present, absorbing every ounce of being his mom and enjoying watching him be a part of the team.  I see such a competitive, yet sensitive young spirit on the field, as he wants to do so well, but he keeps his pants pretty clean.  Shannon secretly tells me, “I just don’t want to hurt someone mom.”  I’d like more aggressive play with dirtier laundry, but as a mother, I can’t help admire the heart he wears on and off the field.  This also has provided Andy and I as parents a lesson, on how to teach Shannon hurt can also come from non-physical ways, such as mean-spirited words, angry messages, or bullish actions.  It’s a world full of lessons.  Indeed, I’ve been through a fair share since the last update.  The lesson of ‘surrendering’ has only begun.

Sally                       

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Update #63.4

Sally has gone home over the weekend. Surgery will continue to be postponed as she focuses on regaining her strength. Thank you for all your continued notes, thoughts and prayers.

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Update #63.3

On Monday at Sally's appointment at the Cancer Center her blood work counts were still decreasing. They admitted her to Spectrum Butterworth for further testing to determine if she was bleeding internally. Tuesday they did a scope of her stomach lining and found a bleeding blood vessel which they then repaired.  Her blood work last night showed some improvement. It is not known how long she will be in the hospital at this time. She appreciates all the thoughts and prayers that are being sent her way. At this time she has requested no visitors please.

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Update #63.2

Surgery has been postponed.  Sally's blood platelet levels are not where they need to be for surgery and at this time it would be too dangerous to proceed.  More information will be posted as it becomes available.

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Update #63.1

Sally has requested an update be posted to let people know about recent occurrences.  She's been busy preparing for surgery and hasn't been feeling very well, but would like to pass along the following information.

I will be having major surgery to address the ovary cyst situation on Monday, August 31, 8:20 a.m., at Spectrum-Butterworth.  Recovery is expected to be lengthy and will require most of my energy and focus.

Your messages are so appreciated, and I receive so much inspiration and support from all of your thoughts and prayers.  My hope is that all of you may be as blessed as I in having such an incredible support system.  To those of you so moved, any prayers during this period of surgery and recovery will be tremendously appreciated.

Further updates will occur when I have news to share.

"Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything.  Love still stands when all else has fallen."

I Corinthians 13:7-8

"In life there is love or fear; I choose love."

Sally Lake

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Update #63

“Summer of Sally”

At our cottage, we have a tradition with two other families that right after midnight when New Year’s hits, whoever wants to ‘own’ the upcoming summer, has to make a call to the individual who ‘owned’ the past year’s summer.  It so happened that our phone rang that night, and Andy told Shannon the call was for him.  I had gone to the other room on the cell phone and announced to Shannon, the summer of 2009 would be the “Summer of Sally”.  The sole responsibility is the weather.  Let’s just say with Michigan temperatures hitting a record low in July, two summer cottage parties being dampened by rain and unseasonably cold weather; I have been banned from claiming any future summers.  On a deeper level, this is fine with me, as I was just happy to display courage and make that call.  I believed God would graciously give me the gift of another summer. 

It also has been the summer of baseball.  Shannon made the Caledonia All-Star team, and Andy helped coach.  The team made it to the Top 16 bracket out of 40 teams in the division.  They had a tough first pick in the Top 16, and played a team that went on to take 2nd in the Championship game.  The team who won the District Championship went on to win State.  Most of our Caledonia All-Stars also played in an additional tournament, and they took 2nd place out of 9 teams, which was quite an accomplishment.  It was a terrific learning experience for the boys (coaches too :-) ).  Despite my assignment to do pitch count, I did manage to cheer loud a few times (or maybe a few times per game)

Understanding how much I enjoy watching Shannon play sports, one evening about a month ago, brought home again the joy of this journey.  Shannon had received a baseball medal from one of his regular season coach’s wife.  She wanted to give it to him special for hitting the walk-off home run at a game where we were down 1-0.  He immediately came home and lined up all his sports certificates, ribbons, medals, and trophies.  He carefully counted them and individually showed me with such passion all 34.  When I realized 30 of them have been awarded since my original cancer diagnosis, incredible emotion and gratitude fell over me.  As my close friend says, “We don’t know all the answers, but we will know when we get there.”  

Last baseball report for a while, Andy, Shannon, and I went to see the Tigers vs. White Sox a couple weekends ago.  I had not been to the new Tigers stadium, and it was on my ‘bucket list’.  When Andy would go with Shannon before the games to get autographs, I just sat back and absorbed the beauty of the stadium.  We had fabulous family time.

Some of you may be wondering when my new update was coming, as this has been the longest ‘no write’ period ever.  Sometimes strength is shown from the point of human vulnerability.  I had to work through a fair amount of difficulty the last two months, as my goal has always been to rise above the pain and not complain.  Additionally, my commitment is to bear the truth to people who care, like all of you.  John Wooden, who is 98 years old, said on an ESPN interview, his wife always said, “Please God make me beautiful from the inside.”  Regardless of what challenges I must endure which affect my appearance or body, this is perhaps my greatest goal.

Since mid-June, my double herniated disc back pain has been excruciating coupled by intense evening headaches.  Pain medicines get rejected by my body, causing me to get sick.  The last month I unfortunately have only averaged about 4 hours sleep per night.  I began getting a series of bloody noses the past two weeks, but due to a visit to the specialist, my nose bleeds seem to have stopped.  On a positive note, my calcium levels and liver function blood tests are near normal.

Two weeks ago, I received the results from my latest ct scan taken locally.  While the cancer in my liver and surrounding lymph nodes looked the same, the scan showed alarming growth in a previously tiny cyst in my right ovary.  The cyst is now nearly the size of a golf ball, and there also is a small spot in the left vein by the ovary.  Medically speaking, the cyst is probably cancerous.  Currently, I continue on the chemotherapy pill, as it does not appear surgery will be possible to remove my ovary (although at this point, I certainly don’t need it).  Mayo is being contacted also to receive an update on my condition and to garner their thoughts.  Another plan, is one of my friends said he would bring over his 9 iron and knock that golf ball out of there.  I figure this is an option.  :-)

Conceding and surrendering are two different things.  By dictionary definition, conceding is to accept and acknowledge defeat without waiting for the final result.  Surrendering is to relinquish control to somebody or something.  To me, conceding is to quit or fold like a cheap table (on a lighter side, I always get the visual of my dad several years ago sitting down to tie his shoes at the pool on this little plastic table that landed him right on the ground with hundreds of plastic pieces below him).  To me, surrendering is to hold firm faith in God’s plan, accept His messengers’ guidance, and be open to support of others.

The acts of love and kindness from family and friends renew my spirit.  Let me just share some examples:  At every single baseball game Andy, another parent, or my mom carry my chair/bags; friends help me with Shannon at least 3 days a week; a woman I just met that day followed me to the bathroom at the pool to try get help for my bloody nose (and she checked on Shannon); meal deliveries continue 2 times per week, one of which came with flowers and licorice (my favorite) to help cheer me up; a friend asks if she could help research about the ovarian cyst/cancer and returns with over 12 credible links in less than an hour on my interested topic of food/lifestyle tips; a cottage neighbor whose husband is hospitalized walks to our car as we leave to let us know she will be praying; my mom takes Shannon to a movie and helps with the laundry the day I receive the scan results to allow me private time; candid conversations with my sisters let me see how they share in my pain and hope; my in-laws began purchasing purple pancreatic cancer bracelets to show their support (my sister Linda originally got these for our family shortly after the re-occurrence); Shannon asks me to come downstairs with him to create a video game player named Shannon Sally who is a ‘virtual’ combination of the two of us; Andy requests I listen to a song he picked out which represents his ‘for better or for worse’ unending love.  Add in the circle of prayers from so many, how could I possibly concede to this cancer.

I will end with an author unknown poem emailed to me (source is Marcella Porretta).  It reaffirms the value of living in the moment and breathing in today’s goodness.

Make the Most of Where You Are

Wherever you are, be there fully.  For where you are is where you can most effectively act and live.

 

If you’re constantly wishing that you were somewhere else, you diminish the opportunities for where you are now.  When your thoughts are in another place or time, your actions lose much of their effectiveness.

 

It’s great to dream, to plan, to aspire, to reach for new and improved circumstances.  And yet the way to successfully do that is by being the best you can be in the place where you now find yourself.

 

It’s great to keep yourself focused on an ambitious goal.  And that focus is the most effective when it is crafted from the perspective of where you are now.

 

To successfully travel the path from here to there, you must start with being fully here.  The more you give your attention and energy to making the most of where you are, the more quickly you’ll move along that path.

 

There is much to be accomplished, much to be lived in every place and in every moment.  Be there fully for all of them, and life will be rich indeed.      

Sally

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Update #62

A few weeks ago, I received a card from friends at church, which read, “A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.”  June 23rd will mark three years since I received the news the cancer had spread to my liver.  I chose to ‘make the turn’ and take a higher road, where I have learned to appreciate the ‘ride’ in a whole new sense.  Today, the passion for doing takes a back seat to the passion for being; as I drive strong to joyfully live in the moment. 

The Art with a Heart event was a huge success, with over 1000 people attending and through the auction and donations, $10,505 were raised for PANCAN.  It was an amazing experience to share my story with so many people and see hearts filled with gratitude.   My new friends from The 90 Minute Nanny gave me a gift beyond comprehension in the opportunity to touch lives, both in terms of the community and those impacted by pancreatic cancer.  Tributes are powerful after someone has lost one’s life, but based on how this event moved me, I encourage you take time now to honor those you love.  I have come to realize the world reveals good things when we expose our vulnerabilities. 

One of those good things was being selected Caledonia’s Mother of the Year by the local merchants.  Considering a little commentary, such as Shannon’s question, “How?” when he heard, I thought to myself, what would make me worthy of this?  I obviously cannot cook, am not exactly a good housekeeper, tend to be a bit boisterous at sporting events, only have one child, and so on.  Then, I realized, are those the things measured in being a good mother?   What I do know, is that just like my mother, my heart breaks more for my child than anyone else.  I thank God that it is I who am sick and not my son.  The greatest joy I have is watching Shannon succeed in life despite that awful word, cancer, having to be in his mom’s body.  Above all, I have found the love I feel for my child far outweighs any thoughts that harvest fear or anger.   

When Shannon says special prayer at night, he always includes, “God, please heal my mom’s cancer, but whatever decision you make, we will still love you.”  I shared this at the Art with a Heart event and said with a teary eyes what more could a mother want.  A great friend and mentor of mine suggested I also let Shannon know, that no matter what happens to his mom, God will still love him.  The power of being supported by guidance and wisdom of friends is another good thing that has resulted from opening my soul. 

As I continue on the chemotherapy pills, my blood tests and body have stayed strong.  My calcium levels this week were normal, liver function tests were good, and I even gained a couple more pounds.  The only issue is that my back pain has gone to basically being 24/7, and the doctors are trying to determine what is the root cause of the intense pain.  I do have a herniated disc that showed from the MRI, but as verified through a bone scan, I do not have cancer in my bones.  Praise God for this news.  

There are a few new pictures in the photo gallery of a trip to Traverse City that my mom, sisters, and niece took.  We had a nice time on the ‘girls trip’ sharing experiences as a family (well perhaps I should say ladies trip given our ages).

Also, I am proud to inform you that Shannon’s baseball team went undefeated and ended the season in 1st place with a 12-0 record.  Shannon pitched at every game and sure made us proud.  The highlight of the season for his parents was Shannon’s walk off home run to win a nail biter, 2-1.  His Grandma Barb said she was thrilled to see his first of hopefully many game winning home runs.  Shannon is now on summer vacation, and he ended the school year with a terrific report card.  Oh by the way, is bragging a pre-requisite for Mother of the Year?  :) 

A friend emailed me some incredible thoughts and words to live by written by Regina Brett.  What first caught my attention was the opening quote, “If good is what you’re looking for, good is what you’ll find.”   I love this woman’s wisdom, and I hope if each of you find any ‘bends in the road’, these words might be beneficial: 

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
3. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends and parents will.  Stay in touch.
4. You don’t have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree.
5. Cry with someone.  It’s more healing than crying alone.
6. Make peace with your past, so it won’t screw up the present.
7. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
8. Don’t compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is about.
9. Everything can change in a blink of an eye, but don’t worry; God never blinks.
10. Take a deep breath.  It calms the mind.
11. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
12. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
13. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
14. Forgive everyone everything.
15. What other people think of you is none of your business.
16. Time heals almost everything.  Give time.
17. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
18. Believe in miracles.
19. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
20. Your children only get one childhood.
21. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
22. Get outside every day.  Miracles are waiting everywhere.
23. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
24. Envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need.
25. The best is yet to come.
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Sally

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Update #61

I opened a fortune cookie the other day, and it read, “Be prepared for a sudden, needed, and happy change in plans.”  How could I help but break out in a huge smile and think, now that sure sounds good?  The nice thing though about being awakened to the moment is it doesn’t cause me to dwell on or prepare for what the future may bring, good or bad, as I am focused on the ‘here and now’.  The definition for enjoyment to me is “the joy of the moment.” 

In mid April, Andy, Shannon, and I went to Florida.  We spent most of the time in Venice but also took a trip to a water park at Disney and then went over to the Atlantic coast to Cocoa Beach.  Does anyone know what would possess a 44-year-old woman with Stage IV pancreatic cancer to go on the world’s tallest (120 foot) and fastest (53 mph) free fall water slide?  It’s a one-word answer:  Shannon.  The look in his eyes, when he begged me to go with him and his dad, was almost as priceless as his two large dimple smile that appeared when I finally opened my eyes at the bottom of the slide.  I was of course crazy to do this, more like crazy stupid, but I wasn’t the only one caught up in a parental conviction moment.  Later that week, Andy was coerced into entering a belly flop contest at the Holiday Inn pool in Cocoa Beach with a couple hundred sunbathers watching (ok, I too may have egged him on to participate).  Well, he was quite impressive and despite clearly being the under dog in terms of size, he managed to be the victor.  How I wish the camera had been along, so I could share photos in the gallery, as it also was priceless? 

Thanks to the help of good friends, Ellen Bartz and Kathy Alles, in late April, I had a surprise birthday party for Andy.  He absolutely was taken off guard.  The theme was ‘this one’s for you’, as for four plus years, he has been totally focused on being a firm rock for me, and it was time to turn some deserving attention to him.  For those of you who know Andy, it was a real challenge to pull this party off with him not figuring it all out.  Everyone seemed to have a good time, especially the guest of honor. 

This week Shannon had his first baseball game, and his team won a nail biter with a score of 1-0.   At his first practice, I drifted in thought to the end of his season in June 2006 when his coach gave him a special baseball with motivational sentiments written on it.  I cried so hard that evening thinking perhaps I would only be able to cheer from above in the future.  Now here I am 3 years later at the ball field still filled with competitive spirit watching Shannon play.  I am so grateful to God for lengthening my life on earth.  A fitting quote from Dawna Markova says, “Gratitude is like a flashlight.  If you go out in your yard at night and turn on a flashlight, you suddenly can see what’s there.  It was always there, but you couldn’t see it in the dark.”  A close friend mentioned to me that you could replace the term ‘gratitude’ with ‘faith’ as well. 

Speaking on the topic of gratitude and faith, I want to share the latest news on my health.  Earlier today (April 29), I learned the results of my recent chest, abdomen and pelvis CT scan test.  The scan is viewed as slightly better in that the largest tumor in the right side of the liver decreased in size a little and some of the lesions in the liver have lower density, which may mean these cancer cells are dying due to being deprived of blood.   

I do show a small amount of fluid in my right lung, but it is believed this still is from the impact of the last hepatic artery procedure I had at Mayo Clinic.  There is also a lesion showing in the left ovary, but this possibly is a normal cyst.  All in all, with my blood tests coming in as good as ever, including liver function tests and calcium levels, my doctor is pleased.  I will continue to stay on the chemotherapy pill treatment.  I have been feeling stronger these days with the most pressing concern being the excruciating pain in my back.  I informed my doctor it only hurts when I sit, stand or lay down.  In other words, the pain is all the time (humor at this point in my life is a must).  I will be going for a MRI of my lumbar spine to learn more.

 Last but not least, I want to invite everyone to the Art with a Heart event on May 8th from 6-8 p.m. at the D&W Shopping Plaza in Caledonia by The Nanny (under the clock tower).  Feel free to learn more about the event by clicking on the  ‘Read More’ button above.  Hundreds of children from the Caledonia area and beyond have created paintings from their hearts, which will be auctioned off at the event through live and silent auctions.  Thanks to the generosity of The Nanny and other local merchants, the event will feature food and music also, with 100% of the proceeds being donated to PanCan (the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network).  I had the incredible opportunity to watch kindergartners and 4th graders from Shannon’s school, Emmons Lake Elementary, craft their paintings and an enormous feeling of happiness came over me.  It is a humbling experience to be the center of so much attention, but knowing this event is going to help PanCan advance research and grant hope helps give my challenge more purpose.

 Perhaps though, the most moving part of the experience thus far, was observing Shannon as he sat down to produce his piece of art.  He stared at the blank piece of canvas paper for what seemed like forever, as I was anxious to see what he would create.  Eventually he began painting a beautiful scene with a sun, flowers, and then came the final touches.  He put hearts as the top of his large flower with the purple pancreatic cancer ribbon inside the flower.  Then, he drew a very large purple ribbon.  It was only when the strokes of his paintbrush began to form words that my eyes swelled up with tears as he wrote, “Keep Fighting.”  I thought to myself; I will Shannon, I will.

Sally

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Update #60

What brings joy to you, the big things or the little things?  For years, my life was filled with incredible experiences and sensational times, but only recently have I discovered joy in the little things.  There is no wrong or right answer to the question, but my present reply would be “both”, as my appreciation for the simplest of moments has exploded.  All spring used to mean to me was summer would soon be here, but now I listen to birds chirp, watch flowers sprout, and patiently wait for the grass to turn green.  I smile at just about anything.  The combination of having faith and knowing God’s presence has made my life better.

I have a positive report on the health front.  My calcium level reached a 2 year low at 10.7, just slightly above normal.  It was the first time in over a year that I did not have to receive calcium medicine and fluids intravenously at the doctor’s office.  In addition, 2 out of 3 of my liver function tests were in the normal range, again a first in over a year.  I continue on the chemotherapy pill treatment plan, and while there are side effects, it is so much easier to handle the challenges knowing blood tests are showing improvement.  I never imagined that I could be feeling better than a year ago.  I wish that I could reach out to each of you (including those whom I have never met) and give you a big bear hug.  The prayers and support are such an inspiration.

I just completed the 10-week exercise class for cancer survivors.  After the class, I thanked the trainers for helping me become physically stronger and gain a sense of dignity towards my outward appearance.  Since the onset of my cancer, Andy has never uttered a single word about the ‘wear and tear’ on my body, but he strongly encouraged me to take the class.  It all has become clear to me now, what Andy really wanted was for me to feel better about myself.  On a side note, I’m not sure he wanted me to buy a new swimsuit to add to my crazy collection, but that was a by-product of the enhanced self-esteem.  One of my favorite quotes from Henry Ford reminds us, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”  Yes, I can exercise, even with pancreatic cancer metastasized to my liver.

Please be sure to read about the ‘Art with a Heart’ program on the web site.  The article, which ran in the Caledonia/ Middleville Sun & News, has now been added as well.  The opportunity to be affiliated with such a heart filled program has been humbling.  I have been brought to tears a number of times telling friends about the incredible, caring individuals sponsoring the event, and granting our family the opportunity to impact others who face the fierce battle with pancreatic cancer.  The pain of the cancer is lessened, by knowing my journey is filled with purpose.

It’s time for a Shan-Man report.  His basketball soon will be ending and then baseball stories will be next in the line-up.  The highlight of Shannon’s season was a 3-point buzzer beater shot he made to tie-up a come back game.  He had a great report card, and although ‘he sometimes is too smart for his own good’; overall, he’s managed to make his parents mighty proud.  He loves his new little brother, Smokey the cat, of course.  By the way, a couple pictures of Smokey have been added to the photo gallery. 

A couple weeks ago, Shannon and I went to a mother/son dance at school.  I had a friend of mine put in a song request, so that Shannon would not suspect anything.  The song requested was a song Shannon and I have secretly slow danced to at home, since he was just a little tot.  When the DJ said he was going to slow it down, Shannon and I slid to the dance floor, and on came Can I have this dance… for the rest of my life?  He looked up, and said "Mom, this is our song”; I rested my head on his, and when the song finished, Shannon gave me a hug and kiss that will never be forgotten.

With my job at the advertising agency, we often research different packaging for fresh ideas.  A co-worker pointed out a creative line of teas, where I became mesmerized with the copy.  Drinking tea is one of those ‘little things’ that make me smile.  I knew immediately the text from the package would make the perfect close to this update:

Inspiration Tea 

If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.

Just pretend you don’t know how hard it is.

Hold your ideas up to the light. 

Make a date to do something you’re scared of doing.

Admire wildflowers. 

Sit under the stars or on the edge of the ocean.

Spend time with someone who believes in you. 

Or with someone you believe in.

Make a list of everything you would do if you were guaranteed success.

Walk under old trees. 

Take can’t out of your vocabulary.

Risks are worth taking.

Mistakes are worth making.

Take a deep breath.

Plant a seed. 

It will grow.

Sally 

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Update #59

Charles Macomb Flandrau states, “It is good to appreciate that life is now, whatever it offers, little or much, life is now- this day- this hour.”  It’s a tough lesson for us all.  I’ve learned there really is no going back, and as much as I may want to know what the future will bring, the greatest joy is experienced through being mesmerized by the present.

Things are going good.  Did I say good?  I meant great.  Andy, Shannon, and I just returned from a vacation in Florida with my mom.  We feel so fortunate to have the ability to take these trips and share in laughter and love.  As it says in the Apostle John, “God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God, and God is living in him.”

Shannon continues to play basketball with the team record at 3-3-1.  Andy continues to assistant coach, and I continue to coach from the sidelines.  I give myself a secret talk before each game to stay quiet and calm, but when competitive passion runs through your blood, it’s not so easy.  As one parent said to me, “Good luck with that.”

We have a new addition to our family.  His name is Smokey, and he is a Rag Doll, Himalayan mix kitten just shy of 7 months old.  For a long time, Shannon and I have wanted a kitten (it’s been the only item on my Christmas and birthday list for 2 years), and we managed to catch Andy at a weak moment where he agreed.  Some friends gave us the number of a breeder.  When I called, the breeder shared that several months prior, she had a serious house fire.  Sadly the kittens all perished in the fire except for one male, who she said miraculously survived.  When she expressed, “He is a real survivor.”  Say no more, this was the cat for the Lake family.  God’s gifts just keep flowing. 

I began on a new chemotherapy pill based treatment a few weeks ago.  Praise God insurance approved the treatment.  Thus far, the side effects of the medicine are mild and manageable.  One exciting piece of news came this week when my calcium level in my blood had dropped to 11.4, the second lowest it is has been in two years.  I told the nurse it was probably due to my being in the sun for a week, but seriously, from a medical perspective, hopefully it is a good sign the pills may be having a positive impact.  I celebrated with a quick run through McDonald’s drive thru for an ice cream cone. 

My energy level has been fantastic lately, and I’m holding pretty steady on my weight.  The exercise program I joined with other cancer survivors is making a huge difference.  My strength, flexibility, and balance are better.  The other day during class while I was working out with mighty 2 lb. weights, I had them all in laughter as I expressed, “Watch out, I’m bulking up over here.”  After all, the circumference of my upper arm is almost to the size of an average wrist. :)

I was inspired by a haiku poem message left on the guest book.  I decided to unleash some creativity and take a run at another poem myself.  Each day I look for a sign from God to help me better understand why my journey has taken me along this “cancer” path and what purpose I am to fulfill.  It’s through your deeds, words, smiles, and tears that my role becomes clearer.  Let me close with the poem:

The Joy of the Journey

 

Why has no answer,

so holding onto God’s plan,

the journey begins.

 

Life is different,

overcome by emotions,

yet free from anger.

 

Angels sing softly,

believe, know, and be at peace,

let the soul shine through.

 

Once in a slumber,

now awake for each moment,

feel the energy.

 

Love will conquer fear,

joy will overshadow pain,

faith will take the wheel.

 

Give thanks for blessings,

be present with family,

celebrate true friends.

 

Support lies above,

help circles to heal on earth,

to share is to live.

 

It is not easy,

but the spirit will not quit,

the journey goes on.

Sally

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Update #58

A few days ago, Shannon leaned over my shoulder while I was perusing this site, and he said, “Mom, have you written 57 messages on your site?”  I confirmed this to be true, and he exclaimed, “Wow, that sure is a lot!”  I chuckled and thought to myself, 'well I’ve been through a lot, and yet on this entire journey, I have never been alone.'

About a month ago, we were at the home of some friends who live in Caledonia.  Their son, who is Shannon’s pal, showed us his newly decorated sports theme room.  One poster jumped out at me, as it relayed, “Pain is temporary, pride is forever.”  I could have saved thousands of words in these rather lengthy messages of mine and just summed it up with those six.  Sure I am in pain every single day now, but God didn’t put me on this earth to sulk in the realities of the gripping pain of my illness.  Instead, I am climbing a winding uphill road, where my role is to absorb the present moment as a gift, and assist others to take this road less traveled of appreciation for life.

Speaking of appreciation, Shannon, Andy, and I are so enjoying the outpouring of support from some families whose children attend Shannon’s school, and a few other volunteers, who are delivering meals twice a week to our home.  Shannon is absolutely in heaven; it is so funny as at least once a week, he comments on how awesome these meals are and how he loves eating this good at home.   Yes, I can hear some of you laugh already, as we’re talking about the comparison of homemade goodies to the usual out of the freezer or microwave program that his mom tends to follow.  Would you believe I burnt my hand on the oven?  It is necessary for these “real meals” to be heated, and I’m a bit under qualified for proper oven techniques.  Euripides says, “It is a good thing to be rich, it is a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be beloved of many friends.”  The Lake family is so blessed by friends.

In my last update, I had mentioned being filmed for a television program by the Catholic Forum.  The producer called and informed me that in the event anyone wants to see this program, it is now on the Catholic Forum web site.  Recall, the name of my interview is “Joy in the Face of Death.”  The link is:   www.catholicforuminc.org/streaming/238.htm  (Link will appear in a separate window.  If this does not work for you, copy this link and paste it into your browser to view Sally's interview.)

Shannon made his parents proud, once again.  The fourth grade class at his school performed at an event called the wax museum.  The kids picked a famous historian and then wrote a speech about that person, prepared a poster of their life, dressed in costume to represent the individual, and then presented the speech to parents and others kids at the school.  It was an amazing event, giving young kids a chance to learn public speaking at an early age.  Shannon had chosen to be Martin Luther King Jr.; and he did a fabulous job receiving 100%.  I know we are totally biased as typical parents, but he really seemed in his element.  He had borrowed my peace cross, as well as my courage and hope rocks (all gifts from friends), to hold in his hand as he closed his presentation with those three topics which were core values of Martin Luther King Jr in his mission for freedom.  As a side note, in the process of helping to put his “make-up” on, I had taken off my wedding ring.  Shortly after I realized my ring was missing.  I returned to the restroom and found it on the floor.  It was a total relief, and I quickly sent a prayer of thanks upstairs. 

Andy and I had a nice trip to Mayo Clinic, fortunate to have multiple days of driving in snow-free, wonderful driving conditions.  At Mayo, we met with my liver specialist and oncologist, and then a last minute addition, a visit with the calcium specialist.  We received positive news that the cancer, four months later since my last scan, was slightly better.  I still have the same quantity of tumors in my liver but some have decreased in size, and nothing has spread further.  They believe the 4th hepatic artery embolization I had late in September, was a success.  My oncologist at Mayo who goes by Dr. Q talked with the interventional radiologist who performed my last several procedures, and he said if my liver tests continue to show good liver functions, down the road he would consider doing a 5th hepatic artery procedure on me.  Dr. Q relayed that he has never had a patient do more than 4 procedures, so I would be a record for him.  I told Dr. Q with a smile, he never should have said that for he knows my competitive spirit.  However, the first step will be for me to begin an oral pill based chemotherapy which my local doctor and Mayo have agreed would be the best initial step, due to the risks associated with a 5th procedure.  I’ll likely be starting that oral chemotherapy plan very soon.  I also have joined a well-fit exercise program for cancer survivors (most are in remission, but I’m a survivor I figure).  It is a great opportunity for me to build my physical strength.

After our trip to Mayo, Andy and I were able to share a nice, quiet weekend in Chicago.  My sister and brother-in-law were fantastic, as they were our limousine service to help me avoid too-long walks in below zero temperatures. 

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I wanted to take a moment to wish you all a special Valentine’s Day and share a quote from Carl Hammerschlag, which simply states, “The heart knows things that the mind will never know.” 

I also wanted to share something personal about the unconditional love that Andy shows me each day.  He is very private with a tough exterior, and will probably put me “on the list” for being so open, but I feel the need to put it in writing.  As I suffer and my body changes from cancer, it is hard to feel physically beautiful.  However, when your husband says to you “You are more beautiful than ever to me.  Inside and out you will always be beautiful to me.  Nothing will take that away.”  Or when he says, “I would pick you again even if the day I said 'for better or for worse' I knew what was ahead of us."  How about when he says, “I love you more today than any day before.”  From the words of Og Mandino, “Treasure the love you receive above all.  It will survive long after your good health has vanished.”

No, I am never alone.  One guest book message said I have the “Dream Team” of supporters.  I couldn’t have put it into words any better.  We’ve waited a long time for good news on a scan; let’s celebrate together and thank God the journey continues!

Sally

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Update #57

I hope this message finds everyone enjoying the New Year thus far.  We had a wonderful Christmas: celebrating with my family Christmas Eve, just the three of us Christmas morning, and then joining Andy’s family for the afternoon.  The celebration of Jesus’ birth brought a strong sense of love and a special closeness to our family.  I pray each of you will feel the same sensations in this upcoming year.

On Christmas night, Shannon, my sister Brenda, her son Michael, and myself flew to Florida to spend six days together at the condo in Venice.  The trip was incredible; the weather was warm and sunny (as if the doctor had put in the order), and we had countless laughs and bonding moments.  It’s amazing the surge of energy gained by “soaking in the rays” and finding tranquility at the beach.  This “bucket list” concept is not half bad  :) 

On the plane ride home, Brenda suggested I browse through a section of a book she was reading, titled ‘Satellite Sisters’ Uncommon Senses.  In the chapter, there was a passage about a woman named Leslie Richards, who scaled back on her medical practice after having three daughters and lots of missed school events. Leslie said the change taught her “… that it is more important to do things with my children, than for my children.”   I read that powerful sentence over and over again, and then nodded my head realizing how wise her words should ring to the ears of parents of all ages.  I think it is one of the main reasons Andy and I usually watch Shannon practice at sports, so he knows we are with him for support (sometimes vocal of course).  As for the games, we love to be with him, but also could never pass up good ole competition.  Speaking of games, Shannon’s basketball team won all but one game in which they tied.  Now he will begin the traveling competitive league, so the smell of victory will be a bit more challenging.

Recently, I had a wonderful experience to do an interview for television as a guest on the Catholic Forum program.  The interviewer expressed this would be the first time the program had featured someone with a terminal illness.  I explained the word “terminal” was not one I chose to use, but that it was perfectly fine for him to speak of terminal illness or death.  The program originally was going to be called “Dealing with a Terminal Illness”, but after my pre-interview, the title was changed to “Joy in the Face of Death.”  I much preferred the latter title, although to most, probably neither sounds too good.  I am hoping to get dates the program will air locally, but I also do have a couple DVD copies at home to lend out if anyone wishes to watch the show.

Great news, we took 2nd place in the PANCAN (Pancreatic Cancer Action Network) photo contest!  Soon, our winning photo(s) will be on their web site.  Many thanks again to Ellen Bartz and Kristin Mattson for their leadership in organizing the event.  My dream is through greater awareness and research efforts, PANCAN will be able to contribute to advances in treatment options and ultimately “cook up” a cure.  Thanks again to everyone who participated and/or supported the event.

For the last few weeks, I have been doing better physically.  The week of Christmas, my doctor decided to have me quit the chemotherapy shots, due to the certainty it was bringing negative side effects, and due to the uncertainty it was contributing any benefits to the cancer.  I have gained more weight back since going off the shots and overall my blood tests are good.  The big health concern now is my calcium rose to 14.5 at my last visit, which is a dangerous level.  I will go locally to re-check the calcium on January 14th.  Andy and I will be heading to Mayo for appointments on January 22 and 23.  At that visit, I will receive a ct scan to learn the current cancer status; and then we will meet with the liver specialist and my original oncologist to discuss next steps.  My local doctor is also staying actively involved and has been researching further options.  What a gift God has granted us in connecting us with such a stellar group of medical professionals. 

The other day I said to Shannon, he needed to prepare and learn something for himself, as I may not be here to help him some day.  He replied, “Mom, you have to believe!”  It reminded me of a few Sundays ago when the weather was bad and we weren’t feeling well, so we watched TV mass simulcast locally from St. Andrews cathedral.  The priest spoke about Adidas’ new slogan, “Impossible is Nothing”.  He then read a verse from the bible, “Nothing is impossible with God.”  January 17, 2009 marks a very significant day, as it will have been four years since the original diagnosis of pancreatic cancer was shared with me on January 17, 2005.  Yes, I do believe, as the gift of four precious years on this earth with God at my side brings tranquil waves of tears to my eyes.  God bless each of you who have sent prayers and believe, “Nothing is impossible with God.”  

In closing, I wish to share a story sent to me by a friend.  I’ve read it before but am unaware of the author.  Perhaps you have seen it also, I especially like the closing, as it captures the essence of the freeing spirit of living through love and granting forgiveness.

Two friends were walking through the desert.

During some point of the journey, they had an argument,

And one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

‘Today my best friend slapped me in the face.’

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.

The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning,

But the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

‘Today my best friend saved my life.’

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him,

‘After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?’

The friend replied ‘When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand,

Where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.

But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone

Where no wind can ever erase it.”

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

Sally

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Update #56

There sure are a number of things I wish to share in this update.  A few readers have noted that I am not getting any shorter in my communications.  Would you really expect anything different from a chatterbox like me?

The PANCAN (Pancreatic Cancer Network) photo event was a huge success.  Ellen Bartz has submitted the entry with the photos along with a history of my battle, and an incredible, unexpected donation of over $800 to PANCAN, due to the generosity of many.  Thank you to all who joined together at Spartan to participate.  It was so moving also to have the support of Shannon’s fellow 4th graders gathering together in their purple for a photo.  All of the 4th grade class also personally wrote a “recipe for the cure” and presented me with a recipe book.  I didn’t get past the first page without tears rolling down my cheeks, as this was Shannon’s message on the opening page:

Dear Super Cool Mom,

If you have the sniffles, I’ll greet you with kisses, topped with lollipops and Twizzlers under a warm blanket.  I’ll have ice-tea for you on the side with a box of chocolates shaped like a heart.  I bet that would hit the spot; next thing you know your listening to music, maybe from the 80’s, or reading a book.  Remember you are still here. xoxxox 

A close friend of mine says, “When you touch one, you touch another.”  It is such a powerful tool to be able to foster inspirational momentum or enlarge the circle of caring, simply by sharing with one.  This time of year offers those opportunities abound.

Andy, Shannon, and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving at Andy’s parents home.  My contribution was to bring the Cool Whip (they are well aware of my lack of skills in the kitchen).  I thanked God for so many blessings, with my most thankful item being the fact that I am “still here”, as Shannon says, to celebrate life with family and friends.hannon’s basketball team is doing very well, having won all their games thus far.  It has been a bit interesting with my spirited shouts from one side of the gym, and his coaches (particularly Andy) giving directions from the bench.  One time when Shannon was on defense, I yelled, “Move in closer to your man. Shut him down.”  My mom turned to me and said, “Andy just told him to back up and make sure not to foul.”  Good thing that Shannon is a tough cookie, being pulled like a tug of war, by two competitive parents.

This past week, we celebrated Shannon’s 10th birthday in Chicago.  He brought two friends with him on the trip, and we all had a great time.  Linda and Jerry had us over to their condo for a birthday dinner, and they took the boys ice skating (since Andy is not a skater, and he felt my fragile self better stay off the ice).  One piece of advice I would like to share is don’t get caught “sleepwalking” through life with a hectic schedule and all the focus on the “to do” list.  It is hard for me to admit, but my “before cancer” memories of Shannon’s first 6 years of his life are limited.  The “after cancer” memories are so brilliantly bright that it seems for every light on the Christmas tree, I could relay a special time shared together as a family.  Be awake.  Be attentive.  Be alive.

I’ve been feeling better this past month and have gained some pounds back.  I still have rough days from the chemo shots I need to administer three times a week, but my energy level and physical stamina are improving.  I hope to be returning to Mayo in January for tests to get an update on the cancer.  In the meantime, I am excited to be helping form a faith based cancer support group.  Andy and I have friends from Holy Family Church, Karen and Antonio, who engaged the support of the local Knights of Columbus group.  Our next step is to reach out to Caledonia area churches and begin the support group to help cancer survivors/patients and their families. 

Andy, Shannon, and I wish everyone a very joyous Christmas and the best for the New Year!  I’m going to close with an email from my mother written by an unknown source.  My mom not only comes over every Monday to help with laundry, she also makes dinner for us to enjoy with her that evening.  Perhaps though, what impresses me most is how willing she is to listen to my innermost feelings and fears with such incredible strength.  One day I arrived at work, started up my computer, and read this:

“Take things as they come.  If you get too far ahead of yourself, you’ll miss out on the little things that make the best memories.”

This rings true anytime of the year, but it especially seems right for this special season.  Love and peace to all of you!

Sally

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Update #55

I’ve had time to reflect lately on how my life has changed, since the day the term “cancer” swiftly swept me off my feet.  I am so glad to have quickly climbed back off the ground, determined to make the best of this challenging situation.  Life is different since the cancer, now I tend to focus energy on relationships, where before, it was more about accomplishments.  I avoid questions with no answers, and spend minimal time thinking about the future.  A quote from Oswald Chambers captures how I find strength, “Faith never knows where it is being led, But it knows and loves the One who is leading.”

October was a rough month for me in terms of my continued recovery from Mayo.  I am still trying to gain weight to get more physical stamina.  With as much as I eat, it reminds me of the old joke about the ‘seafood’ diet.  I ‘see food’ and eat it.  I am confident eventually the pounds will follow.  The good news is my blood tests continue to look good and my calcium levels are improved.  Other than continued visits to my local doctor, I will not return to Mayo for tests until after the holidays most likely.

Andy, Shannon, and I just returned from a fabulous vacation in San Francisco.  Fortunately, Shannon was able to get his arm cast off right before we left.  Andy and I have always said this is our favorite city in the United States, and this love definitely continues.  Before we left, I prayed and prayed that I would feel better for vacation to be able to share in the adventures of the trip.  God answered my prayers, as I felt better and had more energy than in many weeks before.  It touched my heart so much when Shannon a few times during the trip said, “Mom, thank you for doing so well going places and trying so hard.  Daddy and I are so proud of you.”  I have a sneaking suspicion his dad likely inspired Shannon’s appreciation, but it was such a sign of love from both.

We had some celebrity moments also on the trip.  Shannon got his picture taken (thanks to his dad’s savvy approach) with Newt Gingrich (former speaker of the house), Sinbad (comedian), and Willie McCovey (baseball hall of famer).  We even saw the famous chef Emeril Lagasse, but he moved too fast for us to meet him.  Thanks to my cousin who ran in the Chicago Marathon in my honor and works for the Marriott, we also were able to stay in beautiful accommodations.  On our trip from San Francisco to Monterey Bay following coastal highway 1, I felt so happy inside, with a sense of peace and tranquility blanketing me.  As I looked out to the endless nature of the ocean, I knew things would be o.k.  Frederick Buechner from Telling the Truth puts it in these terms:

            You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but

at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world, but a world lives in you.

The vacation exceeded my expectations.  When I returned home during some private time, tears streamed down my face.  I was not crying because it was over, but rather from the enormity of how much the special time together as a family meant.  I learned something about crying in a book I read over vacation at the suggestion of my nurse Pat and my sister Candy, called The Shack by Wm. Paul Young.   The book shared, “it does a soul good to let the waters run once in a while- the healing waters.”

I am very excited about the PANCAN (Pancreatic Cancer Network) photo contest event to focus on November as Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month (more details on the site).  Thanks to great friends, Ellen and Kristin to name a couple, photos are being organized of supporters to submit to PANCAN.  I’m so glad to be a part of this National effort to help support pancreatic cancer research and provide a network for those with pancreatic cancer.

Stay tuned for basketball reports, as the basketball season has begun and Shannon is roaring to go.  Does the fact Andy is helping coach mean that related fans must be less vocal?  No, I don’t think so either.  :)

I sent an email to a friend the other day, and she reminded me with her reply that the words were very powerful.  It’s been awhile, so I thought I would end with that Sally Lake quote to thank you for the love I feel each and every day of this challenge:

“Love has an immeasurable influence on our lives and makes the world around us seem so much better.”

Sally

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Update #54

The other day I was helping Shannon prepare for an animal quiz in science.  He explained concepts like hibernation, metamorphosis, migration, etc.  Perhaps, some of you were beginning to think I became a bear, and dropped into hibernation, with the length of time it’s been since my last message.  I just needed a little extra time.

After my roughest summer yet, September brought some real joy.  I started feeling better after having switched from every day shots of chemotherapy to three times a week.  My weight loss stopped, and thanks to all of your wonderful prayers, against “medical explanation,” my 14.8 calcium level dipped to a much more palatable level of 13.0 in mid to late September.  Andy, Shannon, and I enjoyed a couple days at the cottage with nice colorful pontoon rides and fall time views of the lake (oh, well and Andy also had a little work to do, as his helper has moved from nearly any help at all to no help at all).  :-)

The month was probably capped off by the “girls weekend” to Grand Haven.  Now the four of us (Michele, Jill, Peggy, myself) are not exactly “girls” anymore, but we do bring the same level of childhood passion to the trip.  The Salmon Festival was there, so we joined in under the tent for a live band and great people watching.  My friend Michele got me a chair from the band, but I also just had to bounce up for a few of my favorites and let her roll.  A friend of ours took us for an awesome boat/yacht ride, and I did go out to sit on the front of the boat, breathe in deep, and let the pain free (sort of a Sally Titanic moment).  An anonymous source says, “Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings.”   They say all you have to do is listen.

So, on September 28th, my sister Linda and I headed to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  Linda was an excellent caregiver on the trip, as I’m the type of patient who needs a medical nurse and a personal nurse J.  I had blood tests, scan tests, nurse consults, and then a doctor’s meeting on Monday.  The news was my scan test results showed some smaller cancer cells and good impact to the lobe most recently worked on, but slight growth to the other.  Hence, the cancer overall was about the same.  Nine weeks had passed since the last scan, so I guess while it wasn’t the news I dreamed for, the cancer could have progressed during that time.

On Tuesday, September 30th, I went for my fourth (3 during summer of 2007) hepatic artery embolization.  The procedure went as planned, and Dr. Andrews was able to shut off the blood flow going through 3 distinct veins.  At one time this procedure was going to be outpatient, but they decided the day before I would be admitted to St. Mary’s Hospital on the extended complex.   What happened for the rest of the week’s stay to put it in my terms, is my liver got angry, and zinged several side effects my way including high fever, nausea, elevated white blood counts, excruciating pain in right side including back, neck, and shoulder region, shortness of breath (needed oxygen for 2 days).  I knew the risks going in and wanted to proceed.  After all, do I want to be a bear that crawls in a hole waiting for this cancer to leave my body as I take a deep, long nap or do I want to fly like a bird to a new place that may offer a better climate until I return home?

I’ve been home this week recuperating back with my rock star, Andy, and Shannon.  My sister Brenda has taken time off work to help me out immensely this week, and my mom has been much support too.  People even helped with meals for while I was out of town.  This network is golden. 

A curious topic has not been in my updates, which is Shannon’s football season.  Well, when I’m quiet, the first thing you know is that the win column is not filling up too quickly, as that competitive intensity never seems to let down it’s guard.  Well, this year Shannon has had the pleasure of playing starting quarterback, middle line backer, kicker, punter, and occasionally other roles.  The team’s record is no wins, 2 losses, and one tie.  The bigger news though is that Shannon got injured last week with football, and after the doctor took x-rays, he now is in an arm cast due to a fractured wrist, and will no longer be able to play the rest of the year.  His attitude has been good about it, but he is so worried about it being his right hand with the school MEAP tests starting next week.  A fourth grader with the energy of the energizer bunny all wrapped up in a cast is going to be a new challenge for the Lake household.

I’m going to end on a very emotional piece.  Shannon’s teacher told us that his writing skills are getting stronger and how he is learning concepts of “exploding” his message.

This short story piece came home the other day.  If a 9 year old can unlock and articulate his feelings as much as this, shouldn’t we too also commit to being vulnerable even if just once in awhile. 

My Mom has Cancer

by Shannon Lake

I wake up.  I am living a sweet life in Kentwood, Michigan and nothing has gone wrong for me until it hit me like a jackhammer going through my stomach.  My mom told me she had cancer.  I knew she must have been joking, but it was 100% true. 

I ran to my bedroom storming in tears.  I must have had enough tears to make it look like I had just taken a bath.  It went from sadness to anger.  I thought I could sock somebody in the gut so hard they would go back ten feet.  I thought my life was over but it wasn’t quite yet.

I’ve had to deal with the cancer and that is all I can do.  We still do stuff but nothing like before.  I like that they told me the truth and that is what matters.  The fact they told me is showing integrity.

Sally

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9.8.08  

Update #53

A couple birdies who frequent the web site mentioned they have figured out how the flow of my messages go, so they sometimes “cheat” and find the health update first.  I decided since I prefer to be more of the unpredictable type, that I would mix the order up a little this time.  I, however, did not add brevity to the message. 

Let’s begin with a health update.  ‘Calling All Prayers’ for the lowering of my calcium levels.  Last week at the doctor, my calcium reached a personal record high level of 14.8 (normal range is 8.6 to 10.2).  The medical staff is very concerned about this runaway calcium in my bloodstream.  The nurses said that my ability to function normally at this level is incredible and must be powered by my strong will.  I replied, “perhaps, but it’s also one more example of God helping me through this indescribable battle."  Other blood tests were fortunately pretty good, including my liver enzymes, so that was positive. 

In case anyone is wondering, yes, I am super skinny right now, but I continue “chowing down” in an effort to gain weight.  Who would believe that in 3rd grade, I weighed 100 pounds, and spent the summer swimming 100 laps a day to lose 15 pounds before entering 4th grade?  It has been hard lately for the chemotherapy shots have been going on over 100 days, and do not always support a healthy appetite.  I have several friends who have told me in being loyal supporters; they have helped me out by putting pounds on this summer. :-)

My next trip to Mayo Clinic has been scheduled.  On September 29th, I will get a CT scan test and meet with the doctors to discuss the results.  The following day, I will be going for a chemo hepatic artery embolization procedure similar to the three I underwent at Mayo Summer Camp 2007.  It’s a rough road being aggressive with these treatments, but I believe it beats the alternative.  A special life long friend sent me a card this week, and she wrote, “It must feel like you're walking around with sunshine on one shoulder and shadow on the other.”  I could not have put it better.  She wants to lift that shadow for me just like so many others.  The words at the end though completely blew me away, as she scribed, “I will be praying that you be given any blessings originally set aside for me.”  What a beautiful, tear-filled gift!

I was excited to learn that my cousin, Ellen, who lives in Chicago, will be running in the Chicago Marathon on October 12th in my honor with contributions going to the American Cancer Society.  She is a real inspiration and in excellent shape, as 26.2 miles is one long run.    If you want to visit her web site, here’s the address (this will link directly to her page):

The American Cancer Society:

Shannon had some days off school leading into Labor Day, so my sister, Brenda, her daughter, Karla, Shannon and I went to the cottage for a couple vacation days.  One story I had to share is our jet skiing adventure.  With my treatments and bad back, I hadn’t gone jet skiing but a couple times in the past two years, but I felt the need to breakdown barriers and ‘just do it.’  Hence, the four of us went on a trip over to two other lakes, and Shannon and I took on the other two in a race around our lake (aahh, the smell of sweet victory for the Lakes).  After going under one of the tunnels to go back to the cottage, Shannon said, “Mom, thank you for doing this.  I know it was hard on you, but I had so much fun.”  I told him I had fun also, and he leaned back and gave me a big kiss.  Did my back hurt the next week? Absolutely it did.  Will I ever regret this adventure?  Absolutely not. 

I just finished the book, “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch who recently died at 47 of pancreatic cancer.  Like myself, his father had recently passed away.  Randy wished he could reach to his dad for advice as he dealt with his terminal illness.  He wrote something that really resonated:  “I also think my dad would be reminding me that kids- more than anything else- need to know their parents love them.  Their parents don’t have to be alive for that to happen.”  I know my dad loved me, and I believe Shannon knew that Friday afternoon on the water, his mom would always love him.  I also know Shannon will always have the love of Andy, an incredible father and husband.  Every day my mom shows me her love.  May this inspire all who are parents, for cancer has nothing to do with the message.  It’s all about love. 

A few people over the past couple years have shared when they think of me, they think survivor.  Well, in reading a new book my sister Linda gave me, called “Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor”, the author Kris Carr shared this piece inspired by Beth Villandry.  Thanks for helping me be a survivor!

A survivor is a triumphant person who lives with, after, or in spite of a diagnosis or traumatic event.  Survivors refuse to assume the identity of their adversity. 

They are not imprisoned by the constraints of a label.  Instead, survivors use their brush with mortality as a catalyst for creating a better self.  We transform our experience n order to further evolve spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Our reality challenges us to go deeper.

Survivors cultivate an essence that will never be victim to a word.

Sally

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8.13.08  

Update #52

Summer has been action-packed and filled with some fantastic experiences.  It’s always easy to look back and wonder where the summer went, but it’s just more fun to focus on the good times spent, than to labor on what didn’t get accomplished as planned.  Wow, a health condition really does have the power to allow me to appreciate things differently.

Shannon goes to a school with a unique schedule, so he already began fourth grade on August 5th.  Shannon was fortunate to get the teacher he wanted, and he is excited to be with his friends again.  He won’t admit it very often, but Shannon really loves school.

Shannon, my mom, and I just returned from an enjoyable long weekend in Chicago.  We stayed with my sister and brother-in-law, Linda and Jerry, who were wonderful hosts and tour guides.  Shannon went with Jerry to Six Flags/Great America amusement park and both “kids” managed to ride just about every roller coaster, many more than once.  Meanwhile, my mom, sister, and I had a nice day getting our nails done, shopping, and taking in Chicago cuisine.  We all went on Saturday to a Cirque Shanghi performance (my favorite part of the trip, and with me it is hard to top a pedicure :) ) and to the 95th room of the John Hancock building for refreshments overlooking the city.  There are a few Chicago pictures just added in the photo gallery by the way.  Andy stayed home and took in some rare relaxation time.

Our last trip to Mayo went very well.  The ct scan results from the first procedure showed some of the cancer cells in the region impacted by the first dose of radioactive “seeds”, appeared to be weakened by the treatment.  Also, there was no evidence of any new growth from the scan results of six weeks prior.  This helped my spirits in going into the 2nd procedure the following day, where the doctor deposited radioactive “seeds” in the other lobe of my liver and around the lining of my liver.  Andy said to me that I didn’t seem very excited about the news.  I guess it just had been a long time since positive news had come our way, so I was cautiously optimistic.  My sister, Candy, gave me a recommendation, “don’t be afraid to celebrate good news”.   She was so right.

Andy and I are waiting for word from Mayo as to next steps.  In the meantime, I continue to give myself daily chemo shots at home and receive medicines at the doctor’s office in an effort to bring my calcium levels down.  A hard thing right now is the fact I am losing weight.  Earlier this week, I emailed a friend on how it was troubling me to look in the mirror and see a pretty frail Sally.  Her response to me filled me with “sprinkle eyes”, as she responded, “The thought of you frail just doesn’t fit.  You will always be a strong, bold, beautiful woman to me, no matter what your body does.”  She inspired me to remember cancer cannot and will not change the person I am inside.  It is so nice to be lifted in spirit by the words and gestures of family and friends.  

I received an Eleanor Roosevelt quote from a couple who have both battled cancer.  Her quote read, “It is a curious thing in human experience, but to live through a period of stress and sorrow with another person, creates a bond which nothing seems able to break.”  I have been lifting many prayers for others, who have recently encountered health challenges.  It is my hope that out of these difficult times, they will experience this sense of unity that Andy and I have found, so impossible to describe.  And as for Shannon, he rubs my back in public when I have pain asking if that made it better; he offers his favorite little pillow for me to take on Mayo trips; and he asks me every time he gets home, “did you have a good day mom?”  No, the three of us cannot change the fact that I have cancer, but we have changed the way we live and share love as a family.

One more thing I need to share.  While at our cottage, we attended the Presbyterian “camp” church a few weeks ago with my mom and Candy and Tom.  The minister shared a concept called the Daily Examen introduced by St. Ignatius of Loyola.  I thought to myself that I would pass that along on the site to those who may not be familiar with it.  The idea is at the end of the day to find a relaxing place, clear your mind, and ask two simple questions: 1) For what moment today am I most grateful? 2) For what moment today am I least grateful?  Through reflecting on each, it allows a chance to see what brings us joy and what brings us desolation or challenges.  I’ve learned a couple things from trying the Daily Examen, for me, the good moments share the common element of love, where the bad moments always come back to fear or anger.  Now I know why they call this concept pretty simple!

Sally

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7.18.08  

Update #51

Nearly every single day someone says or multiple people mention, they are keeping me in their prayers.  It is so difficult to describe how uplifting a feeling it is to know that all of these thoughts and prayers represent the circle of love that surrounds me.  I have really been enjoying all the recent messages in the guest book also.  I know it’s a crazy way to look at it; but sometimes I picture all of these prayers coming at God like in a game of dodge ball.  He must think, “how many people does she have on this support team?” as prayer “balls” are coming from every direction.

Shannon’s all-star action was so much fun to watch.  Caledonia played three games, and while the team did not go onto the next level, the boys made a great effort.  Shannon fielded very well, mostly at 3rd base and one game as pitcher.  His batting percentage was well over 500, and he loved playing with many of his friends.  Andy helped coach, and he delegated the perfect job to me, keeping track of pitch count for both teams.  It seemed to be a strategy on his and Shannon’s part to keep me very focused on pitch count, causing limited ability for my usual, vocal parental input.  Yes, this was a very clever move on their part, indeed.

In my last message, I spoke of a planned trip to Mayo Clinic for the first procedure of radioactive “seeds” being deposited to my liver.  Well, thankfully the doctor who performed the procedure was able to administer a full dose into one lobe of my liver.  He felt so pleased with the outcome that Andy and I are leaving Monday July 21st to return to Mayo for a second procedure.  The same doctor is going to administer radioactive “seeds” into my other lobe.  Then, approximately a month later, I will return for a hepatic artery embolization.  Hence, the one-two punch from my last message has now added a third punch into the plan.  I know you are likely anxious to know if the daily chemotherapy shots I administer and the radioactive “seeds” are working, but it is just too soon to tell.  My blood test results continue to look good with the exception of that nagging high calcium issue.

It is such a relief to have Andy with me on these Mayo visits.  We are very thankful for the support he is receiving from the leadership of his department at Spartan.  I have been trying to work two days a week still at Fairly Painless Advertising, and they have been excellent about all of my necessary absences.  Shannon will be in good hands the week we go to Mayo, as he will again be going to Traverse City with his daycare provider.

I was sitting at Panera’s the other day waiting and noticed a sign that said, “Wake Up Happy.”  Sure it was simply promoting a breakfast sandwich, but I drifted deeper and thought about how my life has changed a lot since the cancer.  I don’t feel well right now with constant headaches, nausea, backaches, and general fatigue; however, other than an occasional pity party, I Wake Up Happy.  I know how to relax now (a newly adopted trait); just today I watched 7 baby ducks cross the golf course, watered and cared for flowers, listened to birds chirping, and made sure to get plenty of rest. 

One thing though that remains on “high energy” status, is my passionate desire to battle this disease with that gift of competitive fire I have been given.  Sometimes I try to do this on my own, and quite frankly, it doesn’t work out too well.  I want to close with an excerpt from Dancing With God that a friend emailed me.  This poem speaks of the way I manage to “Wake Up Happy” through surrendering my trust in God:

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,

I kept seeing ‘dance’ at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God’s will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn’t flow with the music,

and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

 

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,

both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back

or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.

It’s as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness,

and attentiveness from one person

and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

 

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.

When I saw ‘G’: I thought of God, followed by ‘u’ and ‘i’.

God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust

that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

Sally

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6.19.08  

Update #50

When I typed the words update #50, I just stopped and pondered to think about how much gratification has been given to me through the ability to stay connected to all of you.  Most of us have shared laughs and some tears along the way of the last 49 updates, and the greatest joy for me has been the continued gift of life.  June 23rd marks two years since my surgeon oncologist informed Andy and me that the cancer had come back with vengeance in the form of “too many tumors to count” in the liver and surrounding lymph nodes.  In a book I am reading, the late Christopher Reeves, actor and activist, was quoted saying “You play the hand you’re dealt.  I think the game’s worthwhile.”  Amen to Christopher’s thoughts, as folding due to a bad hand was never an option for me either.

Shannon’s baseball season has almost come to a close.  The team had a rough season, but they did manage to win a few games and came super close on many others.  Shannon got a certificate at the end from the coach, who commented that he was the best hitter on the team.  We are very excited, as he has been selected to be on an all-star team.  The big sports upset though was that he took 1st place in the tennis skills competition at the Junior Olympics in Caledonia for his age group and qualified to compete in the regional event.  This is a kid who has only held a racket a handful of times playing against his mom in Florida and a couple times locally.  We are not sure the outcome of the regional event, but we are so incredibly proud that he had the courage to even compete, let alone do so well.  He also placed 2nd in the Caledonia basketball competition, but only 1st place winners go onto the regional events.

A couple weeks ago, we got together for a family birthday party and also celebrated my nephew, Michael’s, graduation.  The card Andy, Shannon, and I gave him had a quote on it from Logan Pearsall Smith that just seemed perfect for someone beginning a new chapter in his journey.  It read, “There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it.  Only the wisest of people achieve the second.”  Even being very competitive and goal focused, I believe firmly that all cannot be expended in the quest or mission, as if you lose sight of what makes you happy, so much is lost in the process.

A lot has been happening on the health front.  I have been taking self-administered chemotherapy shots daily for the past several weeks.  The medicine is predominantly designed to help strengthen my immune system, but it also has potential for targeting the cancer.  My local nurse told me the shots would cause side effects that would be like the worst flu of my life.  She was right as it was one rough ride, but the doctor also informed me it would get better over time, and he was thankfully also correct. 

Last week, Andy and I headed to Mayo.  We were very fortunate that Karla and Cory and my mom watched Shannon while we were gone.  He had a terrific time with them (especially as much as they all spoil him).  As I mentioned in my last update, I went there to do a “test” pre-procedure to see if my body could handle radioactive “seeds” being deposited through my arteries to my liver without too much shunting/leaking to my lungs or my stomach region.  The only complication was that my calcium was so high again (13.3), they had to conference to determine if they would go ahead with the pre-procedure, but fortunately they felt I could handle it with all my past dealings with the high calcium.  I also got a kick out of the fact that I have a new name there; two doctors and a nurse in separate situations referred to me as “the nice lady from Michigan”.  Andy joked with me later that they really don’t know me very well. 

It looks like perhaps this will be my second year of “summer camp” at Mayo.  I have just received word that the doctors are recommending a two-step treatment plan for me.  I already will be returning with Andy to Mayo next week (week of June 23) for the actual radioactive “seeds” procedure.  They are not going to be able to give me a full dose due to the difficulty of reaching my liver in the right places and due to the large quantity of cancer, so approximately a month later they are going to have me return, and the same doctor is going to perform a special hepatic artery embolization.  In my crazy continued need to be unique, apparently I have developed a new network of artery branches flowing into my liver, caused by the cancer trying to feed off more blood flow.  The goal would be to close down as many of these new branches as possible.  They are going to be aggressive, as they know that also is my desire.  I like to think of it as giving the cancer the one, two punch.  I feel really good about all of this, as it is so important for me to be on a plan, knowing I am pushing the limits to try to prolong my life.  God continues to answer our prayers and help me walk through new doors with an amazing sense of peace.

Andy and Shannon are so incredibly strong through all this.  What a relief it is to be close as a family at a time filled with much uncertainty.  For Father’s Day, Shannon painted a birdhouse for his dad’s gift.  It was so moving when Andy opened it and on one side Shannon painted Andy’s name, one side his name, and one side my name.  On the bottom he had painted Father’s Day 2008.  He used a variety of bright colors that just popped.  When something difficult happens, it is easy to lose sight of the colorful surroundings that still exist.  I am quite confident we are not going to let that happen, as “the game’s worthwhile” to us and if we keep finding a few of God’s rainbows here and there, our dreams still give us a vision of hope.  Wow, update #50 and two memorable years since the cancer returned!  Yes, dreams really can come true.

Sally

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Update #49

Someone asked me the other day what my favorite season was, and I replied, “summer, summer, and oh, summer.”  I am excited about warmer weather and outdoor fun being just around the corner.  There just is something about the sun shining brightly that adds extra pep to my step.

Earlier this month, the women of our family did something for our first time.  My mom, sisters, Karla (Brenda’s daughter), and yours truly went to New Buffalo, MI for Mother’s Day weekend.  It started with my mom and I going for a manicure and pedicure.  We really got some chuckles from the experience, as the room we were in (including the gal doing our nails) was the size of a coat closet, and it took over 4 hours.  My sisters joked  they were going to have to send in a rescue team.  On Saturday, I enjoyed a walk on the beach with my sister Linda and took pride in the fact that I managed to climb about 70 stairs to get back to our place. 

My mom brought old pictures for us to peruse, and it generated terrific memories and oodles of laughs.  Also, you can see a couple photos from our trip in the photo gallery.  We asked a man at the inn to take our picture, and I shared that we were having a mother, daughter trip.  Then someone said we also had a granddaughter, and I immediately informed him that was me (ok, yes I was pushing it a bit, but you have to think young when you can’t exactly feel it). 

Shannon’s baseball is in full swing, and he is really enjoying it.  He has three consistent fans: a calm Grandma Barb, a reasonable dad, and a mom who thinks that the little league minors are one step from professional ball.  He has been hitting great (already has singles, doubles, a triple, and a home run).  He is learning to pitch, and I must say this is a new level of pressure (especially for his mom).  I asked Shannon the other day if he minded how much I yelled out to him.  He replied, “I MOSTLY like it.” :)

 I read an email the other day about a column from the NY Times written by former professional baseball player, Doug Glanville.  The article talked about one of the single hardest acts in sports:  hitting a curve ball.  He described how a hitter has about two-tenths of a second to locate the ball and make a decision to swing, and hopefully manage have the ball meet the bat. Glanville said the problem with a curve ball is the movement down or side to side, and consequently, the hitter has no idea it is coming.  He talked about the practice and hard work it takes to handle these curve balls.  The line that brought a lump to my throat though, was when he said the metaphor was clear:  none of this will come easily, and in a tough environment, only the best will succeed.  The curve ball of cancer doesn’t completely match the metaphor.  He’s right, going to bat against cancer is not easy, and it takes some real perseverance to keep swinging at those cancer curve balls, but the best players do not always get to succeed.  Learning and accepting this lesson perhaps has been the biggest curve ball for me, as I just want so much to beat this cancer and not disappoint anyone along the way.

I have on the health front been consumed primarily with my local doctor trying to find solutions to get my calcium levels down.  I have been going to the doctor’s office 2-3 times per week for blood tests, and we have tried various options to lower the calcium.  Please just keep those prayers coming, as we search for answers.  Also, this week I should be scheduling a future appointment to go back to Mayo Clinic to research a new treatment course.  My first trip will be for pre-testing and a “simulation” procedure to see if it is safe for us to proceed in this direction.  This is a radiologist-conducted procedure where tiny, permanent radioactive “seeds” will be deposited through my arteries into my liver to attack the cancer.  I will provide more information after we see if I am a potential candidate through the pre-testing.

Andy and I talk regularly with Shannon about dealing with my cancer and processing the emotions of sadness, fear, anger, etc.  Well the other day, I came unglued at him for not turning in a check and some paperwork to school after 5 straight nights of reminders.  Shannon looked at me with a straight face and said, “Mom, is this that anger thing you have been talking about?”  The tables sure turned quickly on that one.

For Memorial weekend, my mom is planning to come with us to the cottage.  We are glad she is going to join us.  There is a huge hole in all of our lives with my dad being gone, but my mom has kept going strong, and I know my dad would be so proud of how she is living her life in his absence.  Many of us have lost loved ones.  I wanted to end with this poem, for it seems appropriate as I admire lessons in life my parents taught me.  I also hope you will find “the life that is you”:

The Life That Is You

by Ralph Marston

You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable.

Which would you rather be?

You can choose to make productive and purposeful use of the moments in this day,

Or you can choose to let the time slip away and be left with nothing but regret.

Life is what you decide you are going to make of it.  What have you decided to make of the possibility-filled moment that is right now?

You can complain that it’s all so very unfair, but all that you will accomplish is to bring you down even more.  Or, you can fully accept life as it is and then experience the genuine satisfaction of making your way forward in spite of obstacles.

You can choose to hide behind excuses or you can open yourself up to the richness of life.  You can decide to make the most of whatever comes your way, and know how great it feels to be fully alive and engaged in your world.

No matter what has come before, life in this moment is what you decide to make it.  Consider all the possibilities, and then choose the life that is you.

Sally

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Update #48

What better place to begin than a vacation update?  Andy, Shannon, and I had such a terrific time on our trip to Florida.  We went to a Tampa Bay Devil Rays game against the New York Yankees.  Even though we are of course Detroit Tigers fans, Shannon wore a Tampa Bay baseball hat and managed to get up on the big screen monitor for the whole stadium to see.  He really was a “star” that week, as when we went to a stunt car performance at Disney World, he got picked out of an audience of about 2000 people to go down on the track and operate a vehicle via remote control.  At the end, they asked him what he thought, and he simply replied, “Well, THAT was fun.”

Also while at Disney, I received a phone call that one study I had hoped to go on at Karmanos was no longer available.  I felt sad, and then Andy and Shannon said to look up in the sky.  There was a plane that had drawn a J.  Right after that, came a message, “Jesus Loves U”.  Timing like that is more than coincidence.  The entire week I was given a gift of tremendous energy.  Good friends of ours also offered to take Shannon overnight mid-week, so Andy and I could enjoy a relaxing dinner and evening together.  Words can’t quite describe how good it felt to be together enjoying life as a family.

The other day I received in the mail a copy of a note from my mom’s sister, Aunt Donna.  She explained that her granddaughter, Clarissa, had been assigned an essay with the other fifth graders, and she had been selected to read her essay at the school musical.  Each of the students had to write about their role model, and she had picked me.  I read the essay where she explained why I was her role model, and it brought me to incredible tears of joy.  My aunt wrote that at the end of the essay reading, Clarissa said, “Sally, you raise me up” and then they sang the song You Raise Me Up.  I have only met Clarissa once at the hospital when my dad was in the coma, but she likes to follow this blog.  Clarissa holds a special place in my heart.  I marvel at how you may touch lives from a far, and receive graces back a hundred fold of what you share.

This week I attended my nephew Michael’s graduation from Grand Valley State University where he received his Bachelor’s in Secondary Education.  Soon I hope to have a couple of the pictures we took after the ceremony added to the site.  I was so proud of his accomplishment and clearly could see how much it meant to his mom, my sister, Brenda.

First, on the health front, I am happy to report that my brain MRI results came back negative.  The doctor’s office said jokingly, “Yes you do have a brain, but the negative diagnosis means you don’t have cancer in the brain.”  In terms of treatment, I have not been able to start anything new yet, with this latest denial being related to my calcium levels being too high.  I continue to battle this situation with calcium medications, and now am evaluating eligibility for other medicines through Karmanos in Detroit or a radiological procedure at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  I’ve been waiting to write this message until I had something more definitive, but it just has been a really tedious situation with no immediate solutions.

A friend and cancer survivor sent me this story that seemed like perfect timing with everything going on lately.  I want to share it as a reminder for all of us:

When your hut’s on fire..  The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island.  He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him.  Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.  Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.  One day after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky.  He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost.  He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger.  He cried out, ‘God! How could you do this to me?’  Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island!  It had come to rescue him.  ‘How did you know I was here?’ asked the weary man of his rescuers.  ‘We saw your smoke signal,’ they replied.

The Moral of this story:  It’s easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn’t lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.  Remember that next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground.  It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

I’m not sure what is next for me, but there are many things I do know.  My battle with cancer has impacted Andy, Shannon, our families and friends.  I only have to look into eyes and see how much this circle around me wishes they could heal me.  I feel the heartache of others who watch me try so hard to find the best solution.  But please do not forget that miracles come in many forms.  At church last Sunday, the 2nd grade class was recognized for having taken their first communions.  As Shannon puts it, I had “sprinkle eyes” come upon me, as I recalled how much I had prayed that I would be able to see Shannon take his first communion last April.  Here I am, a year later, still in this fight.   Here all of you are a year later, sending up “smoke signals” and raising me up.

Sally

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Update #47

The season of spring has been filled with as many personal ups and downs as the Michigan weather.  Despite all of my health challenges, I feel full of energy and believe firmly that negativity or inner resistance is contrary to the way I wish to live.  A friend of mine suggested I pick up a book by Eckhart Tolle called “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.”  After the first 20 pages, which did not amuse me, I then became completely enthralled by the content of the book.  I pondered the quote, “If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in.”  I love the feeling of rays of sunshine warming my skin, so keeping those shutters open, sounds like a plan to me.

Andy, Shannon, and I spent a very uplifting weekend at the end of March with friends of ours, Ellen and Dave, plus another couple who we just met.  We went to Detroit to visit Father Solanus Center and the Divine Mercy Center.  Learning about the simple life of Father Solanus, who fully committed himself to serving others, was a humbling experience.  We were able to receive a blessing by the tomb of Father Solanus.  In touring the museum portion, I was taken in by a quote from Father Solanus on the wall.  It said, “Man’s greatness lies in being faithful to the present moment.”  They say he could not achieve good enough grades to become a priest who could deliver homilies, but with over 20,000 people attending his funeral, it was crystal clear that his wisdom ran deep in offering compassion and love.

On Sunday, we attended a special healing service, prayers, and mass at the Divine Mercy Center.  Shannon was so good, as we were there for 5 hours.  He did make one wise crack, but it was quite funny.  When they announced a hymn number, he looked it up, and handed the book to me.  I noticed it was in Latin, and Shannon whispered in my ear, “Good luck with that.”  The weekend gave me an incredible sense of peace.

A new sports season has arrived; it’s time for baseball.  Shannon is really excited about playing again.  Andy and I have been practicing with him in our backyard and at ball fields.  One thing though, should a 43 year old woman be afraid of a fast ball coming from a 9 year old?  While I never let him see me sweat, I do explain how important it is to take off some heat to consistently throw strikes (this of course is also for self protection purposes).

On the health front, things have been a bit rough lately.  While I feel pretty good, the cancer and I do not necessarily agree.  I recently had a liver MRI to get a detailed view of my liver.  I’m sorry to report that there is more cancer in my liver.  Due to my liver enzymes fluctuating so much lately and my cancer getting worse, I am not able to continue on the original pill based treatment.  I also have been getting a lot of headaches, so this week, I will be having a brain MRI.  In a couple weeks, they hope to start me on a different treatment course with new medicines.  My mom has been such a trooper going with me to my Detroit appointments.  Please pray the brain MRI comes back negative and that my liver will stabilize.

There is an excerpt from the same book I mentioned earlier, that I also wanted to share.  It says, “The modalities of awakened doing are acceptance, enjoyment, and enthusiasm.  Modality means the underlying energy that flows into what you do and connects your actions.  If you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others.”

Just today, those words came to mind.  Shannon was in a high-energy mode and really acting up.  I yelled at him to give me a break, as I had to go to the doctor’s office all afternoon for calcium medicines, a shot, and a doctor’s appointment.  He looked at me and said, “Mom, shouldn’t it be o.k. to goof around and have fun?  I would never try to hurt you.”  After swallowing hard and holding back the tears, I replied, “Shannon you are right.”  Andy and I love the strength and courage he shows us each and every day.

 My friend gave me a ring the other night with the inscription “laugh often”. Andy and Shannon have been trying to keep the mood light lately in the midst of much uncertainty.  We leave in a couple days for vacation in Florida.  I plan to let the sunlight in, laugh often, and stay awakened.  I wish the same for all of you.  Oh, and remember to keep those shutters open this spring.  J

Sally

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Update #46

I must have been snoozing at the wheel (or on the computer keyboard), for almost a month has gone by since my last update.  Shannon has a kid’s musical cd he plays sometimes, and there is a song which he jokingly calls my favorite.  The song lyrics chime, “time goes by … so slowly.”   I just smile and reminisce about the concept of time as a child, often wishing it could feel that calm speed again. 

We have hit another web site milestone with over 20,000 site visits.  I am truly humbled by the support in following the site of family, friends, and those of you whom I have never experienced the blessing of meeting.  I may be fighting the battle of a lifetime, but with a team of committed people around me, I am better equipped to tackle the challenge.  I am so grateful for how each of you has helped me grow in faith and spirit.

The other day I was picking Shannon up from school and noticed a couple sayings on the sign out front.  One side read, “Talking is sharing, but listening is caring;” and the other noted, “Ideas don’t work unless we do.”   The first was self-explanatory and offered a good reminder that there is power in silence.  I often notice it seems awkward for some to know what to say given my circumstances.  Everyone is different, but for me, just having people there to listen is all I need.  I did however also make a mental note to make sure I ramble less and lend an ear more often.  Shannon and I actually discussed the latter saying on the car ride home.  A teachable moment turned into a child being the instructor for the adult.  Shannon touted from the back seat, “Mom, it means you cannot just come up with stuff and quit there.  You need to work at making those things really happen.”

Shannon is now in Florida with his friend’s family.  It was a very generous offer for them to take him on their family vacation and provide Andy and I with a nice break.   Before Shannon left, I had the opportunity to watch he and his friend perform at the school wide talent show.  It meant so much to me, as I was devastated to miss the “I Love Rock & Roll” performance when I was sick on Valentine’s Day.  It is hard to describe the emotions that overcame me, but I don’t think either of us will ever forget it. 

My wish would be to share with all of you that the pill based treatment through Karmanos in Detroit is going well, but it has been sort of like maneuvering a four way stop while driving.  I pulled up to the corner, knowledgeable about all the rules, and then experienced a fair amount of issues beyond my control, making it difficult to move in the desired direction.  Now that I have created complexity, let me clarify.  I started the treatment on February 25th.  Due to side effects being quite substantial, I went off the medicine for the week of March 3rd (doctors orders of course, as for those of you who know me, I was all about staying on the plan).  The week of March 10th, I started on a lower dose of the medication.  As of that Friday, my blood test results dictated the necessity to take me back off the medicine.  It hasn’t been easy, but the medical staff has been absolutely fabulous to work with at Karmanos and everything considered, I still feel really good.  My blood will be monitored frequently, and then doctors will recommend next steps.  More than ever, that liver needs to be powered by prayer.

A friend at work the other day shared with me an age-old concept from Celtic literature from Ireland, England, and Scotland, known as “thin places.”  This was a cool, new lesson for me.  Many of you may realize that “thin places” are the places where it is believed the veil or curtain separating heaven and earth is the thinnest; the place where the membrane between God and humans becomes especially permeable and people become aware of God’s presence.  My friend said his pastor challenged in his message, to look in daily life’s common occurrences, for the opportunity to find “thin places.”

“Mountain top” experiences may seem out of reach, but I believe they are far easier to find, if we are eagerly looking for them and want to make ordinary become extraordinary.  To capture the essence, we probably need to be moving at a calm speed.  I used to reach those 4 way stops and get irritated by other drivers who rudely went out of turn, didn’t know the “rules”, and even those kind folks, who just waved everyone through the intersection, bothered me.  Now, I just laugh and realize it really is no big deal in the scheme of things.

I’m not sure what is next in terms of my treatment options, but Andy said something to me a couple nights ago, that felt like a “thin place.”  He said, “Sally, you will never leave us.  No matter what, you will always be with Shannon and me.”   I told him the same thing that I want each of you to know, I will never quit fighting, and we must be grateful for how fortunate I have been in this journey.

Sally

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Update #45

The month has been so busy; I realized it was definitely time to write a new update.  This time of year often has its challenges with battling the winter weather and trying to keep a sunny perspective despite many cloudy days.  A couple weeks ago, I jokingly asked a friend, you know when they developed the saying, “when it rains, it pours,” what comes next, for that was how things seemed to be going.  Let me explain.

The day before Valentine’s Day, I found out my calcium level was still high, and I had to undergo another 4-hour injection of medicine and fluids at my local oncologist’s office.  Later that night, I slipped on the ice at church after picking Shannon up from his faith formation class.  Being sick all night, the next morning Andy took me to urgent care where they determined I suffered a mild concussion.  Unfortunately, I had to miss Shannon performing at his class talent show for their Valentine’s Day party.  He dressed up and wore a wig of mine (which we dyed jet black) singing “I Love Rock and Roll” with his friend.  I am sure they brought the house down. :-) 

With the high calcium level, recovering from the concussion, and anticipating beginning a new treatment plan, I began to feel a bit anxious.  This is when a friend of mine reminded me on the phone one day, “Nothing can hurt you when you have joy.”  Yes, I thought to myself, finding the path to joy is one of life’s rewarding missions.

The next week was fabulous.  Shannon and I went to Chicago on the train, as he had a week off school.  We stayed with my sister and her husband, Linda and Jerry, in downtown Chicago.  The highlight of our trip was going to the theater to see Wicked.  I loved watching Shannon’s facial expressions as he enjoyed his first theater performance.  We also went ice-skating, which sensible minds would know I should not have done, but I managed without any falls.  Soon we will put some Chicago pictures on the site.  My sister treated me to a chocolate pedicure at their health club for my birthday.  How good is that, a combination of two awesome things in one!

Sitting down in the waiting area of the club after, I glanced down and saw a piece of paper on the table.  It read, “Word of the Week: *hope*,” and offered numerous definitions for hope, as well as multiple quotes/musings about hope.  One section really stood out for me that expressed:

Hope Is: having faith that the outcome will be positive even when the evidence seems to point to the opposite.

Hope Is: believing there is color when all you can see is grey.

Hope Is: believing there is light when it appears you are living in dark.

I asked Linda and Jerry if these words of the week are at the club often.  Neither had ever seen any communication of that nature.  I don’t know who authored the paper or who left it behind, but I believe it entered my path for a reason.

At the end of the week, after returning from Chicago, it was time for the parents to play a scrimmage game against Shannon’s basketball team.  Andy of course represented the parents’ team well, but I was quite shaky on the court.  It did however take bravery, as I was the only mother to play.  Shannon was smart to beg me to do this, as I was much quieter in terms of advice from the sidelines at his game the following day.  Basketball never was a strong suit for me.

It is the week of February 25th, and I have just returned from two days at the Karmanos Cancer Center in Detroit.  My sister Linda went on the trip with me to help out.  In testing from the prior week I qualified, and now I have started the new pill-based treatment plan.  I would so appreciate your prayers that the side effects from the medicine will be manageable, and that the pills will be effective in attacking the cancer.  Thank you for your prayers that were answered allowing me to be eligible for this option.

In pondering how I would end today’s update, something became very clear to me.  I think I have solved the riddle from earlier.  “When it rains, it pours, and then a rainbow comes out giving a promise of hope.”

 

Sally

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Update #44

It sure has been nice to talk to many of you lately and receive messages on how much you like the new site.   I used to be quite resistant to change, but change really is good (at least most of the time).  I love the fresh look of the new site! 

Andy, Shannon, and I celebrated my birthday at home on Super Bowl Sunday.  Unfortunately, Andy was sick with a virus, but he was a real trooper.   One highlight was an incredible chocolate cake that our friend Charlene made for us (Shannon and I were kind enough to leave some for Andy after he felt better a couple days later).  It looked like it belonged on a magazine cover, and the cake was absolutely delicious.  It is so wonderful how we all have unique talents (I struggle making a boxed cake about once every three years for crying out loud).   By the way, I am 43 now and am debating whether to describe myself as early 40’s or mid 40’s.  I am leaning towards the former.

Last week, we went to see BB King in concert as a gift from friends.  He is such a music legend, strumming on the guitar and belting out lyrics with incredible tone and passion.  In case you are wondering, he is 82 years old.  BB and I share something in common, boy could he talk.  One story he shared was going back 60 years ago in Mississippi in the days of separate drinking fountains.  He spoke of sneaking one day and using the “white” fountain, and to his surprise, how the water tasted the same.  He went deeper into the story and said the reason why he offered this memory up for everyone is for us to realize, the world is a better place than it used to be. 

A few days later my boss reminded me that for every bad or hard to understand circumstance that exists in this world, there are always corresponding good things happening.  Both lessons were a reminder for me that when you look around at tough economic times, war, and hardships, make sure to seek out what good has happened in your life and the world around you.  I sure wish I had prayed as much in my 30’s, as I have in my 40’s, for all the gifts I had been given. 

It is time for a health update.  My mom and I went to Karmanos Cancer Institute in Detroit in late January, where we spent over 3 hours with health care professionals.  They already had accumulated about an 8-inch thick stack on my medical history, and this was just my first appointment.  Since then, I just learned that they are recommending a combination pill based therapy, and if all goes well in screening tests on February 18th at Karmanos, the plan is to start around the beginning of March.  There are risks, but nothing is ideal at this point, and I’m reminded of a timely email a friend sent me, which read, “When you’re down to nothing, God’s up to something.”

Are you familiar with the part of a roller coaster ride where you hang upside down and hope the bar keeps you tightly in your seat?  Well, that is about how my doctor’s appointment went this week.  In visiting my local oncologist (in the middle of a white out snow storm), we found out my calcium levels were approaching dangerously high levels.  Because it was late, I was asked to return the next morning to receive intravenous medicine to lower the calcium. 

My doctor said something to me at my appointment with such compassion in his voice.  He looked at me and said, “You sure have been through a lot Sally.”  Driving home that night, I thought, yes, I have endured a great deal, but how thankful I am to be here to tell the story. 

After returning home, I became extremely ill perhaps catching the virus Andy had earlier in the week or due to the elevated calcium levels.  The next morning the nurse said I needed to come in right away, as otherwise, I could end up in the emergency room.  Shannon had a snow day off school, so fortunately a caring friend volunteered to have Shannon come to her house with an older child to baby sit, and she took me to the doctor’s office.  After receiving four hours of medicine and hydration fluids, I am doing much better.  On a more upbeat note, my hair looks great.  It isn’t quite as curly as over the summer, but it is full of body, and I glow when people actually compliment my hair.

To close this message, I decided to take a few moments this afternoon to write this poem.  I am thankful to have received the wisdom to accept the dramatic changes in my life, and I continue to remain vigilant in this journey.

“I Wonder”

by Sally Lake

I wonder what tomorrow will bring,

or how I might feel by spring;

As thoughts churn deep inside my head,

I attempt to drift asleep in bed.

 

I begin to pray to Lord our King,

please grant me courage to handle anything;

Give me strength to keep other souls fed,

blanket me with comfort, with each tear I shed.

 

“Live each day with love,” the choir of angels sings,

“fear not the day we’ll carry you on our wings;”

“For even if the water is rough ahead,

believe and feel peace, God will help you tread.”

Sally

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Update #43

If you are reading this message, I will assume you had a chance to see the new look and feel of the web site.  I am so fortunate to have such a giving, creative, and technologically savvy friend in Sue Glandon.  While she is too humble to accept it, she deserves the credit for the creation and management of the site.

I chose to use the picture on the home page for sentimental reasons.  The top I am wearing in the photo came with a lot of love.  My mom, dad, and I were shopping one day before my dad passed, and I saw the top and knew it was totally up my alley.  My dad said, “Why don’t you buy it?”  I in reply mentioned, “I am supposed to be in a no-spend mode right now.”  He looked at me and said, “I’m not.  Your mom and I would like to get it for you.”  My dad never had a chance to see me wear that brightly colored top, yet I know the love I reflect as I am watching Shannon play ball the day my friend took that picture, is the same kind of love my dad shared with me.

Andy and I returned this past weekend from Mayo Clinic.  The appointment did not go as well as we had wished.  While the good news is that the cancer is not spreading to new areas, the cancer in my liver is continuing to show growth.  In light of this, as opposed to having a 4th hepatic artery embolization, my doctor at Mayo consulted with my doctor at home, and they determined I should pursue clinical trials as a next step.  On Thursday, January 24th, my mom and I will be heading to Detroit to Karmanos Cancer Center to discuss with a doctor what options might be available at this time.  Fortunately, my liver continues to function as a healthy liver, and the only issues I am battling right now are backaches and high calcium levels.  I fully believe your prayers are helping that liver function.  It reminds me of a t-shirt Andy and I saw in Key West that read “Liver is Evil.”  At first, I thought about getting it, then it dawned on me, a better saying in my case would be “Liver is Powered by Prayer.”

Shannon is handling the news as best as possible.  He continues to do well in school and came in 2nd place in a competition to develop a jungle or safari slogan for their RIP celebration (RIP stands for Reading Incentive Program).  His slogan by the way was “RIPping through the Reading Jungle.”  He has added a new word to his vocabulary, etcetera, and it gives Andy and I quite a chuckle to hear him put it to use.  After our return to Mayo, he asked me if I could get him up earlier on week day mornings, so he could lie in bed and “snuggle” with me a few extra minutes.  He has a heart of gold.

At church last weekend, God was at work again.  Someone asked our family when we sat down if we could bring up the gifts to the priest.  Andy, Shannon, and I have only twice been asked to do this as a family.  The first time was at the Catholic Church in Newaygo by our cottage right after we received news the cancer had returned back in June 2006.  Shannon carefully carried the hosts (bread), Andy the wine, and I the basket.  The experience reminded us of Jesus’ sacrifice and the basket symbolized for me the incredible treasures that surround my life even in some of the most difficult moments.

I read an email after returning from Mayo from a friend who found this through www.marcellasinspiringcollection.com, which really hit home for me:

Life

Never take life for granted

Whatever comes your way,

Just grasp it in both hands

And enjoy it every day.

 

Sometimes sorrow comes your way

Blocking out the light,

That’s the time to pray and

To know you’ll win the fight.

 

Life is but a journey,

Through mountains, hills and vales

We cannot have the sunshine

If we have no rain and gales.

 

So enjoy each precious moment,

And always give your best

Remember keep faith in God

Then you’ll be truly blessed.

Sally

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Update #42   

When you were a child, often you probably heard the statement, enjoy life for as you get older, time will go so much faster.  While we all know that mathematically time is calculated the same, isn’t there so much truth in that old adage?  Here we are in 2008 when most of us remember celebrating New Year’s Eve for the millennium like it was yesterday.  Days become weeks, weeks become months, and so on.  This month I celebrate the fact that 3 years will have passed, since that unforgettable day I was informed I likely had pancreatic cancer.  In contrast to my usual time flies by feeling, a 10-minute drive home from the doctor’s office that day felt like hours.

It took all the strength I had back then to tell my family about the probable cancer diagnosis.  I prayed like crazy just asking God to grant me serenity and help me accept His plan.  Three years later, I think about messages received from friends in emails like “Life is short.  Break the rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.”  I think to myself that is a good New Year’s resolution; then I pause and correct myself, that is a good motto for life as long as I may add, don’t be afraid to cry.  It’s been a Cedar Point style roller coaster ride since January 2005, but that same email wrapped it up by ending with “Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance!”

Andy, Shannon, and I had a wonderful Christmas Eve party with my family at our house.  We read poems in memory of my father who was celebrating his first Christmas in Heaven.  His absence was felt so much, but we knew he would want us to share in laughs and love.  We spent Christmas day with the Lake family at Andy’s parents and enjoyed terrific eats and a fun filled afternoon.  Santa was good to Shannon with his favorite gift being a kayak for use on the lake at the cottage.  Unlike his uncoordinated mom, he has borrowed our friends’ kayak in the past and is quite skilled at it. 

Opening Christmas gifts reminded me of a great email describing quotes from young children on what love meant to each of them.  Wise words came from a 7 year old who said “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”  On a more humorous note, Shannon in laughter pointed out a 6 year old’s thoughts that read, “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”  I must say love is also the honest innocence of a young child.

Over his holiday break, Shannon and I went ice-skating with friends at Rosa Park Circle.  It was only Shannon’s second time skating, and he is quite a trooper (of course I prohibit any child of mine to be a rail hugger).  I used to ice skate as a girl but am now a bit rusty. Just when I began feeling a tad bit over confident, I proceeded to take a rather ungraceful fall.  Not as bad as the time when I was 11 and received new skates for Christmas, and the day after proceeded to attempt a flying camel like Dorothy Hamill, and not only ruined my skates but cut open my foot.  I guess it all makes sense why my fortune at the Chinese restaurant the other day said, “Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure.”

We also went to the YMCA with my mom one afternoon.  I played a game of basketball with Shannon but came away with a less than discreet scratch on my face.  Losing the game by several points coupled with sustaining an injury left my pride quite in check.

Andy and I leave Thursday, January 10 for our trip to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  Four months have quickly passed since my last CT scan test, so we will learn more about the present status of the cancer at this appointment, as I will have blood tests, a chest x-ray, and CT scan.  Andy, Shannon, and I are so thankful for all of your continued thoughts and prayers.  No matter how fast time may go, please always take a moment to be reminded your love is amazing.

Sally

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Update #41   

I’m not sure how many of you have been “dreaming about a white Christmas”, but I’m pretty sure here in Michigan, we are going to have snow on the ground.  No, I am not a meteorologist, but since I am looking out my window at a blanket of white, I feel it is a safe prediction.  It reminds me of a few years ago, when I told a friend, “I can predict the weather when I see it.”  He still gives me a hard time about that profound statement.

Well, Shannon’s birthday party went really well.  He had a terrific group of friends at our house for a sleepover, and other than Andy’s mom getting pelted in a game of dodge ball, it was a loud but injury free night (actually she did get hit but she was playing too and found enjoyment in the game).  Some of the boys who attended play on Shannon’s basketball team.  The games have been fun to watch and the kids get along great.  They have only won one game, but I am amazed at their terrific attitude.  The boys are excellent teammates and good sports, and yes, I continue to be a spirited fan.

Thinking about Shannon building friendships, it reminds me how fortunate I am to have such incredible friends.  I received an email that said an Angel wrote: “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.  To handle yourself, use your head.  To handle others, use your heart.”  When I was in 5^th grade, we did this art project where we removed our socks and shoes, stepped in all different colors of paint, and walked on a large sheet of paper making an abstract design.  I never forgot that day, and I loved doing that project.  The best part of the story is little did I know, that all those footprints on that sheet, would never even come close to the footprints stamped in my heart over time thanks to all of your true friendships.

I went to the doctor last week and received good news.  My blood tests showed my calcium levels were normal, so I will continue to have shots approximately every three weeks.  Thus far, I have fortunately not experienced any side effects this time from the shot.  Andy and I will be leaving on January 10^th for a trip to Mayo.  On January 11^th, I will be having a ct scan test to update us on the status of the cancer and learn if I will need a 4^th hepatic artery embolization procedure.

Last Friday, we went to a holiday get together for our neighborhood.  I was way overdressed, but it didn’t bother me a bit, as I bought a new outfit to celebrate.  Later in the evening, the hostess learned I was battling cancer, had lost my father this summer, and she simply asked me, “How do you do it?”  I explained that for one, I wanted Shannon to have more to remember than his mom being sick with cancer.  Secondly, I needed to be there for Andy, who has been a “rock” through all of this.  Lastly I told her, my faith allows me to never be alone, no matter what I may face.  Days later, I thought about another thing that angel wrote in the email, “God gives every bird it’s food, but He does not throw it into its nest.”  I cannot control the cancer, but I can choose to feed my soul and nourish others.

I wanted to end this update with something I wrote about what Christmas means to me.

I also wish each of you the very best and hope that the New Year will bring you health and happiness.  Here’s how I spell Christmas:

Caring about each other and our differences,

Holding loved ones close and tight,

Remembering those who never left our hearts,

Inspiring all to celebrate life’s joys,

Sharing special times with family and friends,

Trying to be a better person touching lives,

Making beautiful, lasting memories,

Assuring family traditions begin but never end, and most importantly,

Saying thanks to God for the gift of Jesus.

Sally

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Update #40

The holiday season is in full swing.  I hope everyone had a special Thanksgiving filled with good times and many thanks.  Andy, Shannon, and I spent most of the day with the Lake family and enjoyed wonderful food and laughs.  We were able to stop by and see my family as well, so it made for a blessed Thanksgiving. 

The week of Thanksgiving, Andy and I also went to Shannon’s school conference.  He is doing excellent in school, and we are so proud of him.  As we were leaving, we saw something on the wall, which Shannon had made, called the “I am thankful for” tree.  The tree had many leaves of thanks, and the students were only allowed to have one acorn for their most significant item.  Shannon had things on the tree he was thankful for such as “ a fun family”, “all sports”, “our house”, “friends at school”, etc.  His acorn read, “I am thankful for a God who watches over us.”   What an incredible gift to experience our child growing not only physically and mentally, but also spiritually! 

I have been challenged a bit lately with my health.  Unfortunately, my calcium levels went high, so my doctor here consulted with Mayo to determine a plan.  The resulting plan was for me to receive five shots a couple weeks ago in an effort to control my tumors from causing the calcium to deplete from my bones into my bloodstream.  Around the same time, I began having some digestive complications, which lasted through Thanksgiving week.  The doctors are stumped for the main reason most patients receive these shots is to alleviate digestive issues, and that’s when I actually began experiencing these symptoms.  I guess it’s one more time my usual (or shall I say unusual) unique self was at work.  Reminds me of a great Gilda Radner quote I read the other day, “While we have the gift of life, it seems to me that the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die—whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our uniqueness.”

I am feeling better this week and excitedly look forward to Shannon’s birthday, which is Thursday, November 29th.  He is having a sleepover party with several friends on Friday to celebrate turning 9.  When I found out in January ’05 that I had a cancer, I promised myself that every birthday Shannon had to come would be memorable and full of love.  I wish this conviction wasn’t sparked by an illness, but making every day count and making events unforgettable became a priority.

The holidays are busy and quite honestly at time, things seem completely overwhelming.  My challenge to each of you is to reflect on what truly defines the holiday season for you personally, and please don’t miss out on those things that make a difference.  I am going to close with excerpts from a favorite of mine, Erma Bombeck, who lost her fight with cancer.  She wrote this after her diagnosis, and a friend emailed it to me a few weeks ago.  We all write our own story with how we choose to live each day God has given to us.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later.  Now go get washed up for dinner.” 

There would have been more “I love you’s”; more “I’m sorry’s.”

But mostly, given another shot in life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it… live it and never give it back.  STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Sally

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Update #39

Since November is well under way, I thought it was time to say hello again and let everyone know the latest.  Andy, Shannon, and I had a fantastic trip to Florida and really enjoyed our first time visit to Key West.  Little entrepreneur Shannon even made $10 from one of the performers at Mallory Square during the sunset celebration by joining in on the act.  Needless to say, Andy and I ended up providing a “donation” in return, but it was fun to see Shannon’s nervous red face being in front of people during the performance. 

Something also happened in Florida, which got me thinking to be careful not to apply too many self-created limits to my life.  Shannon asked me to race with him on the beach, and I repeatedly said no.  All of a sudden it hit me that no matter how much my body would ache after, the joy brought to Shannon watching his mom be “normal”, would far overshadow the pain.  Well, three races later at about 150 yards distance each, I am here to say Shannon easily won all of them, but I was rewarded with a child uplifted by a bonding experience.  Shannon seemed happy as ever on vacation, and Andy and I were able to enjoy some relaxation time. 

My conviction to the beach races reminded me of a story I read in the book my sister Linda gave me by author Kris Carr.  She too has Stage IV cancer and mentioned how after she had been diagnosed she read a billboard with David Beckham, soccer star, saying:  “Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small people who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given, than to explore the power they have to change it.  Impossible is an opinion, not a fact.  Impossible isn’t a declaration, it’s a dare.  Impossible is potential.  Impossible is temporary.  Impossible is nothing.”  The author then mentioned for her situation, she replaced the word impossible with incurable, as she didn’t like being stamped with an expiration date that just didn’t “jive” with her plans.  Wow, I agree and am going to keep running my toughest race called “life with cancer.”

Today, I go to my local doctor for a check up and blood tests.  Hopefully, my calcium level will be normal.  I have felt energetic lately, with the only concern being a lot of backaches.  The backaches may be related to the herniated disc problem discovered in the spring, so I try not to consume myself with it being due to the cancer.

Well, Shannon’s football season is over.  They won all their games, so the team went 7-0 (or according to the team, 8-0, since they beat the parents too in a game).  Now, Shannon has begun a competitive basketball league with the YMCA, so those stories will be coming soon.

My mom is doing very well.  She, like the rest of my family, misses my dad like crazy, but I am so proud of her.  She has joined the YMCA and frequently goes out with friends.  She also was a terrific football fan at Shannon’s games (but much quieter than her daughter).  My mom sets an incredible example of accepting God’s plan, and she continues to be an amazing source of strength for me.

I want to close with an email I received from a friend.  It talked about a group of students being assigned a project to identify what they believed were the “Seven Wonders of the World.”  Most votes came in for places such as Egypt’s Great Pyramids, Taj Mahal, Grand Canyon, etc.  However, the teacher noted one student struggling with the assignment, as the student mentioned she could not make up her mind for there were so many.  Looking down at her paper, the teacher noted what this student had jotted down as the “Seven Wonders of the World”:

1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Feel
5. To Laugh
6. To Love
7. Greatest of All- God’s amazing love for mankind in sending his only son Jesus to set us free and give us eternal life

On our drive to Key West, when I looked out and saw the Gulf of Mexico in one direction and the Atlantic Ocean in another, I was filled with a deep sense of wonder and amazement.  However, nothing compares to the gifts I’ve been given in #1-7 above that shapes all those experiences.  I don’t know whom that student was who struggled with her list, but she was one insightful individual.

Sally

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Update #38

Weeks go by so quickly.  The concept of making the most of every day is so important, as time just sails at an ever-increasing pace.  It is already late October, and I am happy to report that every week so far this month, I have managed to put shorts on at least once.  A record high temperature in Michigan, versus snow last year, has been a turn around mighty fine by me.

 Earlier this month, my mom, Barb, and I joined a group of friends, mostly past co-workers from Spartan, who presented us with a very special gift.  We each received a beautiful, creative scrapbook capturing updates, messages, and pictures from this web site since it’s inception.  When I again read through your messages, my eyes teared up with the joy of being loved and the inspiration provided to continue this battle.  Courage comes from within, but it also resonates from the support of family and friends.

 “Living with cancer” is tough sometimes, well ok, most of the time.  I wish that a full day would go by where it didn’t cross my mind, but my best accomplishment thus far is a few hours.  I am enjoying being back to work part time, as I feel challenged again, and it allows me to escape from the cancer focus.  A close friend sent me this saying from an unknown author, “Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up.”   Even with the ever-present knowledge I have cancer, there is a stronger “survivor” spirit inside, driving me to press on and fight to make a difference.

 Because I will be waiting four months from my last procedure before returning to Mayo, this will be my longest wait for having a CT scan test, since the diagnosis of my re-occurrence.  In the meantime, I will be monitored through my local doctor with blood tests and monthly check-up visits.  I feel comfortable with the plan.

 Shannon’s football has been so much fun.  His 8 and 9 year old Caledonia team is now 6-0, and their final game is this weekend.  After the 5th game against Rockford, the coach asked to see Andy and I after the game.  The coach excitedly informed us Shannon helped win the game, for he read the Rockford defensive moves and shared what was happening with the coach, so adjustments could then be made.  The coach said, “Shannon really gets it.”  Meanwhile, I kissed Shannon on his sweaty head and almost started crying.  A year and four months ago, I wasn’t sure I would ever see Shannon play football.  I may be the loudest, most boisterous parent as observed by most, but for me this is a dream come true.

 Andy, Shannon, and I are going to Florida at the end of this month, as Shannon has a week off school.  In my effort to experience new places, we are going to visit the Florida Keys for our first time.  Since Halloween is just around the corner, I wanted to share a message I received from a “pumpkin” friend and thank all of you for bringing me so many “treats” in life:

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff—

Including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.

Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you

To shine for all the world to see.

 Shine on my friends!

Sally

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10.2.07

Update #37

Another Mayo road trip has been completed.  I can no longer call it Mayo Summer Camp, since we have moved onto a splendid fall.  In a book about autumn, I found this poem entitled, “A Song of the Road” by Fred Bowles, about how to travel life’s journey:

 I lift my cap to Beauty, I lift my cap to Love;

I bow before my Duty, and know that God’s above!

My heart through shining arches of leaf and blossom goes;

My soul, triumphant, marches through life to life’s repose.

And I, through all this glory, nor know, nor fear my fate—

The great things are so simple, the simple are so great!

I had my 3rd hepatic artery embolization procedure on Monday morning, September 24th.  A doctor shared with Andy and I the following day that the radiologist had completed more work than originally planned, as he found more arteries were accessible to “block”.  This really is positive news in terms of attacking the cancer, but of course, the resulting recovery process is a little more difficult.  The same doctor said to me a couple days later at the hospital, “You really are good at this.”  It’s not my favorite thing to specialize in perfecting, but I took it as a compliment on the other hand.  I was also very happy to have my sister Linda come to spend several days at the hospital, so Andy could return to work.

  learned another lesson on my hospital stay.  I had a nurse named Denise who shared with me the first time I met her, she was not the fastest nurse.  At first, I found my high paced self, wanting to grab the thermometer and place it in my mouth, or ask why we were checking my wristband identification for the fifth time since I was still Sally Lake.  As the week went by though, I watched how thorough, conscientious, and caring she was as a nurse.  She even shared with me how she decided to become an oncology nurse when her husband had died early in life from lung cancer.  It finally hit me that there is beauty and learning in patience.  No one made a mark more on me on the trip than Denise.

We all know the expression; it’s a small world.  Just recently my mother found out from a friend, that a boy who had gone to Ottawa Hills Junior High School with my mother, had later become a pioneer of this hepatic artery embolization process.  Dr. Judah Folkman back at the Navy in 1961 challenged the question, “What if cancerous tumors in order to expand needed to trigger growth of new blood vessels to feed themselves, could cancer than be starved to death?”  Of course it took numerous years before the concept was brought to fruition, but how thankful we are that this brilliant man asked the question.

It is time for another football report.  Shannon’s team is currently 4-0, and although I had to sit in a chair in the bleachers (this was a new one for me), we arrived home just in time Saturday to see his game.  I may have required a special chair, but my lungs seemed to be working well, as my cheering remained loud and strong.  Shannon had his first tackle (long awaited by his parents), and they announced his name over the loud speaker.

We must have done a good job teaching Shannon due to being such a big boy for his age, not to take on a “bully” attitude, for he appears to like to stay on his feet.  Reminds me of the little girl who ran into the classroom and told the teacher:  “Two boys are fighting on the playground, and I think the one on the bottom wants to see you.”

Here’s some irony, I planned on this being a real short update message.  Let me end with a poem by Victor Hugo called, “Be Like the Bird”:

Be like the bird, who

Halting in his flight

On limb too slight

Feels it give way beneath him,

Yet sings

Knowing he hath wings.

Sally

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Update #36

 One of the many blessings in life is that each of us is truly unique.  I believe recognizing and appreciating those differences make us better equipped to live life to the fullest.  God gave me the gift of an incredible passion to influence others and use inner strength to handle whatever crosses my path.  For forty years, not a whole bunch of difficulty came with the journey, but I seem to be making up for it since that time.

 One key for staying focused on the journey, even when one feels tossed in the ditch, came in an email from a friend by an unidentified author.  It simply read, “Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid it will never begin.”   Someone told me the other day that as long as memories of my dad stay in my heart, I will never truly lose him.  How wonderful that his life began 75 years ago and by remaining strong, I am able to create memories for my family every day just like he did for us.

 Andy and I journeyed to Mayo this past week.  As we approached Rochester, MN the weather was very gloomy with all grey, cloudy sky except for a tiny patch of clear blue sky off in the distance.  As we proceeded closer, I looked around and examined the sky in every direction to find this was the only clear spot.  When we arrived, I looked up and realized the bright blue sky was directly above our destination.  I couldn’t help but tear up, for I felt it was like my dad looking down from above letting me know to be at peace.

 We received good news from the CT scan test, which showed no new cancer growth and that the 2nd hepatic artery embolization was a success in further softening or deadening the cancer cells in my liver.  Furthermore, the radiologist who performed the 2nd procedure determined there is another area in my liver, which could be attacked with a 3rd procedure.  Round 3 will take place on September 24th where I’ll again go to Mayo Clinic and stay at the Rochester Methodist Hospital.  Also, my blood tests taken locally have determined that my calcium is elevated, so more tests have been administered.  Once we have those results, I’ll gear up for whatever might be the next steps to address this situation.

 Work is going very well and offering me the necessary flexibility to continue to focus on my health.  It feels good to be contributing in strategic discussions and being a part of the team.  I’m really glad to be back.

 I guess it’s now time for a football report.  Shannon’s team won their first game, 26-6.  I am afraid that when his mom shared her gifts from God, she failed to mention the energized competitive spirit that often resembles “over the edge” character.  At the game, when being concerned about Shannon missing a tackle and the other team scoring, my mom had to remind me that the other team deserved to score some points.  I must work on keeping my overzealous attitude in check, for often at the practices, I find that when Shannon isn’t being aggressive, I want to get in there and tackle someone myself.  I know, it’s just a game; then again, it’s often just a practice. :)

 Dog lovers be sure to check out new pictures on the site of Shannon with Karla and Cory’s new dog.  The two became real pals while they watched him this past week.  He also had a wonderful time with my mom over the past weekend.

 In the same email from my friend that included the earlier quote, the message ended with some words to the wise that I am happy to close with:

Live simply.  Love generously.

Care deeply.  Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

Sally

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9.6.07

Update #35

 It felt like time to write another message and pour out my heart to all of you who have been at my side through the past year.  A couple weeks ago, on Saturday August 25th, Shannon, Andy, and I took a golf cart ride on the Camp Henry grounds.  The camp is on an adjacent lake by our cottage.  Looking at the rope course and cabins, we then came upon a memorial sign, which read:

 “Much of what is significant in life has come to us because of the unexpected, and is born out of the inconvenient.”

The next morning my mom called to let us know that my dad had passed away during the night.  I thought about how one day in July dad was scoring an 80 or 81 in golf, and the next month his incredible life had come to an end.  What we all would not give to have someone we love back?  Life in recent years has handed my family a great deal of the unexpected, but I try to focus on the many good times we have been given.  Just to name a few, our family never missed a single Christmas with us all together, we celebrate each other’s birthdays with family parties (the most recent being the day of my dad’s fall), and we have exceptional memories of our dad who showed us how to live, laugh, and love.

 Next week is my return to Mayo for tests and a doctor’s visit on results.  Andy will be going with me on the trip.  I so appreciate your continued thoughts and prayers for healing.  We are so fortunate to have my mom and Shannon’s cousins, Karla and Cory, watching Shannon while we are gone.

 Shannon’s first football game is on Saturday, and we are very excited to watch.  He would love to be holding the ball all the time, but considering he’s one of the biggest boys on the team, it looks like he will make a solid tackle on the line.  The first time he put on his gear, I asked him to try to put a hit on me.  I am here to report that request will not be repeated (ouch did that hurt as he may only be eight but he’s strong as an ox).

 I am back to work part-time at Fairly Painless Advertising.  I expected in coming back to have to unload boxes upon my return.  I was pleasantly surprised when I found some of my co-workers had set up my new office, including my many pictures, and made a signed welcome back card.  Wherever life’s path has taken me, I have been fortunate to be surrounded by such caring individuals.

 A couple weeks ago, Shannon received a gift of a small Bible companion book from Linda and Duane, who are a couple who have watched him since he was six weeks old, taken him on vacations, and treated him as family.  On the way home from school the other day, Shannon had it with him and asked if he could read something to me.  He shared all the topics in the book, and then he asked me which page I wanted him to read.  I told him I knew just which page would help us through the difficult time we faced, and he turned to the page called COURAGE.  He then began to read the following passages:    

Do not fear nor be afraid of them;

for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you.

He will not leave you, nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

 

Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart,

all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 31:24

 

Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Sally

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Update #34

Sometimes I sit and try to remember what it was like to view the world from a child’s eyes.  A couple weeks ago, Andy, Shannon, and I were in the car, and Shannon said something out of the blue.  He said, “Boy, this sure has been a good summer.  I improved at baseball, went to Traverse City, had fun at the cottage” and so on.  While Andy and I gazed at each other in surprise, Shannon said, “Well, except for Grandpa being in the hospital and you having cancer, mom.”  Perhaps this is the fulfillment of the expression “living with cancer” and learning to accept difficult experiences, as from his perspective, things were going quite well.  As shocked as I was, it felt so incredibly good to know he felt happy inside.

 Last week, Shannon was able to be a part of another exciting event.  Thanks to his Uncle Greg’s generosity at a silent auction, Shannon was able to throw the first pitch at the Grand Rapids Whitecaps baseball game.  He did an excellent job getting it across the plate from the mound, and he managed to get Tom Brookens’ autograph (the Whitecaps manager and former Tigers 3rd baseman) on the ball he pitched. 

 My next trip to Mayo has been scheduled.  I will be going September 10th and 11th to have blood tests, a chest x-ray, CT scan test, and doctors appointment.  It will be good to keep updated on the status of my cancer and know the results of the second hepatic artery embolization.  At this point, my oncologist and radiologists believe a lot of work has been completed in my liver, and it may be another 3 months before I need to consider further procedures.  Therefore, I’ve decided to go back to work part-time.  I am really looking forward to returning.

 It is hard for me to share that my father is not doing very well.  At the time of this note, he has been in a coma for over three weeks, and his condition is deteriorating.  Please continue to pray that he is at peace and the Lord will hold him tight.  Also, even though my mother is a model of strength, please keep her in your thoughts.  My parents have been married for 55 years, and this is such a difficult time for her. 

 My mom brought the cards to the hospital, which they had received.  I found a poem called “Blessings in Disguise” by Emily Matthews in one of the cards I wanted to share.  It reminded me that we are never alone and when something seems so sad or tragic, life brings us gifts, even if we have to find them through tear filled eyes. 

The world is full of miracles to those who recognize them,

But we have to look the right way since God sometimes will disguise them.

He shines His light in places where we’d least expect Him to,

And often does the opposite of what we think He’ll do…

 

 He has a way of bringing out the best within the worst,

The moment we stop worrying and choose to put Him first.

And if we do, He’ll pull us through and help us find the door,

That opens to the very thing that we’d been looking for.

Sally

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 8.3.07

Update #33

I just finished taking a walk in our neighborhood, breathing in the fresh air, watching the birds, and enjoying the sun beaming down.  There is a new favorite part of my usual walk though; there is a simple sign in one of the neighbor’s front yard that reads “Believe.”  Each time I walk by their house, I gaze at the lawn decoration and feel a sense of peace.

 Last week, a friend of our family, from my mom and dad’s church stopped by with a gift from the church, a prayer shawl.  When I put the shawl around me while she read the healing prayer, which accompanied the gift, I felt incredible warmth.  I do not have any word yet as to the results of the second hepatic artery procedure or next steps, but my recovery has been much better this time.

Also, my sister, Candy, has gone home from the hospital and is recovering quite well.  She will need a little time to get back on her feet again, but she is doing much better.  Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

 Shannon starts school next week already.  He is really excited for he is going to have the teacher he hoped for and his close friends are in his class.  Shannon had his last baseball game this week, and a friend took several awesome photos of him, so we can have fun memories of his baseball season.  He ended his last game with making a double play and hitting two home runs.  Andy and I are so proud of him (as if you could not tell).

 It took me awhile to have the courage to write this message, for I have been moved to a new level of emotion this week.  Last Saturday we had a wonderful party with my family at our cottage.  We had laughter and love abound.  Well, Saturday night after returning home, my father accidentally fell back from six stairs up carrying some plates.  My mom acted quickly to get him to the hospital.  He suffered internal bleeding of the brain, and they had to do immediate surgery.  My dad has been in a coma ever since.  My mom is super strong and our whole family has been taking turns being with them at the hospital in support.  My dad is not yet “out of the woods”, and we do not know about brain activity yet.  What I do know is that he has a strong will to live and that he taught me everything I know about being a fighter. 

 For those of you who don’t know, my dad’s name is Don and my mom’s name is Barb.  If you could say prayers for his recovery and for continued strength for my mom, I would appreciate it.  I am thankful that I am healthy enough right now to be there for them.  I told someone the other day, “God must think my family can handle a lot.”

 A wonderful Christian woman named Maureen who lives in Florida sent me a piece that I will end my message with to assure all of you that I continue to feel blessed, have trust, and believe in miracles.  This last week has been so difficult, but I remember giving my dad a hug Saturday when he left the party and saying, “I love you.”  Life is so fragile yet full of love.

Sally

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Update #32

It is hard to believe this web site has been in place a year now, and here we are on update number 32.  The power of communication is so strong, but words could not adequately express how much this site has uplifted me.  A journey taken with family and friends, holding you up each step of the way, makes following the Lord’s path much easier.

 Andy, Shannon, and I had an excellent Fourth of July week shared with many.  We enjoyed awesome food (none of which I was elected to create :) ) and nice weather at the cottage.  I also received two special gifts that week.  One from a 12 year old boy named Mason who is a friend of the family; he wanted me to have his special rabbit’s foot for good luck.  Mason had that rabbit’s foot for over 3 years and on the drive up to visit us, he told his dad, “I want to give this to Sally, as she needs it more.”

 The other gift was a beautiful hand made cancer rosary received from a couple visiting the cottage next to us.  It’s an interesting story, as the wife, Colleen, looked in her purse on the drive from Texas and thought, hmmm, why do I have this rosary in my purse?  When they arrived at our neighbor’s cottage, the story of my health challenge was shared with them.  She said at once it became clear why the rosary had traveled from Texas on the trip with her.  God works in mysterious ways!  Both gifts accompanied us to Mayo.

 We have returned from Rochester, Minnesota, and I am working to recuperate from the second hepatic artery embolization procedure.  I am excited to share with all of you, the ct scan at Mayo Clinic showed “softening or signs of deadening” of some of the cancer cells as a result of the first procedure.  The tears of joy felt good.  Please continue to pray the second procedure will also have produced positive results.  In a few weeks, I will reach out to my doctor at Mayo to discuss the next steps.

Shannon was in good hands as Karla and Cory watched (i.e. spoiled) him.  Cory and his brother took him to get football equipment, so soon we’ll have mom’s updates on the NFL (well, not quite, just the Caledonia youth program).  I was in good hands as well, with Andy staying the first part of the week at the hospital, and then my parents were by my side for the later part of the week and to drive me home.  I missed Shannon’s baseball game, but must share that he hit a cycle.  For those of you who aren’t familiar, this means in the game he batted a single, double, triple, and home run (in this case apparently a grand slam).  Later in July, Shannon is heading to Traverse City again with Linda and Duane, family friends and day care providers, so new pictures are likely to show up on the site as evidence of some fun times.  Andy and I are glad he is enjoying the summer.

I am reaching out with a new request.  Please keep my sister, Candy, in your thoughts and prayers. While I was in the hospital in Minnesota, she was admitted to a local hospital here in Grand Rapids for some serious medical challenges.  While we wait for additional information, please pray the doctors will continue to provide her the necessary medical support, she will find strength, and her husband, Tom, will be in God’s hands as well.

Last night we were watching the ESPY sports awards program on television.  One of the award recipients was Kay Yow, Coach of North Carolina State women’s basketball team, who won the first “Jimmy V” award and is in a fierce cancer fight.  They showed an earlier interview from back when she originally learned she had cancer, where she shared, she felt like she had 0% control over getting cancer, but 100% control on how she could deal with the cancer.  I thought to myself, yes, I totally agree, but it was her next quote that really resonated;  “When life kicks you, let it kick you forward.”  Right on, indeed!

Sally

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Sally

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Update #30

I know that it took me way too long to get this update on the site.  Let’s just say, I’ve been a little under the weather lately.  Did you see Shannon’s photos on the site having a little fish adventure?  I found a short poem written by Mary Carolyn Davies called “The Fishing Pole” which reads, “A fishing pole’s a curious thing; It’s made of just a stick and string; A boy at one end and a wish, And on the other end a fish.”  While this poem may be dated based on the simplistic description of the pole, Andy and I are so pleased that simple times like fishing can bring some small wishes true for Shannon.

Let’s walk back through the last couple weeks to bring you all up to speed.  Andy and I arrived at Mayo for a consultation on the procedure on Monday May 21st.  I was then admitted to Rochester Methodist Hospital the following morning, May 22nd for the hepatic artery embolization.  Well we all know of how some things sound really complicated from their descriptions, but then when you learn more, it’s really not that intense.  This procedure did not fall into that exception category, as it sort of lived up to its name.  Seriously, I am doing pretty well but did need to stay in the hospital for 5 days, and arrived home late Sunday night.  My liver responded rapidly with elevated tests to suggest the needed damage was being done to the liver, and then by the end of week, tests were starting to go back to what they defined as normal.  In six weeks, I return to Mayo, have a ct scan test and likely a repeat of the same procedure (Do you remember the part I mentioned about this living up to it’s name?  It could take 2-4 times.)

Andy was there for the procedure, then my sister Linda stayed with me for the middle of the week until he could return.  Shannon was in good hands with his two sets of grandparents, and he experienced a weekend on a houseboat where his Uncle Tobi and Aunt Jo took great care of him.  Since coming back home, my mom and dad have been over every day to help in my recovery process.  The nurses were very good, but they had nothing on my family for knowing how to take awesome care of their patient. 

I hope everyone was able to enjoy the Memorial Holiday weekend.  We are so blessed to have so many brave men and women care enough for us to volunteer to defend our country.  Please pray for them and others who may face danger or challenge.  Also, each of us likely have memories of loved one’s who have passed that created a spark just by being true.  We honor them by holding close those who we still have in our lives and letting them know how much they mean to us all the time.

A few weeks ago, before I knew of my “summer camp” program named “h.a.e.” held at Mayo, I had mentioned that this was going to be my year for golf.  Amazing, how I can go a year without swinging a club, but still seem to know how to talk a mean game.  Until I truly can get out there and swing a club, I decided to end today’s message with a golf poem written by an anonymous source called “The One Best Tip.”

Here is the science and sum of it all—

  Keep your eye on the ball!

Through fair green or hazard or grass that is tall—

  Keep your eye on the ball!

No matter the distance, how short or how far,

No matter your game, be you duffer or star,

There is only one way you can hole out in par—

  Keep your eye on the ball!

 

Over the course comes the clarion call—

  Keep your eye on the ball!

One little turn and you’re in for a fall—

  Keep your eye on the ball!

Whether it’s golf or the game we call Life,

Down the Long Course where the tumult is rife,

Over the hazards and bunkers of strife—

  Keep your eye on the ball!

Sally

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 5.20.07

Update #29

A couple weeks ago at church, the priest shared a survey taken with adults.  The research asked how many people they would call friends, and the average response was two.  Andy leaned over and said, “Sal, you must be making up for everybody else.”  I felt so blessed when I thought, wow, I consider hundreds of people friends.

 

Speaking of friends, last week I opened an email from one of my best friends, and it was a Jonathan Winters quote expressing “If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it!”  I wrote it down and had an inkling that it may be needed down the road.  Well, Andy and I have returned from our important trip to Mayo Clinic, and unfortunately, we received some challenging news.  My scan results showed the larger cancerous tumors in my liver continued to grow in size; hence, I no longer will remain on the clinical trial and must “swim” some more laps than planned.

 

The oncologist at Mayo spent over an hour to make sure he measured the tumors himself, and also to share with us the news and recommended next step.  He even called my local doctor before meeting with us, so they could consult on options and reach consensus on the best recommendation.  I have been surrounded by good people my entire life, and these medical professionals are no exception.

 

I am going to be immediately returning to Mayo, actually the Rochester Methodist Hospital attached to Mayo in Rochester, MN, for a procedure called a hepatic artery embolization, which will be done on May 22nd.  I will need to stay at the hospital for 4-7 days for recovery.  He said it will be very painful, but the goal is to reduce the blood flow to hepatic artery that feeds most liver cancer cells.  I will have to go back again in six weeks to have the procedure done again, as they will only be able to do a partial blockage the first time.  Isn’t there a saying, “no pain, no gain”???

On the ride back home, I was looking in my purse, and a fortune I had received months back at a Chinese restaurant fell out.  It read, “Treasure what you have.”  Good advice for all of us.  I’ve experienced a few new “treasures” lately.  One is that for the first time in 42 years, I have naturally curly hair growing, something that happens to some individuals after chemotherapy.  Sure shocked my friend who has been my hairdresser for 25 years.  Also, we watched Shannon make an unassisted triple play in baseball; now that was awesome! J Another first since living at our current house, thanks to the help of my sister, Linda, and her husband, Jerry, we now have flowers planted.

 

A book I have says On the Wisdom of Women:  “A woman hears the melody of flowers in the wind.  She sees the beauty of the Unseen.  She feels the tugs and pulls and urges of life.  She knows when it is time to run, and time to rest; time to laugh and time to cry; time to hold on and time to let go.”  I am not planning on drowning in sorrow, nor am I ready to let go.  It is hard for a control freak like me to have something in my body that keeps disappointing all of us, but I know God is always with me, and so are all of you.

 

I’ll close with something I found in a book called Serenity given to me by yet another friend, written by Frances Ridley Havergal: 

“As thy day thy strength shall be.”

This should be enough for thee;

He who knows thy frame will spare

Burdens more than thou canst bear.

 

When thy days are veiled in night,

Christ shall give thee heavenly light;

Seem they wearisome and long,

Yet in him thou shalt be strong.

Sally

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Update #28

The other day was beautiful and sunny, so I decided to sit outside on the deck.  I began thinking about how lucky I am to have so many friends and family bringing my needs to God in prayer from so many different places.  Prayers are being sent in Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, New York, California, Florida, Arizona, Vermont, South Carolina, New Jersey, Ohio, Kentucky, Texas, Indiana, and even a couple international spots.  I’m sure there are more states I’ve missed too, but needless to say, it just brought a huge grin to my face thinking about all of you caring so much.

My mother accompanied me to Mayo Clinic for my monthly doctor’s appointment in late April.  We were able to take Angel flights, and we enjoyed each other’s company.  My blood test results continued to be fine, and all looked well on the physical exam.  The doctor did suggest I see a neurologist for my right leg pain, which has continued now for several months.  I did see a neurologist in town and will be having a MRI of my lumbar spine on Friday to determine if there is any pinched nerve or other issue.  My next Mayo trip is very important, as I will be having a CT scan test on May 17th to learn how the cancer has responded to the pill based treatment.

 

Last Sunday was a day to mark in the memory book, Shannon’s first communion.  He looked so handsome (pictures coming soon), and we had a party at our house after the mass.  Our friend, Ellen, organized the food and helped out in a big way; Andy and I so appreciated her incredible support.  The night before, Shannon said to me what if I am carrying the wine up front and drop it.  I said, “We’ll still love ya.”  When the first communicants went to bring up the gifts, I couldn’t help but smile when I saw Shannon carrying the wine.  Fortunately, the wine made it to the altar safely.  After the party, Andy asked Shannon if he understood the significance of taking his first holy communion.  Shannon simply replied, “Yes, it means God is in my body.”  This was one more celebration of life indeed.

The other day I was watching a story about Jackie Robinson, the first African American to play baseball, where he shared that he never cared too much about acceptance, he only wanted respect.  Then a friend sent me a quote by Charles Lindbergh, “Success is not measured by what a man accomplishes, but by the opposition he has encountered, and the courage with which he has maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.”  I imagine Jackie Robinson sure understood that quote.

 

Speaking of baseball, Shannon’s first game is this Thursday.  He is very excited to start, and I sure hope his mother will be a nice, calm fan from the bleachers (she’ll try :) ).  Baseball reminds us that summer soon will be approaching.  Every spring for years, I have set out to do certain “things” in the summer, which make me happy.  Often at the end of summer, the list of “should haves” is way too long.  My challenge to each of you is that despite how busy your schedules may feel or what part of the country you may reside, take time to do some of those unforgettable, enjoyable summer “things” that make you happy.  Happiness is a gift.

 

Sally

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 4.16.07

Update #27

Shannon and I have now returned from Florida.  We had an incredible experience, and the weather was just as the doctor ordered, warm and sunny.  My parents were terrific hosts, and it was great to spend quality family time.  Some new pictures for the web site will hopefully be available soon.  I understand it was pretty crazy weather back in Michigan while we’re gone, with snow falling practically every day.

 

We received another set of meal deliveries from a group of friends from Spartan Stores and beyond, which we so appreciate.  The meals are terrific, and it’s one more way to alleviate stress in our lives, as hanging out in the kitchen and cooking is about as stressful as it gets for me, not to mention those who have to partake in the results.

This week I will be returning to Mayo for a follow up visit.  My mother is planning on going with me, and we are hoping to travel via Angel Flights.  At this point, we have a return flight only, but given a bit of good luck, someone may still volunteer to fly us to Rochester, Minnesota.  The key is that I need to get home in time to celebrate Andy’s 40th birthday on April 21st.  After all, I’ve been waiting for him to leave the illustrious 30 something stage and join me in the older but wiser 40’s generation (ok, more like it will sound better when giving our age, and maybe I won’t feel so much older). :)

 

My niece, Karla, emailed me a quote by Albert Einstein that read, “There are two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.”  This week will mark 10 months since my cancer returned.  Sometimes I shed a tear, and once in awhile I cry profusely, but the vast majority of time, I celebrate the life I have been given.  While in Florida at my parents’ church, the pastor shared in his message, “Eternal Life is Now.  Be Alive for God.”  The cancer is tough, but there is so much joy in experiencing special moments, which I frankly wasn’t sure I would ever see.

 

This morning at breakfast in going through the mail, I came across a poem in the Daily Word, which was a gift out of town friends sent us.  The poem written by Rev. Thomas Shepherd was one more mysterious gift that I wanted to pass on:

Things Take Time

 

No matter if the path I tread

Takes straight or winding ways,

Still something beckons me ahead

And brightens all my days;

Through pastures green or

sun-dried weeds

Life’s goodness beckons me

To take whatever time I need-

To love and laugh will be my creed,

To sing and dance and plant some seeds,

I have eternity.

Sally

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3.29.07

Update #26

Spring is here and in the air; isn’t that great?  Of course in Michigan, we have the temperature swings from 70’s to 40’s in a day’s time, but I so enjoy seeing green grass and the flowers sprout up with beautiful colors.

 

Last week, I went to Mayo for a follow up appointment with my friend, Charlene.  On our road trip we shared in oodles of conversation and enjoyed many laughs.  Listening to a comedian on the radio, we heard a wonderful piece of advice.  In an effort to stay on the road while driving, I asked Charlene to jot the advice down, for it was too good not to pass along.  The comedian said, “Love hard.  Forgive harder.  Try to get as happy as you can as fast as you can.”

 

The Mayo visit had its ups and downs.  The good news is that my blood test results were fantastic, and my doctor said I looked beautiful (after we left, I told Charlene that I’d rather he said I was healed, but the compliment did make me blush).  The doctor also noted that fatigue must not be a side effect of the medicine, for “I talked up a storm” as he described.  :)

 

I also inquired about a radiologist report, which reviewed my pet scan from January.  The report indicated a possibility the cancer may now have spread to my pelvis bone, but is not definitive and did not show in the February CT scan.  The doctor reminded me the pill treatment is designed to attack the cancer wherever it is in my body, so I will forge ahead with continued confidence.  I so appreciate your continued prayers to ask God to keep my cancer from spreading further and for the miracle of healing.

 

Shannon and I are heading to Florida next week for a visit with my parents.  Unfortunately, Andy is not going to be able to join us.  What will he do with all that peace and quiet (probably take in some much needed relaxation time)?  Also, going on the trip for part of the time will be two of my sisters, my brother in law and my niece.  We are going to have a blast!

 

I tell many it is important to look at life as a series of chapters, sort of like a book.  Each chapter has a purpose and is a part of a larger plan.  Over two years ago, when I had my surgery and was diagnosed with cancer, a special friend of mine gave me a book called “She…” written by Kobi Yamada.  I’m going to end this update by matching up some quotes from this book to describe my life’s chapters:

Chapter 1- Childhood:  “She turned her cant’s into cans, and her dreams into plans.”

 

Chapter 2- Young Adult:  “She ran ahead where there were no paths.”

 

Chapter 3- Married w/Child:  “She loved life and it loved her right back.”

 

Chapter 4- After Initial Cancer Diagnosis:  “She held her head high and looked the world straight in the eye.”

 

Chapter 5- Remission:  “She decided to enjoy more and endure less.”

 

Chapter 6- Cancer Returns:  “She went out on a limb, had it break off behind her, and discovered she could fly.”

 

Chapter 7 and Beyond- To be continued

Oh, by the way, the title is “She remained true to herself.”

 

Sally

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Update #25

 

I never imagined the depth of joy this web site would bring.  This communication vehicle is so much more than a “tool”, as it keeps me connected with friends and family in a special way.  Last week we reached a milestone with over 10,000 visits to the site.  I wish words could express how touched I am by simply knowing each of you cares deeply.

 

I had another trip to Mayo Clinic.  I drove to Chicago to meet my sister, Linda, and then we traveled together via her car to Rochester, Minnesota.  It was really nice to have her along, as it’s amazing how much faster a long car ride goes with someone to share in conversation.  The side effects from the medicine have been minimal so far, and the doctor was very pleased with the results of my blood tests.  On six key measures evaluated, my blood came back normal on all six.  My next appointment at Mayo is scheduled for March 21st.

 

Andy and I received Shannon’s latest report card from school.  He is doing exceptionally well, and the teacher says he is very outgoing (hmm, that’s a surprise :-) ).  We are very proud of his strength in handling my health challenges.  Last Sunday the priest stated,  “God’s will is not what he does to us, it is what he expects from us.”  I feel God is likely pleased with how our family is dealing with the cancer.

 

Shannon had his last basketball lesson of the season.  Mom has to brag, as in the 5 on 5 game, he scored 18 points and had well over 10 rebounds and assists.  He loves basketball and is very anxious for a spring warm up, so he can get his outdoor hoop back in action.  The next sport on the Shan-Man’s horizon is baseball; he’s signed up and ready to get started (after the snow melts of course).

 

Our family recently received a card from a friend, and the words came off the page with such incredible meaning.  It said “God’s love shines through in our strength and attitude during difficult times, and our grace and humility in good times.”  One thing I know for sure is that good or bad times, learning to appreciate life’s simple pleasures is a gift. 

 

One of my favorite things to do is go to the coffee shop, spend $2.70 on a skinny café latte, relax, and check my messages on the computer.  It took me over 40 years to experience this simple pleasure, so I encourage all of you to find what you love and seize the moment now.  I also enjoy the opportunity to socialize (another real surprise :).  Fortunately, it didn’t take me over 40 years to figure that one out, and this site keeps the social spirit blazing.  Let’s celebrate those 10,000 visits!  Take care. 

Sally

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Update #24

I bet you were all thinking, "long time no update" with the sabbatical I took from putting out another message. Well, I'm back and appear to be my usual talkative self. Andy and I wish to thank all of you for your continued messages, thoughts, prayers, and constant gifts of inspiration.

Our family trip to California with Karla and Cory went absolutely fabulous. We had an incredible panoramic view of San Diego from our hotel suite that was arranged through a thoughtful relative, and all of us enjoyed the sites the town had to offer. Another real highlight of our trip arranged by a good friend was a tour of the "Deal or No Deal" studio in LA. Our friend's brother, who is one of the show's producers, gave us a behind the scene look at the studio, and each of us received a Howie Mandel autographed "good deal" picture. As the day ended, the producer said I would make a good contestant with my energy level and ability to engage people (commonly known according to Andy as the gift to gab). We wrapped up the relaxing week in sunny Desert Palms.

This week Andy and I went to Rochester Minnesota to the Mayo Clinic. We were able to go via small private planes flown by volunteer pilots in a program called Angel Flights. This saved us much time versus traveling by car, and God gave us perfect weather conditions. Karla and Cory watched Shannon, which was really nice of them, and he loved getting spoiled. I have some good news. I qualified for the clinical trial, and as of yesterday (February 21st), I am on the pill based treatment plan. Also, I was given a ct scan test at Mayo, and the results were the same as mid January, which was very exciting considering I hadn't been doing chemotherapy. The only concern is my pulse was running high, but who knows, between the "red baron" small plane experience, the nerves of trying to get on the clinical trial, and my usual hyperactive style, that might have been expected.  :)

Before I left for California, a group of friends called the "birthday club" gave me a Sunshine basket. It's full of wrapped gifts and I am to open one gift each day that I need a little sunshine… designed to give me a daily smile. It's been a good couple weeks, so I haven't needed to open any gifts yet (although Shannon says we are opening one tonight when he gets home), but the basket makes me smile each day, when I think of all the good times shared years ago with the "birthday club."

When I was in San Diego, I bought a quote book called "The Celebrate Your Life" book, as it just seemed like a must have. A quote by Abraham Lincoln really caught my eye, as it read, "And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." The other lighter quote by Frank Bering made me think about sharing in fun filled experiences with friends and family crossing multiple generations "Live your life and forget your age." For me, by focusing on the width of life, knowing the length of my life is in God's hands, I live each day a happier person.

Sally

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Update #23

I’m sitting at the kitchen table looking out at the large snowflakes falling and thinking how this may be the first time since being a child that I appreciated winter. Since the re-occurrence of the cancer, my focus has been on short-term goals. I’m glad to be here welcoming in the month of February.

Andy, Shannon, and I have a trip planned in February to California with my niece and her husband, Karla and Cory. This anticipated vacation of course is helping me also look forward to escape the cold winter weather. All of us are very excited to “make memories” and experience new places.  :)

The strangest thing happened while I was writing this message. A special friend of mine gave me a music cd called “What a Wonderful Day” by Tricia Walker. As I was typing, it popped out (must have hit a key or something); I put the cd back in and it played the song. The just of the song is the verse “I’m alive, I’m alive, what a wonderful day!” God works in mysterious ways.

The Mayo Clinic contacted me about the clinical study, and we have conversed with my local doctor this past Wednesday. Andy and I will be heading to Mayo later this month where I will have some baseline tests and confirm my involvement in the study. If all goes well, I’ll be beginning this new pill based treatment immediately following the visit.

I was at first quite scared about the chemotherapy ending, as the treatment had become a comfort zone for me, and it is inconclusive as to the effectiveness. Those who know me well realize, “Sally always needs a plan.” Once the Mayo appointment got confirmed, I had a good feeling. I found a quote by Alexander Graham Bell that describes how important it is to move on and tackle this next step: “We so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones that open for us.” A new door has opened, and I’m running through in hope of a miracle.

The other day, Shannon had a Jones soda and a saying was under the cap. It read, “Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.” Who would guess drinking a soda would foster such good advice? Everyone experiences bumps in the road. Some of them are small speed bumps and others feel like mountains. Either way, we have the power to make our own choice on how to deal with these challenges. If all else fails, remember it takes more muscles to frown than smile :).
Sally

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Update #22

The Lake family has been keeping busy these past couple weeks. We had such a memorable time at the Detroit Pistons game on the 13th. Thanks to a kind gentleman associated with the Pistons, we were able to enjoy floor seats (right under the basket) and even tour the locker room. Shannon was able to slap hands with all his favorite players, and he and his cousin were on cloud nine (as were mom and dad).  :-)

Keeping with our sports celebration, a couple we know invited us to the Whitecaps banquet, where we were able to meet Detroit Tigers’ players and coach. The highlight was a picture that the Grand Rapids Press took of Shannon getting hugged by Jim Leland (which is on the photo section of the site) that made the front page of the sports section on January 18th.

At the banquet, Jim Leland spoke and said something that really hit home. He said baseball managers these days were looking more now for “a little less player, and a little more person.” I thought about that for a few days, and then something Shannon said made it sink in deeper. We were working on his homework reading, and I told him he needed to do better if he wanted to be the best. He currently is first in class on a math competition and has never missed a spelling word the entire school year. Shannon looked me the straight in the eyes and said “Mom, I don’t have to be the best at everything.” As competitive as Andy and I both are in life, I realized it would be far more important to assure Shannon is a “little more person” than the best player at everything.

Andy and I went to the doctor today, January 24th, to receive my PET scan results. Unfortunately, the results were a little worse than July’s pet scan, with a slight increase in the number of lesions inside my liver. The good news is that there is no increase in growth activity outside my liver, and hence it has not spread to any new areas. The doctor has determined that it is time to look at alternative options to my current chemotherapy plan. He is going to consult with Mayo Clinic, and it is likely that I will need to travel to Mayo soon and discuss the possibility of my involvement in a clinical trial. My next appointment is set for January 31st with my local doctor to keep things moving. Thank you for all of your thoughts, messages, and prayers.

The other day I asked Shannon why he hasn’t wanted to go sledding with all the fresh snow. He told me that it made him sad to go, as it was something that he and his mom always did together. Well, this past weekend, he and I went sledding together at the cottage. Yes, it was hard for me to get in and out of the sled, but all the pain was worth the gain of seeing the smile on his face.

It looks like I’m back to being long winded, what can I say? I received a book called ‘Treasured Thoughts for All Seasons” from a friend last week. When I read the following poem, I knew why I have to keep handling tough news with an eye on the present focusing on all the gifts life brings us each day (like sledding with my son). Lydia Avery Coonley Ward calls the poem “To-day”:

Sally

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Update #21

Upon review of my last update, I realized one thing that continues strong is that I am not short on words. I will try to keep this note a bit more concise (key word = try). :)  It is my wish that everyone is enjoying 2007 so far. I continue to be blessed by so many people expressing their love to me each and every day.

I had another chemotherapy treatment yesterday, January 8. The current hair status report is that 70% of my hair is gone. Every day is a “bad hair day” basically, but the good news is that it takes me a lot less time and a lot less hair rollers each morning. Also, it’s kind of funny; everyone else’s hair looks absolutely fabulous to me.

Andy, Shannon, and I had a terrific time in Chicago visiting my sister and brother in law, Linda and Jerry. Shannon went ice skating (he was rough at first but eventually made it 5 times around the rink without falling) and to see the Planetarium. They were great hosts, and it was fun celebrating New Year’s Eve together. Shannon asked if we could go to the store to get grapes, 12 of which you eat right at the stroke of midnight. This was a Hispanic tradition he learned in school, which we experienced for our first time.

We are very excited to be going to a Pistons game versus the Boston Celtics this weekend. Shannon keeps checking the ESPN reports to find out the latest NBA stats on the entire league. His passion for sports is incredible for an eight year old, which of course Andy and I just love.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go for a PET scan test on January 16th. This is the most detailed form of scan to see the cancer presence, and we then will compare this to my last PET scan from July 11th. We will meet with the doctor on January 24th to learn the results and discuss next course of action.

I leave you all for now with a couple quotes giving me inspiration to stay strong. The first shared with me by a friend is one by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” The last one comes from a book with author unknown, and I recall it being in a past message I received, “Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles- it empties today of its strength.”

Sally

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Update #20

I felt the urge to put out a new update today. It is so hard to believe this will be my 20th message. We had an absolutely wonderful Christmas. I was a little tired on Christmas Eve day, so Andy helped by cleaning the house in time for my family to come over for our annual Christmas Eve celebration. We shared in a lot of laughs and food (thanks to what everyone brought through my sister Candy’s organization). I believe we’ll have a few new photos for the web site coming soon.

On Christmas Eve Shannon gave us an incredible gift to remember. He said a profound bedtime prayer, which put Andy and I in awe. He told God the best Christmas gift he could ever receive would be having his mom’s good health return, but that he knew it was God’s decision. He also thanked God for bringing Jesus into this world 2006 years ago. He said more also, but I would not do it justice.

We spent a special Christmas day at Andy’s parents’ home. Now I hope everyone is sitting down for the rest of this paragraph. Although Angie (Andy’s sister) came in a very, very close second, I won the family rice cook-off competition. I prepared a recipe that my Grandma Dort gave me before she passed away called “Don’t Peek Chicken.” Now I may have received a sympathy vote or two, but both Angie and I were most excited with the voting results. Perhaps there is hope for me in the kitchen yet.

During the holidays, I have thought about something that has made my life so rewarding. Simply put, it is a motto to “surround yourself with good people.” I am so fortunate to have family, friends, and co-workers who are the kindest, best, most giving people. I’ve learned to ask for help, but most of the time, everyone has already offered. A strong network of “good people” has given me the ability to grab hold of life and fear death less.

We soon are going to be visiting my sister Linda and her husband Jerry in Chicago. Shannon is very excited to see the city decorated for the holidays and go ice-skating there. I wish all of you a very Happy New Year. At our church, Holy Family, we used to say the following prayer at the end of each mass. We now have a new prayer for the upcoming year, but I loved the “old” prayer so much, I just had to share.

Dear Lord,
You give so much but ask so little.
When I ask, You listen.
When I need, You give.
You’re always there, just for me.

Help me Lord,
to be there just for You.
Let me listen when You call.
When You need, make me ready to give.
When You whisper, “Come Follow Me”,
let me hear my name. Amen.

Sally

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Update #19

I hope this message finds all of you enjoying the holiday season. It feels so different for me to have time to wander around stores shopping for Christmas gifts, chatting with other shoppers, totally oblivious to the time. Normally, I am moving at the speed of a tornado trying to accomplish getting in and out of the store like there is a stopwatch keeping time at a competitive race. I actually have gone back to one store six times due to my lack of organization and possibly “chemo brain.” Slowing down brings me a smile and chuckle.

I have learned the results of my echocardiogram and CT scan test. First, the news on my heart was terrific, as my heart is functioning normally and does not look thus far to have been impacted by the chemotherapy. The doctor did say it was the “smallest, coldest heart he had ever seen”, but I know him, and he was just joking. I was sure glad the results allowed us to be in a joking mood.

With regards to the December 8 CT scan test, the scans showed the cancer has remained virtually the same as the last scan conducted on October 20th. Yes, we all would rather have heard the cancer was shrinking, but the good news is that it didn’t spread further. My doctor decided we would continue on the same chemotherapy plan, except Andy and I asked about possibility of increasing the dose since my body is handling things so well. I am having chemotherapy every day this week (week of December 18th), and the dose on one of the medicines is increased.

A long time friend who I hadn’t seen in awhile gave me a book of “100 Small Comforts.” There were two quotes which sort of sum up how I feel about this cancer fight. The first one is from poet TS Eliot, “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” The other was from speechwriter Ben Stein, “The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated; it is finished when it surrenders.” Hopefully, I’ll still feel good for Christmas, but my thought is let’s go after this cancer with everything I’ve got for as long as it takes. December 20th marks my six-month anniversary since the re-occurrence of the cancer.

Shannon came home last Monday with a letter he has been working on for a few weeks secretly at the before and after school day care program. It was a heartfelt explanation about how he feels about his mom having cancer. While I know it is so painful for him, I am so thankful of his deep understanding of the situation and his sensitive soul. He wrote every word in a different color marker and also put twenty cents in with the letter. He, asked me to keep the two dimes forever, which of course will stay with me always as will the tear filled memory.

I wish each of you Happy Holidays. Christmas is a special time for many of us, and having this “sense of peace” I discussed in my last message has been so terrific. There will be many gifts by the Lake’s family tree this year, but the most special gift will be God has blessed me with the opportunity to share in this splendid time with family and friends. Every day is a gift!

Sally

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Update #18

Isn’t the holiday season wonderful? Well, that is with an exception of the cold, snowy weather. For advent season our church is focusing on the “promise of peace”: peace within our self, peace within our family, peace within our nation, and peace within the world. I haven’t always been one to slow down and enjoy Christmas with a sense of peace, so my goal is to make sure this theme rings true this year.

Shannon’s sleepover birthday party went terrific. Andy and I were so thankful to have the help of his parents and my niece, Karla. At one point when the 9 boys were playing and screaming downstairs, I said to Karla, it seems more like 90 boys are down there. The joy in Shannon’s eyes made my day, actually, it made my year.

We also received another meal delivery from a group of friends. These prepared meals are such a blessing for us, as it allows us to have dinner at home so easy. I’m not sure how, but I sure have managed to keep cooking at a distance for a lot of years (ok, let’s say forever). However, I am going to actually enter the next family “rice dish” cook-off at the Lake’s Christmas celebration. Stay tuned for an update.

On Friday (12/8), I am going to have another CT scan test and also an echocardiogram test. The scan test will give us an update on the cancer, and the other test will check my heart, as one of the chemo medicines has potential to cause heart damage. I am not sure how the results will come out and ask for your continued thoughts and prayers.

I had two experiences though better preparing me for handling any news. One inspiration was talking to a friend the other day. He shared a message his wife had heard. The message was, “If God doesn’t move the mountain, maybe he wants you to climb it.” The other was something powerful and moving that Andy said to me the other night when I was feeling anxious. He said, “Sally, I know you are going to be ok.” I said back to Andy in a harsh voice, “No, you don’t know that for sure.” His simple reply, “You’ll be ok, either way.” I knew what he meant then and it gave me that “promise of peace” that I really needed this advent season.

On a lighter note, I have to tell you about Shannon’s latest. He came home the other night and asked my permission to do a “spell” that would make him have a snow day from school the next day. After I confirmed what the “spell” entailed, I agreed to it. Well, for everyone’s information, that night Shannon: 1) flushed an ice cube down the toilet 2) put a spoon under his pillow and 3) wore his pajamas inside out. The outcome, no school closings in the area, and I’m sure whoever told Shannon of the spell got an earful from him. I love the imagination of children. Enjoy the season!

Sally

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Update #17

I hope everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving as much as the Lake family. We had a potato cook off competition at my in-law’s home. The winner was my brother in law, Greg, who made a seven cheese au gratin potato (yes, I said seven and boy was it good). I also really appreciated Andy’s sister, Angela, making a root vegetable dish especially for me, which included parsnips known to be good for the pancreas. It was a very special Thanksgiving. I did not enter the potato competition; however, Andy entered a sweet potato pie, and Shannon came up with a recipe out of his head for twice-baked potatoes. Perhaps Shannon has promise in the kitchen despite his mother’s lack of cooking skills.

Shannon had a few days off from school, so we went on Wednesday to my friend’s house. They had a pitching machine, and Shannon insisted his mom give it a try. It was really funny, for after I got the swing of it, I managed to whack the ball pretty good into the woods. My friend’s son yelled out, “no way”. At the end of the day, her husband said, “Well Sally, you’ve still got it”. I left feeling quite pumped, although I must admit, my body has ached about 5 days now. The pain was worth it just to feel “normal” again.

This week will be a busy one, with chemotherapy on Monday and a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, which also is Shannon’s 8th birthday. He is having a sleepover party on Friday night with a bunch of his friends. I made a promise to myself that he would have a birthday party, dating back to January 17th, 2005, driving home from my doctor’s appointment. That was the day the doctor told me I had pancreatic cancer, and I looked at the doctor and said, “My son is only six; I’ve never had a birthday party for him.” Thanks to my surgery in February 2005, I was there to celebrate his 7th birthday, and now by the grace of God, I will be smiling as he turns eight. Shannon’s prayer tonight said it all, “God, I hope we have good times while my mom has the cancer”.

I decided to write another short series of haiku poems to share in closing which I’ve titled “Destiny’s Like Weather”:

Sometimes I wonder,
why can’t the sunshine always;
warm, cheery, and bright?

Then I remember,
cloudy days make us yearn for
clear skies tomorrow.

And when the rain falls,
my tears mix with the big drops,
but soon all is dry.

Here comes the rainbow,
a promise of light and love,
each day is a gift.

Life is so fragile,
but destiny’s like weather,
God is in control.

Sally

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As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to wish everyone an absolutely blessed, joyous holiday. Andy, Shannon, and I hope that all of you will find time on Thanksgiving to share in special memories. We are thankful that God is watching over all of us and continues to allow us the joys of life together.

Here’s a little something that was shared a few weeks back by a guest priest when we attended church up by our cottage in Newaygo that I thought might be a nice thing to keep in mind this holiday season. Here’s how to LOVE:

L: Love your Lord first and with all your heart.

O: Love Ourselves; we must love ourselves before we may fully express love to others.

V: Live with Virtues, making it a habit to love daily and freely.

E: Love Everybody, it is ok not to like everyone, but it is important to love everyone.

One other thing, I just felt the need to add. I have heard "I love you" so many times since June. Those words are so uplifting to me that I hope each of you might hear and say those words as much as your spirit moves. There is power in love that is shared.

Sally

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Update #15

It's Friday afternoon, November 3rd, and what a week this has been. When I arrived for chemotherapy on Monday, they informed me that the doctor had decided to hold on treatments for the week to further evaluate the results of my October 20th scan test. I was then informed the doctor would see me on Friday (today) to discuss next steps. It sure felt like Halloween season, as my mind was playing some real "tricks" on me in anticipation of the appointment. At times, I found myself leaning on God with the simple prayer, "please help me".

My doctor spent the week meeting with the local radiologist to review in detail my scan results, and he consulted with the doctor whom I met with at Mayo. They determined that while some of the tumors show growth, it is a less than 10% increase in size, and it would be too premature to stop or change from this chemotherapy plan. Hence, I will begin another cycle of the chemo starting Monday to continue each day through Friday. My sister is going to take vacation and help me out next week.

I have to share that today when checking into the doctor's office, there was an elderly lady who was very nervous. They asked whom she might want listed as a contact person for medical information. She said there wasn't anyone, and our hearts felt for her. When Andy and I left the office, we wished her good luck. I hope that we'll see her again to offer support.

My journey is accompanied by so much support of family and friends. I have set a personal goal to find a way to influence others through this battle. I am inspired by a message from a book given to me by a friend that reads, "Be a Bringer of the Light. For your light can do more than illuminate your own path. Your light can be the light which truly lights the world."

Lastly, I want to share a couple bright spots in my week. A couple of friends who work with Andy at Spartan brought a special gift to our house. A group of Andy's co-workers and others gave me an afghan (beautifully hand knitted by one of the ladies) with many purple ribbons on it. Each purple ribbon represented a person's donation, which was given to the PanCan (pancreatic cancer) Network. I was so moved and felt the love of so many special people through this caring gesture.

The other bright moment was while trick or treating with Shannon. He shared that Halloween was his 3rd favorite holiday, as he said Christmas was number one, and that Ground Hog's Day was his 2nd. I asked, "Why Ground Hog's Day?" and Shannon replied, "Because it's by my mom's birthday."

Some ask me how I remain so strong. The simple answer; I am so far from being alone. As I walk this path, I feel the presence of many who "expect miracles" and stand at my side no matter what happens.

Sally

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Update #14

At the time of this writing, it is Thursday night, October 26th. Soon one of my favorite days will be arriving.. Halloween. In my childhood, I used to trick or treat for hours in an all out effort to score the most candy. I would save all my favorite goodies, only to dump the best treats after they went stale around Christmas time. Funny thing, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree; Shannon does the same thing.

Ironically, my last note was written with the snow falling, whereas today we’re enjoying 80-degree sunny weather in Florida on vacation. Since I’m rubbing it in, did I mention we were at the beach and pool earlier too? Andy, Shannon, my parents and I are sharing great family time while appreciating the warm climate. God’s given us a good week together.

Yesterday (Weds. 10/25) was the day scheduled for us to hear the results of my October 20th CT scan test. My cell phone rang as we were shopping at a department store, and it was the oncologist’s office. The nurse shared with me that the results were "the same or slightly worse" than my scan on September 11th. She also said my doctor would go look at the scans himself to analyze and determine next steps. It was so hard to hear those words.

When I got off the phone and relayed the news to my family, Shannon immediately gave me a big squeeze hug. He then ran off and came back with a colorful pair of sandals, which he thought were "perfect for his mom." I didn’t buy the sandals (or the five other pairs he proceeded to pick out for me), but it did confirm our son has a caring heart and just wanted to help the situation if he could.

Most of you know I’m tough, but the news on the test results brought me to tears. Then I thought about a recent gift from a friend, which was a courage medal, another addition I’ll take to my chemotherapy appointments. What kept running through my mind is what it said inside the gift box; it read, "feel the fear and do it any way". I might need a good cry now and then, but I will never stop praying or fighting. What I need most from my family and friends is what you already give me each day as so evident through this site- love, inspiration and continued hope. What I’ll give back each day is a commitment to "make memories" and live each day to the fullest.

Sally

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Update #13

As I sit by the window this morning looking out at the snow lightly falling, I check my watch to confirm it is only October 12. It feels way too early for the white stuff to cover the ground. The good news is soon the famous Michigan weather will heat up again and the green grass will be back in action.

Last week, Andy and I went together to my doctor’s appointment. The doctor is real pleased with my blood counts staying normal and that I haven’t lost any weight. I didn’t share it with him, but if you compare my cooking (or lack of) to the incredible meals we have been receiving from friends, one would easily understand how I’ve managed to keep my weight on even with the chemotherapy. The next step is for me to have another ct scan test on October 20th which will be compared to the September 11th ct scan to make determinations as to the chemotherapy impact.

Andy, Shannon, and I are going to go to Florida, as Shannon has the week of October 23rd off school since he is on the semi year round program. We are all excited, and my mom and dad will be down there for most of the week as well. It is a real gift from God that I feel strong enough to travel. I will have a full week of chemotherapy, starting October 30 when we return, but it will be nice to have the family time before the next treatment schedule.

Thanks to a wonderful gesture on the part of a friend’s son who played basketball at Central Michigan, Shannon received a huge surprise this week. He brought Shannon an autographed pair of tennis shoes and jersey from LA Clippers Chris Kaman. The shoes are like size 17 and Shannon tried on the jersey and it went to the floor, it was so cute. He couldn’t wait to tell the kids at school about his new shoes and jersey. He of course also continues to be the number one Pistons fan with having to get up the other morning at 6:45 a.m. to see what the score was from the prior evening of the pre-season Pistons game versus Miami Heat. It makes me happy to see him so happy despite our challenges; Andy and I would not have it any other way.

Recently, I received a special gift from a former co-worker; a colorful, handwritten book she created of prayers, quotes, and bible verses. Let me depart with one of the messages handwritten with love included by the author Christiansen, which hit home for me:

“Into His hands I lay the fears that haunt me,
The dread of future ills that may befall;
Into His hands I lay the doubts that taunt me,
And rest securely, trusting Him for all.”

Sally

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Update #12

It's time to get caught up on the latest happenings. Isn't it hard to believe that October is already here? Fall is a terrific season though to enjoy in Michigan with the changing colors and the abundance of apples, and my favorite, apple cider.

I've been doing some reading lately, thanks to gifts of books from friends. The other day I read a line in a fictional book that caused me to just stop and ponder. The question was posed, "Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?" It made me think how sad it would be to walk through life and never really find fulfillment past the level of okay. I also found myself drifting through memory lane of all the happy moments enjoyed with so many of you. I'm not sure how long my life will be, as none of us really have that answer, but I do know that I've lived an extremely happy life.

God has shielded me from so much during this chemotherapy treatment. I handled the increased dose quite well, just had a few rough days where I reached a new level of exhaustion. This week I feel much stronger, and while my hair is getting pretty thin, I've yet to break out the wig, hats, or scarves. I do now have this peculiar metallic taste (a common side affect) in my mouth, but I just mentally block it out, continue to eat normal, and have maintained my weight.

Another Fall highlight has been Shannon's soccer. Back late summer when we signed him up, I told him that with my health challenge, I probably would miss many of his games. Well, so far, I've been able to make all his games and even some practices. So much for Shannon's projection that soccer won't be his sport, as he really is good (typical mother assessment you are probably thinking, but for those of you who know my competitive spirit, I'm a pretty tough critic.) They don't keep score, but for the record, they won the last game 9-0, and Shannon scored 4 goals. :)

Andy and I will be going to my doctor this week to discuss next steps such as the continued chemotherapy schedule and future scan tests. Thank you all so much for lifting me up these past few months with your notes, quotes, and prayers.

Sally

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Update #11

It’s day five of a full week of chemotherapy for me. This morning, September 22, I opened a book that I received from a newly acquainted friend and today’s daily reading just seemed so fitting. The book is called, Hope for Each Day, and the verse was John 16:33. It read, “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

I have felt a strong sense of peace this week with undergoing the chemotherapy. The dose did get increased slightly, but the side affects have seemed about the same as before to me. I am thankful God has given me a positive spirit and the ability to find joy in rough times.

Another blessing has been so much help from family and friends. This week my sister and brother in law have come in from Chicago and have helped Andy and I so much. For those of you who have worked with me, you know that I have no trouble coming up with multiple assignments and aggressive deadlines to complete. They have been just great, and Shannon is glad to have his uncle help him with soccer, since that is not a specialty for Andy or I.

Some of you have asked about the picture in the photo gallery on the site where I am wearing a tiara. No, I was not a beauty pageant winner; it’s just from a belated birthday party that was held for me last year after my first bout with cancer after my surgery. At that same party, I received a gift that is in my living room which sort of sums up how I look at my life. It is a wonderful picture frame with a saying by author Maryanne Radmacher. The quote goes, “It is not the easy or convenient life for which I search- but rather life lived to the edge of all my possibility.”

Early in the summer when I learned the cancer was back, I established a personal motto for this fight called “fragrance of life.” I continue to hold this as my guiding vision in how I am dealing with this disease. Thanks for all the support expressed on the site and with conversations and cards.

Sally

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Update #10

I know it's been a little while, but I wanted to wait to provide an update on the results of the ct scan test from Monday, September 11. Andy and I went to see the doctor today, Wednesday, for a follow up appointment on how the chemotherapy is going and to get the anxiously awaited news on my latest scan. Actually, my doctor is really on top of things and being aggressive, for it's nice to only wait a couple days to get results. When I have trouble sleeping those nights waiting for results, I spend time praying and just talking things through with God, until I feel a sense of peace and then find myself waking up the next morning.

The scan test showed that the cancer has not spread into any new areas of my body since my last scan. My liver still has a lot of cancer present, but the largest tumor in the liver has dropped from 2.3 cm to 1.8 cm in size, and the cancer in my lymph nodes of my upper abdomen has not increased in size. My doctor wants to closely examine the pet scan results from July 12 to the Sept. 11 scan in the next couple days, but he believes this is a good sign. Also, because I am doing so well with handling the chemotherapy, he may increase the dose of one of the types starting next week. I, of course, let the doctor know that my vote would be to "kick it up a notch" even if it means it will be more difficult in terms of side affects. Next week I have chemotherapy five days in a row again, with a double dose (two types) on Monday.

A great friend of mine gave me a gift Tuesday night which was a beautiful pin that reads "Expect Miracles". Well, while this is only the beginning of a long road, I thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers. I know miracles happen, and I believe that God has blessed me with strength to see good in what seems so bad. I guess we're back to Shannon's prayer, "God let my mom's cancer turn out good." One other thing I am doing is participating in a pancreatic cancer research study for Mayo. I spent the last couple days completing 40 plus pages of questions, which I am sending them in addition to some blood samples. If by providing data, this can help patients of the future, that will bring more good out of this situation.

Shannon is going to play soccer for his first time beginning this week. He is excited but has made an early proclamation, that "this probably won't be his sport." He's funny, making an assessment before the first practice begins. School is going well for him, and the entire family is clearly enjoying the gift of meals. Home cooking is a real change of pace for the Lake family.

Lastly, I wanted to mention something that came to mind this week for me as Andy prayed Monday night for all the families who lost loved ones in the 9/11 tragedy. When you stop to think about where you were that moment the tragedy hit, can you believe that was 5 years ago? Time goes by so fast, and we can never have it back. I am glad to see days differently and value the "little things" each day brings. I'm sorry that it took cancer in my life to slow me down, but I am enjoying "seizing the moment" and sharing love.

Sally

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Update #9

Last week I received a letter from a friend, and she said there had been at that point over 2644 hits to the web site.  I just stopped and thought to myself, wow, how fortunate I am to have that much love.  You all surround me with this incredible caring cushion that reduces the mental and physical pain of the chemotherapy and cancer.  Thank you for making this easier.

Every day thanks to seven separate giving people, I have seven daily prayers to give me strength to get through the day.  It just isn't reading the prayers alone, but it's the warm feeling I get when I think of what each of the givers mean in my life.  There is no way I could let any of those seven down, or any of you for that matter, by not being ready to fight this battle with more fortitude than I ever imagined.

On August 28th, my chemotherapy went pretty smooth, but I caught a cold the next day, so I was a bit down and out for a couple days.  For those of you interested, my hair is hanging tough with only a few strands gone so far.  My wig, scarves, and hats are on "stand by", but it's been nice to hold on and possibly even be thinking about a hair cut.  By the weekend my cold was much better, and Andy, Shannon and I were able to go to our cottage for the first time in six weeks.  It felt so good to be in that relaxed setting, and the lake has such a calming affect.  My sister who lives up there insisted we leave the cottage as is, as she volunteered to clean the cottage on her vacation day.  It's help like that, not to mention a huge meal delivery on Thursday night from a group of friends from Spartan, that just reinforces why family and friends are the best.

Before I went for chemotherapy this last time, a close friend of mine dropped off a book to me that he wanted me to have to "keep me company" at chemotherapy.  I'm going to leave all of you this time with one of the meditations from the book which really hit home called "On the fulfillment of your Divine Self":

"Do not waste the precious moments of this, your present reality, seeking to unveil all of life's secrets.  

Those secrets are secret for a reason.  Grant your God the benefit of the doubt.  Use your Now Moment for the Highest Purpose- the creation and the expression of Who You Really Are.

Decide Who You Are- Who you want to be- and then do everything in your power to be that."

Sally

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Update #8

Here we are already into a new week. I am typing this note at my chemotherapy appointment, and checking all the new messages for inspiration. All of you sure make me feel special and give me a boost to face each new day.

Last week went quite well except for some headaches. I thought someone took a hammer to my head, but actually it probably wasn’t near what others deal with who get migraines. We had an exceptional weekend. I prayed Saturday morning for a bit of a selfish prayer that God let me feel good the weekend, as we had promised to take Shannon Saturday night to Crystal Mountain. We had such a good time as a family, and I felt the best yet since the start of the treatments. I even was able to provide assistance to Shannon in making "alley-oops" basketball shots in the pool. Trust me, I didn’t shoot any, just handled the passing.

Each night we continue to rotate prayers. Shannon always starts his prayer out with the same words, "God, please help my mom’s cancer turn out good." The innocence of a 7 year old really shines through. Cancer and good in the same sentence is harder for us to feel as adults, but there is a positive side. Every morning I feel so thankful for having another day. I have a chance to say all those things I want to say, including "I love you" to people close to me. The cancer makes me take less for granted and appreciate life in a whole new manner.

I go for another CT scan test on September 11 and will see the doctor later that week for the results. Andy and I are glad the doctor is being aggressive with having me tested again, so we can see the impact of the chemotherapy thus far. One thing I do know is that I have a support group second to none and all the prayers give me daily love and strength.

Sally

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Update #6

Who would imagine that at a time like this, I could shed more tears from joy than sadness? The messages and warm thoughts keep pouring in, and I keep being moved to tears, in a good way, from the incredible well wishes. Thank you for being so concerned.

Early this past weekend, I noticed Shannon seemed to be acting very uncomfortable around me, laughing anxiously and seeming nervous which isn't like him. My sister and brother-in-law from Chicago gave us a good book on dealing with cancer in family situations, so it helped me on how best to approach Shannon. After digging, I discovered Shannon was afraid he was going to catch the cancer and maybe get sick like his mom felt from the chemotherapy. I was able to calm his fears through talking, and Andy, Shannon, and I had a terrific weekend together.

Communication is so important. If I had just let that go, who knows how long Shannon may have held the misperceptions inside. I thought from a talk well over a year ago, that Shannon would recall how it wasn't like getting a cold or flu from someone. Then I remembered, geez, he is only 7; this is a hard enough topic for an adult to comprehend, let alone a child.

For me, part of how I get through this challenge is by talking about the realities of the cancer while not forgetting to celebrate the small daily "wins". Here's a win: I still have my hair (as of typing this message). I am fully prepared though to lose it, as it most likely will happen, but it is not a big deal to me. My sister was kind enough to take me shopping last weekend, and I now own a couple awesome orange (to match my purse) hats, along with multicolored bandanas and scarves. My favorite purchase was a bright pink scarf with the initial "S" all over it... why go low key now?

Overall, I am doing quite well, but I certainly am tired and a considerable pace behind my usual speed. I don't think I could begin to play 18 holes of golf, but for some reason, I feel that I probably could still whack a long drive. I guess it's that competitive spirit.

I'm a bit long winded today, but one last thing I had to share is something our priest said at church this week about relating to Jesus and reaching out to Him as a confidant. The priest said, "It's important not only to know about Him, but also to know Him." I am so glad I know Him.

Sally

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Update #5

I woke up this morning, Friday, and decided it was time for another update. This is day 5 of my chemotherapy, and things are going better than I expected. I believe my strategy worked by mentally preparing myself for every possible side affect. Every day that goes by with a little less challenge than I expected, I count as a victory. Not to mention, another plus is that I still am putting make-up on to go each morning, a sure sign of Sally’s level of feeling like herself. J

This week’s messages continued flowing strong. I appreciate all the stories being shared and also hold others in need in my thoughts and prayers. As I look around the place where I receive chemotherapy, I see how cancer has touched the lives of so many. I try not to let the disease overwhelm my spirit.

I found an old proverb that says "Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble." That piece of marble keeps growing when I read the site and think about how much joy I’ve had in my life through family and friends.

Shannon had a good first week as a big second grader. Andy and I are really proud of his ability to be flexible to stay with others. One of our friends took him twice to Lake Michigan this week, and he certainly had no complaints. Also, since his mom’s cooking skills are let’s say less than desirable, the delivered meals are a real treat. Andy and I don’t know how we befriended so many good cooks, but we sure appreciate the help.

Surprisingly, the week has gone pretty fast. I’m sure those close to me are tired of hearing my "one day at a time’ message, but honestly, it really is working for me. I also continue to lean on God and others, and all of you keep holding me up to face this battle with courage and soulful spirit.

Sally

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8.7.06

Hello everyone.  

I am writing this update on Monday August 7th, my first day of chemotherapy. They have found the best option of chemotherapy for me per the Mayo recommendation, and I'm able to have it here in Grand Rapids.  Thanks for the prayers.  Sure is nice to be back home and with my unbelievable support group.

I will do chemo for 5 days straight this week (it has to be tough treatment for my cancer is the most advanced stage), then a couple weeks off before more treatments.  I'm at a coffee shop right now to put this quick note together before the side effects kick into full force.  I couldn't figure out how do the "wi-fi" thing, so I asked a guy who works here, and he said, "Have you ever seen a computer before?"  It was good for some laughs.

The other night I felt quite stressed out.   Well, since I prefer dealing with facts over feelings, someone told me once to write my feelings down in those less than ideal moments.  On the top of the page, I wrote:  "I feel", then below it came words flowing quickly on the sheet of paper such as scared, nervous, like a punching bag, and weaker than I'd like.  The good news is that also on the page came words such as loved, cared about, surrounded by concern, and comforted.  It's thanks to all my family and friends that those warm words found their way into my heart!

Andy and Shannon are doing well considering the circumstances.  The Shan-man starts school tomorrow, Tuesday, already.  He is excited to get back.  He also gets a kick out of his photos on the web page.  We all love and so appreciate the messages.  I don't know if I can hold the title of "quote queen" after seeing all of the postings.  Keep smiling, as I promise I will!

Sally

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 Update #3

Sorry to keep all of you wondering and waiting to hear an update.  Andy and I have been here since Thursday night, but we didn't have anything to report until now, as they needed to read the Pathology on Monday at Mayo.  More on that in a bit.

It was nice to continue to see all the wonderful inspirational notes on the site.  This weekend we went to Minneapolis, and I searched out a hotel with an outdoor pool for it's sunny and 100 degrees.. my kind of weather.  Also, what an experience it was to have mass at the Basilica of St. Mary's, a historic site, with more stained glass windows in one spot than I've seen combined in a lifetime.  It was very moving.

Speaking of moving, when I see all of you reaching out from present and the past (and those who I have never had the pleasure of meeting yet), it reminds me how important it is to show concern and care for all who come into your path.  If you could only know what a sense of inner peace all of you give me.  Andy and I try to pass that same peace onto anyone we meet who is sick here.  One elderly couple has been in the same appointment areas as us 3 different times, and the gentleman had his first wife here 35 years ago for treatments.  His new wife has bone cancer.  Before I went to my first appointment, I stopped and went to tell her good luck.  Today, she said to me good luck back and her husband told me on the way into my appointment, "God bless you dear."

Well, the doctors here at Mayo have been very knowledgeable, informative and caring.  I have seen a few doctors.  I cannot have surgery for the tumors are too widespread and too many in number.  Would you believe not only do I have a rare form of cancer but I have a rare type of that form?  Somebody needed to tell me this wasn't a competition.  I won't go into all the details, but they are looking across the country for option "a" of chemo therapy and then there is option "b" chemo therapy also.  The doctor even gave me a hug on the way out today, that meant so much to me.  Tuesday we will see the doctor again hopefully to finalize the details.

Thank you for all the caring messages.
Sally

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The first one goes like this, "If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective." The second one proclaims "In life there are efforts and results, and the strength of the effort is measured by the results."

Well, I like the first one I thought, for it reminded me how important it is to keep a positive, spirited perspective when dealing again with this scary word "cancer". I can’t change the facts, but I am able to enjoy each day more by taking the high road.

The second quote was harder to swallow. I plan to fight this cancer with every ounce of energy and strength in my body, but I also realize the results are up to God. This isn’t like getting an A on a test or practicing at a sport a zillion times until I become good. This challenge requires that I don’t try to do it on my own.

That’s why I cannot thank each of you enough for the notes on the site. God is captain of my team, but if each of you could only know how much having the support around me means. This site is awesome!

After daily calls to Mayo, it looks like Friday’s appointment is the soonest available. Andy and I will update everyone as soon as we learn more. Shannon is in Traverse City, MI this week enjoying himself with some terrific people who are helping us out.

Thanks for the strength and inspiration.

Love,
Sally

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To my family and friends,

I must begin by saying that I cannot express how touched I am to have so many people surrounding me with such a deep sense of caring. Thank you for all the strength each of you gives me through your thoughts and prayers.

Let me bring everyone up to speed. I will be going to Mayo Clinic no later than July 28. Each day I call Mayo and try to get an earlier appointment, so keep praying something will open up sooner. The purpose of going to Mayo will be to confirm the diagnosis on my type of cancer and confer with the skilled doctors on the best treatment forms.

Andy and Shannon are doing as well as can be expected. Andy is an unbelievable rock, and Shannon has learned to understand things well beyond his age of 7. Each night we rotate prayers as a family, and if you could hear the words, which come out of Shannon’s mouth, you would all know just how much he truly comprehends the situation.

Andy will go to Mayo with me, and after we know more, we’ll make sure to provide an update through the site. Many ask, "how do you feel?" and my favorite response is, "I feel good, I look good, but I’m a mess." Seriously, I feel fine, and that is also a positive as we wait to get to next steps.

God’s plan is a mystery, so I personally never ask "why?" but we all deal with life’s battles in our own manner. I’ve been given an incredible life, and am so thankful for being blanketed by the best support group of family and friends.

Love,
Sally

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